All is Not Lost

From: savetheorphan.blogspot.com

Have you ever come across something that so accurately expresses things you have been thinking and feeling but have never been able to put into words? Last night I had such an experience. My good friend, Janel Sullivan, sent me a blog post (savetheorphan.blogspot.com) that puts into words so much of what I have come to realize adopting orphans is going to mean for us - and them. The blog is about children and an orphanage in Sierra Leone, which is a worn-torn country similar to the country we are adopting from. I can talk about attachment issues, learning disabilities, and other adoptionese issues (which I do hope to do) that kids who are adopted from hard places will likely face. But, this is what it all boils down to . . .

Though Innocence is Taken…All is Not Lost
We call these children “orphans”…. Children who have lost parents…suffered immense loss…parentless…. To think this is the darkest part of their life ….the only piece that defines them… would be naïve and quite an understatement…

I think it is fair to say that “orphans” are plagued by not only living life “alone” but suffer through pasts many of us may not ever feel we could overcome… How about the child who is not only orphaned but also a victim of child abuse… intense physical and emotional battery… what about the orphan who not only lost their parents but actually witnessed their untimely death first hand…. The child who has vivid dreams of the moment their parent took their last breath.. what about the orphan who works for a living and at 12 years old cannot read or write a complete sentence because they have never been given the education or stimulation to overcome their learning disability….what about the orphan who was born malnourished, was abandoned by their mother and left for dead in the “starvation” unit of a third world hospital… what about the orphan who was taken from her mother because her mother sold her little body … day in and day out to hungry dirty men…all for something to eat…what about the orphan that suffered such extreme hunger they now suffer long term eating disorders…or what about the orphan who was abandoned not once, not twice….but many times… what does that feeling of worthlessness and being unwanted do to a tiny little soul?

It’s easy to look at “Saving the Orphan” (the organization whose blog this is from) and think we can just “fix it” for them.... taking them in off the streets…or by adopting them and giving them a family… that everything else they have been forced to endure will just disappear… If it were only that simple… I do believe that a child cannot truly begin to heal until they have a family support unit… someone that they know will be committed to them through their healing process and when they come through on the other side… but it really is only the first step…There is so much work for God to do in these tiny little hearts… so much restoration that needs to take place…There will be uphill battles and valleys so dark you wish you had never started the journey to “save” them in the first place… because now it hurts you to much too… I think that is us in our humanness… but if we choose to love and parent these children through Christ… instead of not wanting to take a chance on loving an orphaned child and allowing them a permanent place in our guarded hearts… we instead realize that through our suffering comes healing to another… just like through Christ’s suffering we find redemption and forgiveness…a permanent place to rest our heart… straight into his arms as he spreads them wide upon the cross…experiencing the ultimate sacrifice….his very life…

I am leading a small group of families with hearts wide open praying God will open the floodgates and provide us the approvals we need to bring home 21 children and make them our own… that they will no longer be called orphans but our children… I am not naïve in realizing many of the children we have found families for have experienced the “lives” I shared with you above…. They are not only orphans but broken children with broken hearts and broken pasts… and although there are moments when they are hard to love…. I will not be scared away… I will not run when it hurts me to love them… I will not leave when the going gets tough… Why? Well because I know I am hard to love… I am also a broken person with a past God has also redeemed…. And he didn’t give up on me…. In fact he chased me… and he chases you… and he will chase us down and love us till we can no longer deny his presence in our lives…. I want to show that same “love” to my soon to be children… and thought the roads will be long and winding… we will reach that destination where true restoration will occur and they will find their healing… after all… although their innocence may have been taken… all is not lost. That is a promise we CAN hold onto.

California

Finally posting pictures from our trip to California.

We arrived on a Sunday afternoon and walked the 1-2 miles from our hotel down to Balboa Island. Jason wasted no time getting his favorite island treat: the chocolate covered banana (with all the toppings).
At our hotel on our way to eat sushi the first night (the first of three sushi meals!).We went back down to the ocean the second day. The little blip in the water is Jason. The water was freezing, but Jason really wanted to play in the ocean. He made friends with the high school guy standing in the water and they body surfed the waves together for about 30 minutes.Hanging out in the sunshine at about 9:00am at our hotel . . . with an iced coffee from Starbucks (at the hotel) of course! Another trip back down to Balboa Island.

