I have recently been checking out the blog called Empowered to Connect (ETC). It is FULL OF INCREDIBLY HELPFUL RESOURCES for parents who adopt or foster children from hard places. Adopting children who come from orphanages overseas definitely constitutes "hard places."
And after listening to the Family Life Today Interviews with Dr. Karyn Purvis (who is a leading Christian researcher in the area of helping children who come from hard places and the author of the book, "The Connected Child") I am determined to read every piece of information posted on the ETC blog. And I just ordered the book.
If you are thinking about adopting, are in the process to adopt or have already adopted, I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU to check out the ETC blog. Or, I suppose you can just follow me as I check out the blog. I hope to post most of what I read about.
So here is the first installment. Listen to the FamilyLifeTodayInterviews with Dr. Karyn Purvis. There are three interviews, each about 20 minutes or so long. Below is a snapshot of what the three messages are about and a short exerpt from each one. They are each a wealth of incredibly helpful information!
Interview #1:
Dr. Purvis talks about the realities for children from hard places and encourages parents to “count the cost.”
I’ve never seen a child who can’t come to profound levels of healing. Never. There’s no timeline on healing. It’s easiest when they’re little. It’s easiest before the history of failures. So if you can be proactive and be pre-trained that would be desired. (Dr. Purvis)
Interview #2:
Dr. Purvis talks about the importance of parents having realistic expectations as they begin and travel the adoption or foster care journey.
We have this dream that we’ll bring a child home and they’ll be so thankful and they’ll be so excited that we love them. And those are the expectations that have to come to the cross before we bring our child home. Because I go to bring a child home because I believe God’s called me to do this, I have a peace in my spirit to do this. But that child may have left a culture and friends and the only life they knew. It may be their darkest hour in their own little lives. (Dr. Purvis)
Interview #3
Dr. Purvis offers tools and strategies for parents to help them connect with their children to help them heal and become all that God intends.
I ask parents up front to remember this: scared kids look crazy and sad kids look angry. So stand before your child with an open heart because this child has come from incredibly hard places. (Dr. Purvis)
The Lee Three
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Just Another Day Around Here
Yesterday . . .
Kate and the kids came for lunch. (Liz is also in the picture - she is living in our basement right now.)
Notice a different table? Since we are adopting three kids, I knew we needed a table that fit more people. Since our kitchen is pretty small, I wanted to try to get a longer, more narrow table. I am a Craigslist junky, but had a hard time finding a table fitting this description.
Kate and a friend were going to the Iowa State Surplus sale last Wednesday and I tagged along. Boy, am I glad I did! I found this great 6' long by 2.5' wide table for $10. What a deal! And I really like the way it fits. Even though it is grey and matches, I'm going to redo it to make it more fun.
(ISU has a surplus sale every Wednesday from noon to 2:00 or 3:00p in a building near the Ag Leader Building on Airport Road)
Greyson being the last-child-funny-boy, with an apple in his mouth while being a chicken with his arms. We were all laughing!
Abram can finally climb up his little slide on his own.
Instead of sliding down, he loves to roll crab apples from our tree down the slide.
Aunt Kate gave Abram some of the boys' cars to play with.
Are you ready for hide and seek, mom?
PEEK
-A-BOO
Another one of Abram's favorite things to do right now:
Kate and the kids came for lunch. (Liz is also in the picture - she is living in our basement right now.)
Notice a different table? Since we are adopting three kids, I knew we needed a table that fit more people. Since our kitchen is pretty small, I wanted to try to get a longer, more narrow table. I am a Craigslist junky, but had a hard time finding a table fitting this description.
Kate and a friend were going to the Iowa State Surplus sale last Wednesday and I tagged along. Boy, am I glad I did! I found this great 6' long by 2.5' wide table for $10. What a deal! And I really like the way it fits. Even though it is grey and matches, I'm going to redo it to make it more fun.
(ISU has a surplus sale every Wednesday from noon to 2:00 or 3:00p in a building near the Ag Leader Building on Airport Road)
Greyson being the last-child-funny-boy, with an apple in his mouth while being a chicken with his arms. We were all laughing!
Abram can finally climb up his little slide on his own.
Instead of sliding down, he loves to roll crab apples from our tree down the slide.
Aunt Kate gave Abram some of the boys' cars to play with.
Are you ready for hide and seek, mom?
PEEK
-A-BOO
Another one of Abram's favorite things to do right now:
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Why Are We Adopting Three Kids?
This is a popular question so I thought I would answer it today.
The bottom line is that we feel God has led us to the decision to adopt three kids from a country that starts with a C in Africa. (I'm no longer posting the name of the country to help protect adoptions from that country. Countries have shut down adoption programs because of misinterpretations from blogs. So, I'm playing it safe.)
In the midst of praying and talking through things a few weeks ago, here are the factors God used to lead us to THREE:
- Since we started trying to have kids, we have wanted at least four kids.
- There are 4.5 million orphans in the capital of C country.
- The adoption tax credit change makes it even possible to think about adopting three kids.
- There are 4.5 million orphans in the capital of C country.
- Adopting three now eliminates going through another adoption process (with all of its paperwork) in the future to get us to four kids.
