Adopting Older Kids

Jason and I made it back from an 8-day trip to super-sunny, 75-degree-California this past Sunday. Half of the trip was business for Jason, but the whole trip was vacation for me. And it was wonderful! We celebrated our 5-year anniversary (back in September!) and enjoyed time together before our lives get turned upside down soon. If I have time, I will try to post a few pictures from our trip.

Until then, I want to post the first of what I hope will be many posts on some of the things I've been reading to prepare for adopting kids internationally. There are so many GREAT resources out there (especially a few select blogs) that have helped us get a clearer picture of what our life is going to look like when we bring three orphans into our lives.

I know my family (ahem, my mom and sister!) think that I am over-preparing for this whole thing. :) But, what I read on the front page of the the Older Child Adoption website makes me stand firm in my resolve to keep on reading and preparing. And this excerpt just begins to scratch the surface of some of the issues our children may face. Here is the excerpt from www.olderchildadoption.com:

Older child adoption is a complex melding of joys an d challenges. In fact, the issues surrounding older child adoption might be called “the ugly, the bad, and the good.” Every parent considering older child adoption needs to read, talk with other parents, and read some more. And, one of the most important pre-adoption projects is to convince yourself that, “Yes, it WILL happen to me.”

Some older child adoptive parents may deal with developmental delays and challenges. Children may act younger than their chronological age. And, they may not be consistent i.e. they may speak at age level, be two years behind socially, and be physically three years behind. For children coming from orphanages, the rule of thumb is one month of delay for each three months spent in the orphanage. Parents will need to work on these child development gaps with at-home activities, or possibly with the help of physical, occupational, or other therapists and specialists

Some older adopted children slide into their new lives with little difficulty. These children joyously participate in their new family’s activities. They quickly learn the rules. They bond strongly, showing positive interactions with other family members. However, many older, special needs children, due to a combination of biological, emotional, and neurological issues, present challenges to their parents.

Older child adoptive parents should prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. Every prospective older child adoptive parent must acknowledge that they may be challenged in ways they cannot fully anticipate. They will deal with grief and loss in children. They will learn about the impact of trauma on children in their early years, about attachment and bonding, and possibly a new language if it’s an international adoption. The challenges may seem overwhelming at times, however, the rewards will be great!