I Finally Get to Introduce You . . .

to my friend Jen Summers from California.

The mysterious "CA friend" I have mentioned many times on my blog.

The woman God allowed me to connect with when I submitted a question to this blog over a year ago and Jen responded (hers is the second response). Her response was so Biblically-centered and thorough and different from anything I'd ever read in an adoption book that it made us rethink everything and then track her down to talk to her more. Just reading her response could be a blog post of its own - it is so good. (Read it!)

When we started the process to adopt three kids from a hard place, the thing that sticks out to me most was how dependent we were (and still are!) on God, trusting Him to come through every day and provide what we need to parent three kids to healing and attachment. God's putting Jen in my life is one of the biggest tangible examples of His provision. She has truly become my mentor in this crazy journey of parenting kids who are not yet attached. I don't know how we would be surviving without her wisdom (which primarily keeps pointing me to Christ). But, God knew that. He came through and provided what we needed.

If nothing else, you have to check out Jen's blog just to see her big, beautiful family! She and her husband, Jeff, have one biological son, three kids adopted from Africa and six kids adopted from foster care. Whew! All of their adopted children came to them with differing degrees of attachment issues. By God's grace they are ALL healed and attached. Praise God!

Jen just wrote a GREAT blog post entitled, Adoption Lessons: What's Love Got to Do With It?. I highly recommend reading it.

Six Months Under Our Belt

Six months ago today we met our three African kids at Chicago's O'Hare Airport and welcomed them into our family. I was a frenzied mess while I waited for them to walk through the doors at any minute.  I was grateful for our kids to be coming home, but scared out of my mind for how this whole thing was going to go down. 

I was better once I saw them. 

I remember looking at my mom and some other family after starting to interact with the girls, taking a deep breath and saying, "wow, this language barrier is going to be a lot harder than I thought it would be."

We have come a LONG WAY since this photo. There, were were six people standing together for a picture.

Now, we are a family.

My primary thought today, on this milestone, is that I am so glad to have the first six months under our belt. I remember the language barrier and the awkwardness of trying to be "family" with two girls around 10 years old was intense and weird those first few weeks.  Meanwhile Isaiah had the emotional needs of an infant baby and Abram would not stop hitting him. Oh, the early days! We jumped on a giant roller coaster.   We have rode it down to indescribable difficulty many days. And then climbed up, up and up to unbelievable joy. And then down again. And then up. And then down. And up again. By God's grace we are still on the roller coaster, being upheld by His righteous right hand every second of every hour of every day.

This past week as I've been reflecting on the kids being home for six months, these are some things I have thought about:

- 182 days together as a family (plus two nights the kids spent at Mark and Kate's while we went away)
- 530 meals eaten, sitting together at our kitchen table
- Tons of laughter shared together during meal times
- Incredible amounts of rice, beans, chicken and salt consumed by our family
- Homemade pizza every Friday night
- About 180 naps for Isaiah
- Hundreds of hugs with each child
- Loads of eye contact with each of them (I look at Abram in the eyes more than I ever did before, too!)
- Rocking the girls each probably 60 times so far
- Girls playing outside almost every day since they have been home
- At least 75 trips to the park
- Lots and lots and LOTS of playing inside
- Many, many, many, many firm boundaries held
- Many spiritual battles fought for our kids' broken hearts
- Hundreds of prayers prayed for healing
- Wisdom prayed for daily like no other time in my life
- TONS of mistakes made
- Depending on Jesus more than ever before
- Witnessing God move mountains right before my eyes.
- Seeing God come through EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Just like He promised He would when we made the crazy decision to adopt three kids.

One thing is for sure: God has used these past six months to knit us together as a family. These kids are definitely my children. I know which child is coming down the hallway in the morning by the way they open their bedroom door. I know how each one of them like their eggs. Claire says, "my goodness," exactly the way that I do. Zoe says, "cool," just like I do when she likes something. I know what brings them joy and I have been with them in their deep despair. And even though they don't always feel 100% like my kids yet, I love them with a fierce kind of love. A love that longs for their broken hearts to be healed. A love that is committed to not letting them to themselves. A love that battles for their heart-strings to be attached this new mom God gave them. I am so grateful God has allowed me to be part of His plan to love these kids toward healing and attachment. While there have definitely been more hard days than easy days in these last six months, there is nothing I'd rather be doing than this. The joy and blessing of knowing Jesus more, depending on Him like never before and seeing Him work have made every bit of pain and heartache worth it.

