A Great Summer Night

Last Wednesday night we had a crazy, crazy wind storm - that was not the great summer night! We lost power, got the kids out of bed and all huddled downstairs in our unfinished bathroom for about an hour. Not a great picture (taken in the dark with Jason's phone), but here are four of us in the shower. 

Claire was pretty scared. Abram couldn't stop talking the next day about how we were "hiding" downstairs in the bathroom.

Here is the view from our deck at Claire's party on Wednesday afternoon:

 And  . . . here was the same view Thursday morning:

Our apple tree (that was loaded with apples) went down and took three sections of our neighbor's fence with it. OOPS!

In all the tree-falling-down-excitement that morning, someone thought it would be fun to take my picture . . . in my p-pops, not yet having brushed my hair. Just keeping it real here!

Jason and my brother-in-law were able to cut up and remove our tree from the neighbors yard that night. 

Meanwhile the kids picked up all the sticks in the yard from the storm and then got to have ice cream sandwiches. I actually took this picture to send to Abram's Texas family because he is sporting his Texas Tech shirt from them.

And then it was time for the real fun to start . . . emptying the pool

And then cleaning the pool. Not a great picture of Zoe, but she goes to town helping Jason clean the pool whenever they clean it. 

The kids have loved eating the little, sour apples from our tree. I'm pretty sure this is the "Africa" in them and I love it! Sad to not have an apple tree anymore.

It was super fun to stay outside, working in the yard as a family as it was getting dark (and past the boys' bed times).

A little fire for our sticks.

Notice a sleepy someone in the background with his blanket as we were finishing up?

Due to the fire we made and the heat, a bath was in order, even though it was late.

Working hard, getting dirty, having fun, staying outside after dark . . . a great summer night as a family!

Lake Fun

Last Sunday we took off right after church and drove to Grey's Lake in Des Moines. We had our picnic there after the zoo several weeks ago and the kids have asked multiple times to go back to swim. We packed another picnic lunch and then swam and played and swam and played.

It was a super fun few hours!

Definitely My Daughters

A few weeks ago, on her own initiative, Zoe decided to play "garage sale." She even made cookies and cut fruit to sell . . . to the boys, of course. Claire doesn't always play these kinds of things with Zoe, but she got in on the action. 

I loved it! They are definitely MY DAUGHTERS!

A Rare Opportunity

One day earlier this summer, Zoe went and got the mail as usual. When she handed it to me, I found myself holding a brochure saying Nancy Thomas (author of "When Love is Not Enough - A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD") would be speaking in Newton, Iowa, on September 21 & 22, 2012. 

Nancy Thomas speaking in Newton, Iowa - one hour from my home? $75 (if you register before August 21st) for two full days of training? I felt like I won the lottery.

In case you haven't picked up on this from my blog, without Jesus, Jen Summers and Nancy Thomas, we would not have survived the past nine months, nor be seeing the healing and progress we are seeing in our kids.

Jason and I have already registered and are planning to attend.

Who is coming with us?!?!

We would LOVE for others to go with us. If you are planning to adopt or foster, if you have already adopted or are doing foster care or if you want to actively support those who have adopted and/or are fostering, I highly encourage you to go. This is not just for parents who are or may be dealing with RAD. I believe her parenting principles apply to parenting all kids from hard places. There are many things from her book/DVDs that I wish I would have known about before our kids came home.

Having this big of a resource this close to us for this reasonable amount of money is a rarity, I assure you. Please email me for more information and I can send you the brochure (I got permission from the person in charge of registration). 

Claire's Birthday

Claire's birthday was yesterday. She turned 11. The fact that she is probably 2-3 years older than 11 is for another post at another time. For now, she is quite happy turning 11 and we are, too! 

Planning a party at this stage in my life felt like an impossibility. And then last week I decided, wait! this is my daughter's first birthday in our family . . . I need to do something. The girls and I found some fun colored plates and cups at Sam's Club (for the big family birthday in a couple weeks) so I just used those colors and found a few other things to go with it. And yes, thanks to the three good weeks we have had, I had the capacity to attempt a birthday banner. 