Sunset

Before we left Iowa I had scouted out where the Goodwill stores in Orange County were! We rented a car and went to three of them. (Jason took the pictures!)

The third Goodwill we went to was a "Classic Closet," the nicest Goodwill I've ever seen.
Here I am with my purchases from the Classic Closet.
My favorite purchase was a red Gymboree vest (size 3T for our boys) with the tags on it for $1.99! Sitting by the pool in 75 degree weather was awesome, but going to Goodwill in California ranks right up there as one of my favorite things we did on our trip!

Jason took way more pictures than I did, including one of the back of my head. This is one of the patios at our hotel, with a gas fire pit (it got a little cool around 5:00p) - very cool!
Sunset from where I was sitting above.
On our way walking to the beach.
I was running one day and found this great spot overlooking the ocean so Jason and I went back on our last day.







Walking back from the beach.

So long California. Jason's annual conference is going to be in Nashville next year - not California like it has been the past five years.

Adopting Older Kids

Jason and I made it back from an 8-day trip to super-sunny, 75-degree-California this past Sunday. Half of the trip was business for Jason, but the whole trip was vacation for me. And it was wonderful! We celebrated our 5-year anniversary (back in September!) and enjoyed time together before our lives get turned upside down soon. If I have time, I will try to post a few pictures from our trip.

Until then, I want to post the first of what I hope will be many posts on some of the things I've been reading to prepare for adopting kids internationally. There are so many GREAT resources out there (especially a few select blogs) that have helped us get a clearer picture of what our life is going to look like when we bring three orphans into our lives.

I know my family (ahem, my mom and sister!) think that I am over-preparing for this whole thing. :) But, what I read on the front page of the the Older Child Adoption website makes me stand firm in my resolve to keep on reading and preparing. And this excerpt just begins to scratch the surface of some of the issues our children may face. Here is the excerpt from www.olderchildadoption.com:

Older child adoption is a complex melding of joys an d challenges. In fact, the issues surrounding older child adoption might be called “the ugly, the bad, and the good.” Every parent considering older child adoption needs to read, talk with other parents, and read some more. And, one of the most important pre-adoption projects is to convince yourself that, “Yes, it WILL happen to me.”

Some older child adoptive parents may deal with developmental delays and challenges. Children may act younger than their chronological age. And, they may not be consistent i.e. they may speak at age level, be two years behind socially, and be physically three years behind. For children coming from orphanages, the rule of thumb is one month of delay for each three months spent in the orphanage. Parents will need to work on these child development gaps with at-home activities, or possibly with the help of physical, occupational, or other therapists and specialists

Some older adopted children slide into their new lives with little difficulty. These children joyously participate in their new family’s activities. They quickly learn the rules. They bond strongly, showing positive interactions with other family members. However, many older, special needs children, due to a combination of biological, emotional, and neurological issues, present challenges to their parents.

Older child adoptive parents should prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. Every prospective older child adoptive parent must acknowledge that they may be challenged in ways they cannot fully anticipate. They will deal with grief and loss in children. They will learn about the impact of trauma on children in their early years, about attachment and bonding, and possibly a new language if it’s an international adoption. The challenges may seem overwhelming at times, however, the rewards will be great!

Recipe Organization

I'm taking a diversion from my usual adoption and/or Abram posts to talk about my favorite hobby: organizing.

Over a year ago, I organized my recipes into this handy, categorized book of recipes. At least that is what I thought at the time.It was a 3-ring binder with clear plastic photo pages that I put my recipes into.

At the time, it seemed like a fabulous way to organize my recipes. I stored it in one of my kitchen drawers and thought I was on my way to cooking more because I had my recipes organized. :)

Well, that didn't happen. In fact, most of my well-used recipes ended up in a pile in my drawer, OUTSIDE of the not-so-handy-after-all recipe book. To get a recipe, I had to get the book out of the drawer, look for the recipe, put the book back and then dig out the book again to put the recipe back. It took awhile, but I finally realized that I hated dragging that big book out of the drawer. And it really hindered me from using my recipes. It was just not efficient. And when something is not working efficiently or well at my house, that means it is time to organize . . . or in most cases, RE-organize!

Enter the recipe box:

It is actually not a recipe box, it is a photo box (from Walmart). It is bigger than what I need, but that gives me room to grow and I currently use the back part of the box to store napkins, straws and my can opener (random, I know). I bought a package of 3-ring binder tabs and cut them to fit the box as dividers.