- There are 4.5 million orphans in the capital city of country C.
- It would be an overwhelming adjustment to bring two kids from another country into our home. Bringing a third child into our home will increase this adjustment but won't triple it.
- Did I mention there are 4.5 million orphans in C country's capital?
As you might imagine, we have received a number of interesting reactions when people hear we are adopting three kids. And I would be lying if I told you I haven't ever had a doubt that this is what we should do. I have had my doubts from time to time. The doubts typically come after a number of questioning or negative responses. They have also come when I start to read about the emotional issues our children are going to have.
I have known that there are issues - many issues - kids have to deal with when they are adopted from another country. Issues with hoarding food (because there has never been enough food), problems with bonding and attachment (because likely they have never had a secure attachment to someone that has made them feel safe and loved), the stress of learning a new language, identity issues because their names change and on and on. I hope to post about some of these things as we dive into learning them ourselves. Over the past weekend, I read just a little about a couple of these things. And it overwelmed me.
At church on Sunday, our pastor, Jeff, shared a quote that very much summed up what was happening in my heart:
Despondency arises through listening to ourselves and our self-assessment instead of looking to God, recalling His purposes, living according to our dignity in Him and rediscovering in Him our source and power. (J. Alec Motyer, "The Prophecy of Isaiah," p. 387)
Once I look to God and His purposes again, all is well with my soul (this is the continual battle of life for all believers in Jesus).
I have said it before, and I'm sure I will say it many more times: adopting three kids is going to be extremely difficult. And I want to be clear about something: We are not doing it because we think we have the ability to help three kids adjust to life here or to because we think we can muster up the parenting skills or because we are so spiritual and think we can help save the world. No. We have very little to offer. We are completely incapable of taking on this challenge. We are merely jars of clay in the had of an almighty God who cares about the least of these on our earth.
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
2 Corinthians 4:6-11
We are staking this whole adoption - coming up with the money we need, getting a vehicle, helping three orphans transition into our family - ON GOD. If in two years or five years from now you look at our family and we are doing okay, you can be sure that it had everything to do with God and His power.
A quote from the book Crazy Love that I got from my friend, Janel's recent blog post,
sums up why we are adopting three kids from Africa:
"God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through." –Francis Chan
The bottom line is that we feel God has led us to the decision to adopt three kids from a country that starts with a C in Africa. (I'm no longer posting the name of the country to help protect adoptions from that country. Countries have shut down adoption programs because of misinterpretations from blogs. So, I'm playing it safe.)
In the midst of praying and talking through things a few weeks ago, here are the factors God used to lead us to THREE:
- Since we started trying to have kids, we have wanted at least four kids.
- There are 4.5 million orphans in the capital of C country.
- The adoption tax credit change makes it even possible to think about adopting three kids.
- There are 4.5 million orphans in the capital of C country.
- Adopting three now eliminates going through another adoption process (with all of its paperwork) in the future to get us to four kids.
- There are 4.5 million orphans in the capital city of country C.
- It would be an overwhelming adjustment to bring two kids from another country into our home. Bringing a third child into our home will increase this adjustment but won't triple it.
- Did I mention there are 4.5 million orphans in C country's capital?
As you might imagine, we have received a number of interesting reactions when people hear we are adopting three kids. And I would be lying if I told you I haven't ever had a doubt that this is what we should do. I have had my doubts from time to time. The doubts typically come after a number of questioning or negative responses. They have also come when I start to read about the emotional issues our children are going to have.
I have known that there are issues - many issues - kids have to deal with when they are adopted from another country. Issues with hoarding food (because there has never been enough food), problems with bonding and attachment (because likely they have never had a secure attachment to someone that has made them feel safe and loved), the stress of learning a new language, identity issues because their names change and on and on. I hope to post about some of these things as we dive into learning them ourselves. Over the past weekend, I read just a little about a couple of these things. And it overwelmed me.
At church on Sunday, our pastor, Jeff, shared a quote that very much summed up what was happening in my heart:
Despondency arises through listening to ourselves and our self-assessment instead of looking to God, recalling His purposes, living according to our dignity in Him and rediscovering in Him our source and power. (J. Alec Motyer, "The Prophecy of Isaiah," p. 387)
Once I look to God and His purposes again, all is well with my soul (this is the continual battle of life for all believers in Jesus).
I have said it before, and I'm sure I will say it many more times: adopting three kids is going to be extremely difficult. And I want to be clear about something: We are not doing it because we think we have the ability to help three kids adjust to life here or to because we think we can muster up the parenting skills or because we are so spiritual and think we can help save the world. No. We have very little to offer. We are completely incapable of taking on this challenge. We are merely jars of clay in the had of an almighty God who cares about the least of these on our earth.
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
2 Corinthians 4:6-11
We are staking this whole adoption - coming up with the money we need, getting a vehicle, helping three orphans transition into our family - ON GOD. If in two years or five years from now you look at our family and we are doing okay, you can be sure that it had everything to do with God and His power.
A quote from the book Crazy Love that I got from my friend, Janel's recent blog post,
sums up why we are adopting three kids from Africa:
"God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through." –Francis Chan
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