Also, when I think of these past six months, I can't stop thinking about how thankful I am for a certain six friends/sister (you know who you are!). Friends who have been by my side through all the ups and downs of the past six months. Friends who continue to hang out with me even though all I do is talk about the latest crazy behavior or the amazing thing God just did in one of the kids. I've had very little to give to my friends these last six months and yet they still give to me, pray for me and are in this battle with me. It brings me to tears. Just being able to hang out with these friends (either at the park or on our Girls Nights Out or going to my sister's) has greatly contributed to any feelings of "normalcy" in this new life. I love you friends/sister!

These last few months I have been pretty tunnel-visioned, focused on the needs of our kids. But, today at lunch Isaiah said something that made me zoom out. He finished eating his left-over pizza from Friday night and told me with a big smile how big and full his "balloon" (belly) was. I couldn't help but think about his life before he came into our family and how his belly was never that full. Certainly not full enough to have a big smile and be very happy about it. I thanked God for the gift of Isaiah having a full tummy and a big smile on his face, happy to be loved by his mom and dad. And I stopped to think about kids right now who do not have a fully belly. Kids who don't have a mom to rock them and a dad to flip them over his back. Kids who don't have parents to be in control so they continue to survive on their own at such a young age. Kids who don't have a mom and dad to look them in the eyes and let them know they are precious and valuable.  Kids who don't have parents praying for their broken hearts to be healed.

Is God asking you to say YES to this journey?

It is not an easy road to take. But I can confidently say, six-months in, that it is WORTH IT!

Tuesday was Abram's actual birthday. He opened gifts from Grandpa Tom and Grandma Merrie in Texas.

 He was excited to show Isaiah, down at the other end of the long table, his cool dump truck card!

A train book and construction site book. Thanks for the FUN gifts, Grandpa Tom and Grandma Merrie. We have read the books many times this week already and Abram wanted to wear one of his new shirts on his birthday.

 Showing Isaiah!

 We got him a water and sand table. It is the first real gift we have bought him!

We invited his friends over for the morning. Allie made him a birthday cinnamon roll.

 Since he is all about the candles, he loved getting to blow them out again!

 It was a beautiful day so we played outside a lot.

Abram line-drives this ball off the tee almost every time!

Monday: Mental Health Day

It was a great weekend of birthday celebrations. It really was. But, it is impossible for me to celebrate Abram's birthday without thinking about his birth family. Without their sacrifice and loss, we would not be celebrating the birthday of our son. Jason had taken all the kids to Brady's soccer game Saturday afternoon (I called it the World Cup game because the kids were SO EXCITED to see him play soccer!). Abram's Tia Leti called while they were gone. It was wonderful to talk to her as I was getting ready for his party. But, after I hung up the phone with her, the tears started flowing and I ended up on the floor bawling my eyes out. When I think about when Abram was born, there are some wonderful parts of it,  but it is mostly gut-wrenching thinking about his birth mom and family and all they had (and have) to go through to give him to us. 

Abram's birthday is wonderful. And good. And worthy of celebrating. So, we will always celebrate. But it is also heavy - loaded with emotions beyond my ability to express. So, I did what I do every year . . . I texted my wonderful friend Jill, who understands exactly, and asked her to pray for me. 

I also learned a big lesson . . . while you are in the middle of therapeutically parenting kids who are not yet attached and you have a birthday party: order pizza, call Hy-Vee to make a cake and have your family bring everything else!!  I'm serious. I didn't think I was trying to do it all. I had my family all help out. But making some food and a cake was TOO MUCH. There is a reason we normally don't go anywhere or have any outside commitments. I do not have the capacity under my current circumstances to do anything else well.

My two-hour nap on Sunday was wonderful but I was still feeling totally out of it Sunday afternoon and evening. And even by Monday I was not yet myself (felt depressed/in a funk/wiped out). So, I declared it "mental health day for mom," drove to Huxley and spent a good chunk of the day with my sister. Ahhh......