I store my new recipe box on my counter. And that is the secret to success for me! I LOVE having my recipes on the counter without a lid! Because I am not intrinsically motivated to cook (I'd rather be organizing something!), having my recipes super accessible really does help me.
As a side note, the container of green towels next to my recipe box are my "non-paper"towels. Knowing that we were going to adopt and that our monthly budget will have to grow in some areas, I have looked for ways to cut down our monthly budget in other areas.

I found the idea to use cloth towels instead of paper towels at groceryshrink.com. They are called surgical huck towels. The one tip she told me was to put the towels in a container on my counter. She made a great point that paper towel makers started making a killing when they introduced paper towel holders that put paper towels conveniently at arms-reach in our kitchens! I'm not motivated to use cloth to save the earth . . . I'm just trying to save us some bucks. And I must say that I love using the cloth towels. They are very absorbent and great for cleaning up spills, drying dishes, etc. I don't really miss paper towels at all. I do keep a few napkins around for the few times I really need them.

And lastly, I'm going to leave you with my favorite smoothie recipe (I don't remember where I got it from, but I'm sure I've modified it to some degree):

1 cup PureAlmond Vanilla milk

1-2 handfuls of spinach

2 bananas (the original recipe called for one, but I use two to make it more sweet)

1 cup blueberries

1 cup strawberries (I don't really measure the berries . . . mixed berries work, too)

Ground flax seed (about 1/4- 1/2 cup)

It makes about four glasses. I usually feed one to Abram and put the rest in individual cups in the freezer. Then, I defrost them in the microwave when we are ready to eat them. I love this smoothie because every single ingredient is super healthy and it is a great way to get my picky-eating toddler to eat his fruits and vegetables!

Great Quote

I saw this quote on a friend's email signature recently and have to share it:

The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing, but in today's culture we apply for a curse and reject blessings. Something is wrong with this picture.
--Doug Phillips

Sending Another Package to the Kids

I'm getting ready to send what I think may be the last package to our kids. I don't think I ever posted the second package I sent in November. In that package, I was able to send things to Isaiah for the first time: shorts outfit, flip flops, pants outfit and socks (it gets cool at night), a sweatshirt, one of Abram's old blankets (that I LOVED), a puppy dog (this is the second one I bought...Abram fell in love with the first one I bought for Isaiah so I let him keep it), two little diggers, a book and our photo ablum.I have been very curious how these clothes fit Isaiah so I can get a better feel for how big he is. We just got new pictures of all three kids a week ago and Mr. Isaiah is SWIMMING in his 2T shorts. I swear he looks bigger than Abram in the few pictures we have, but now I'm thinking they might be the same size. Oh, I can't wait to see those boys together when the kids come home!

Here is what I sent to Zoe in the second package: a dress, shorts outfit, sweater, p-pops, socks, necklaces, notepad, stickers, pens, a doodle pad and of course a little bag to keep all of those treasures in.

Zahra got the same things, just a different variety.

This time around I am sending them backpacks for their trip home! Sonja said that they will bring home all of the things we have sent them. I found these super cute travel pillows (with matching blankets Grammy bought). I thought the pillows and blankets would not only be good for them to have on their plane ride home, but also possible keepsakes, representing their travel from Africa to the US. Also in their package is a stuffed elephant, coloring book, colors, two books and little pet shop dogs/my little ponys.

Isaiah got a football travel pillow, cars, books, a doodle board, two balls (if we remember to put them in his bag - Abram has been obsessed with them!), 24 month pants, short outfit, socks and some of Abram's p-pops.

And these below are not going to Africa, but will be awaiting our African princesses when they arrive home (or in the van at the airport in Chicago...I haven't decided). I have wanted them to have black baby dolls, but didn't like the options I was finding online. When I saw these Tiana princesses (from Princess and the Frog, which I hear is not a good movie for kids to watch), I loved them. Thanks to my aunt and uncle for the Target gift card to get them with!

Three Names

Shortly after I sent out our Christmas picture I realized that I've never blogged about the names we have given the three kids we are adopting. This was not intentional, it has just been one of those things (along with many other things) that I haven't gotten around to blogging about.

So, here is what we are naming our kids: Zahra, Zoe & Isaiah. We will keep their African names (which I can't put on the blog until they get home) as their middle names. The jury is still out as to whether they will have a second American/family middle name (like Abram does).

Zahra (pronounced Zar-a, rhymes with car-a): Means "beautiful or shining flower"
This name has been on my "names I like" list since before we started this adoption process. I have no idea where I found it. I think it is actually an Arabic name. When we first started learning about the plight of orphans in C-country, the picture I had of the kids there was very grey and drab, with no color. I pictured a lot of concrete and dirt. When I saw that Zahra means beautiful or shining flower, I LOVED it. To me it was a picture of God taking a nearly lifeless orphan, bringing her into a FAMILY and then seeing her life bloom with the color and beauty of a flower. That is my hope for Zahra, our oldest daughter.

Zoe (prounounded Zo-E): Means "Life"
This meaning does not need much explanation. What better gift to give an orphan than LIFE - both physical and spiritual. We choose Zoe for our six year old girl because I can tell from the few pictures we received that she has some lively spunk in her. The name just fits her.

Isaiah: Means "God is salvation"
Jason and I have both loved this name for a long time and it was near the top of the list for Abram's name. The main reason we love the name Isaiah for our boy we are adopting is that we were studying the book of Isaiah at Cornerstone when we started this adoption process. God used many of the truths and themes of Isaiah to move in our hearts to care for orphans and to lead and guide us to adopt three kids from Africa.

This passage from Isaiah 58, in particular, was very defining for us:

6 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness[a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

It is not only the call to spend ourselves for the hungry, but also the promise that God will satisfy our needs in a sun-scorched land and strengthen us that we are clinging to.

A Few Needs

There are some things we need to be ready to have our kids come home from Africa. I thought this new-year-clear-out-your-kids-old-stuff-since-they-got-new-for-Christmas time would be a good time to let people know what some of our needs are. We would love any hand-me-downs you might want to get rid of.

Over the summer and part of the fall Jason and I worked extra jobs to make money to buy the bigger things we needed, like bunk beds for the girls, bedding, curtains, a dresser, a six-foot bench for our kitchen table (!) and other things we needed to get our house ready for three more kids. I've been frequenting Goodwill and am always able to find great clothes for the kids for $1.69 each. I love it!

Most of the remaining things we need are for the girls, since we've never had 6 and 7 year old girls before. And we (or, should I say, I) will be homeschooling them. The little guy is pretty well taken care of because he can play with Abram's toys and books.

So, here is our list of needs for hand-me-downs:

White dresser (for the boys room)
1 crib mattress (for a toddler bed)
Books (for 5-8 year old girls)
Games (for 5-8 year old girls)
Puzzles (for 5-8 year old girls)
Leap Frog games/toys that would help the kids learn English, etc.
DVDS-especially Leap Frog or other educational DVDs that will help the kids with English
2 scooters for the girls
2 bikes for the girls
2 trikes for the boys
Mini-trampoline (weird, I know . . . the kids need to have multiple forms of physical activity to do each day to help them regulate their bodies)
Swing set (if anyone happens to be getting rid of theirs)

You can email me at jenniferailenelee@gmail.com or leave a comment if you have any of these things you'd like to hand on down to us. Thanks so much!

Good Movie Coming Up

I wanted to let you know about a movie on Fox coming up that involves adoption. It is called Change of Plans. It has been talked about a lot on some adoption blogs I follow and I'm looking forward to watching it this Saturday night.

Here is some info I found about the movie:

"Change of Plans," the latest made-for-TV family movie from Walmart and Proctor & Gamble, is the fourth installment of Family Movie Night, debuting on Fox TV on Saturday, January 8, 2011 at 8/7C. "Change of Plans," stars Brooke White, Joe Flanigan and Phylicia Rashad, according to a December 10, 2010 press release from Fox TV.

"Change of Plans" shows how lives can be turned around in an instant, or phone call. The story is described as both humorous and heartwarming. The story is a lesson in how fulfilling life can be when you look beyond your own life and invest in other people.

Sally Danville (Brooke White, American Idol) and her husband, Jason (Joe Flanigan, Stargate: Atlantis) become instant parents when Sally's best friend from college dies in a tragic accident while serving in the Peace Corps. Sally's friend leaves Sally as legal guardian of her four children, three of whom have been adopted from third world countries. Suddenly, Sally and Jason must learn how to parent their instant family and help the kids adjust to life in American and culture clashes.