On our way to Kate's.

The kids played inside for a short time but it was beautiful out so they were outside most of the time. The boys took off to the pond. I found them on the farthest corner of the pond: Greysen with the big fish net, Isaiah with the small fish net and Abram with the fishing pole. Just seeing these three having fun and enjoying the great outdoors brought life to my soul. 

Here they are playing by the smaller pond (my sister's yard is a dream, especially now with more kids now to enjoy it!)

The girls' wasted no time running outside to pick flowers - they do it every time we go to Kate's now. I love it! They always make bouquets.

Here is Claire's picture of her bouquet. Stunning!

Notice Kate and I in the background . . . this is what we did for the whole three plus hours we were there. Talked and talked and talked. I haven't been to Kate's to just hang out in a few weeks. 

It did wonders for my soul. 

I didn't realize it at the time but when we got home Zoe had a fever and wasn't feeling good (I see it in her eyes in these pictures now). She had a fever and body aches for two days. It was a bummer, but the good of it was that she wanted to sit or lay on my lap the whole time. That was pretty sweet. I realized that if Abram were sick with a fever and wanting me to hold him, I would just hold him all day (as much as I could). So I used that same mindset with Zoe and tried to be available to hold her or be with her as much as I could (and still take care of three other kids) - realizing she never got that kind of nurture in her former life.  It is the first time she has been sick so it was a new experience for both of us. 

Jason's Birthday

Have I mentioned April is Birthday Month?! 

Sunday was Jason's birthday. I really wanted to make him an apple pie but I was so wiped out; that wasn't happening. Instead, after we all took two hour naps, we took the kids to Hickory Park for the first time at snack time, introduced them to cheese balls (or "cheese meat balls" as they called them) and let them have ice cream. 

Then we went to the park. 

 And tried out Abram's new kite he got for his birthday.

Did I mention I was wiped out? I sat right there on the ground the whole time we were at the park. (Good thing Claire likes to take pictures.) I wanted to be with my family and engage with them, but this was the best I could do. I did enjoy every minute of watching them and I loved seeing their joy as they each flew a kite for the first time.

Back at home with his guitar. This is one of Abram's favorite little spots to sit and play. There is a video Abram loves to watch of Chris Tomlin and Matt Redmon singing "Our God is Greater." So, he'll say, "I'll be Chris. You be Matt," and then he'll play his guitar. I don't know if it is from watching that video or if it is natural, but he sits like a guitar player!

 The bedtime routine.

Abram's Family Birthday Party

The pre-birthday party involved the four girls, Mya and Sydney's American Girls Dolls and one American Girl Catalog. Doing what all girls do . . .dreaming of what dolls and accessories they want. Pretty sure I know what our girls will be asking for for their birthdays! (Claire's bday is July 25 and Zoe's is August 25. Isaiah's is October 12.)

 LOVE seeing these four hang out together!

 I asked the boys to pose for a picture . . .

Then I asked them to put their arms around each other and this is what I got . . .

 And then this. Hilarious!

 The birthday boy eating his fruit kabab.

 The much anticipated guitar he was hoping to get for his birthday.

 Grammy, of course, made him a (matching) strap for it.

 All smiles with that guitar!

He also got a drum since he loves drumming so much. And he is sporting one of the sleeveless shirts he got. He is obsessed with sleeveless shirts and would wear them everyday if I let him. 

 Oh yeah!

 Cake time!

 I attempted to make him a guitar for his birthday. I originally traced a guitar of Greysen's but that piece of paper went missing when I needed it (oh, life with four kids!) so I just winged it!

 Kate's fabulous BEACH cake for Mya. The picture does not do it justice.

 Abram was very excited about the candles.

 And he blew them out before we finished singing!

 Little Miss Eight Year Old Mya.

The cousins spend the night Saturday night (for the first time!) and had their ice cream while they watched movie after the birthday party.

I had been wondering how the first family birthday party was going to go with our kids. Birthdays can be big triggers for kids who are adopted (both because of the reminders of the pain associated with losing their birth families and/or the desire of kids with RAD to sabotage the good, fun, close feelings associated with birthday parties. Our kids did really, really well the whole day. I am so thankful!

I probably had the hardest time. But, that is for a different post.