The girls were in full pre-party mode the day before Claire's birthday, eagerly helping me cook and get things ready. Just seeing their excitement the day before was so fun for me. Zoe started cleaning as soon as she woke up yesterday and had the house in tip-top shape by 8:30am. When that girl is happily "on-task" there is no stopping her! 

Zoe had a little photo session with Claire outside yesterday morning.

I love this picture of her with the boys.

God's timing of my girls having birthdays now (Zoe's is August 19th) - nine and ten months after being home - is a gift of grace. They are far enough along in their attachment and adjustment to be excited about their birthdays, yet firm enough in their understanding that we are their forever family. They are at a place where we felt like Claire could have a party with friends. Getting to have this many friends over to play for a good chunk of the day was a special treat since we have limited their time with my nieces and not really allowed them to play with other friends much at all.

My mom let the girls borrow a bunch of her beads for everyone to make necklaces. 

I tried to keep the boys occupied and out of the girls way before lunch. Playing in water always does the trick.

Claire picked tacos for lunch and she made fruit kabobs (grapes and strawberries on a skewer) herself the day before. 

 The girls did LOTS of swimming. 

Opening presents. 

Instead of a cake, Claire wanted a cookie and ice cream (otherwise known as "pazookie" in our world) so everyone got their own little cookie, straight out of the oven with ice cream on it. A big hit with all the girls!

I had fully braced myself for "issues" from both girls. From the time I first started reading about post-adoption issues, I have read that birthdays are nearly a universal trigger for big emotions/issues. Whether it is thinking about their birth family or not knowing exactly what their birthday is, etc., kids who were adopted can often struggle on their birthdays and siblings' birthdays. Claire, however - and not surprisingly - did great the whole day. Her attachment is strong (still growing, but strong) and she is so relational. Relating to others just comes very naturally to her and she enjoys it . . . so she had a wonderful day with all her friends. 

Little Miss RADish, on the other hand, did struggle - especially at the beginning of the party. I'll spare the details, but control and manipulation made their way back into her behavior. The girls who were here did a great job of encouraging Zoe at one point to be part of the fun (instead of sulking) and swim with them and after several invitations, Zoe finally did jump back in and was fine the rest of the day. So while she definitely struggled, it could have been so much worse. I am incredibly thankful that she did as well as she did, given it was a big day.

Her behavior yesterday reminded me about the fact that a child's attachment with a parent is the essential foundation for every other relationship of their life. If a good attachment with a parent is not present in a child's life, he or she will struggle with every other relationship in his/her life. This was evident yesterday. I felt that Zoe's biggest challenge was that she just didn't know how to navigate her role in Claire having a birthday and she didn't know how to relate with the other girls at first. So, she went back to using the tools that are much more familiar to her - control and manipulation. Fortunately, after time and encouragement from her friends, I think she realized she didn't need those faulty tools to relate to the other girls and she engaged with them better. So thankful for progress!

Having such and "older girl" birthday party as the first birthday of one of our African kids was, well . . . not what I envisioned a year ago. BUT, it was SO GOOD. Since we have limited friends for so long, I really enjoyed seeing how much my girls enjoyed playing with friends all day. (And I totally remember MY 11th birthday.) It was wonderful to just celebrate Claire. More and more she is such a JOY to us. Her smile lights up a room - and my heart. I love seeing her relational strengths grow and grow and her heart for others develop. I'm so thankful God chose me to be her mom. It is such a privilege. 

A few weeks ago, Claire asked me what her name meant. I didn't know (she chose her name a couple months after she came home), so I looked it up and found that it meant "bright, clear." 

BRIGHT . . . describes Claire exactly! 

Three Good Weeks

I know this isn't the clearest picture, but I couldn't resist posting it. It is from a Sunday night a few weeks ago. We put all of the kids in their rooms by 7:00p (or earlier) on Sunday nights (so we can talk and plan our week) and the girls get to play in their room for two hours before going to bed. We heard the girls singing and laughing at the end of their play time and thought it was odd because they usually play Barbies. We opened the door and found them dressed up in each other's clothes with "microphones:" a water bottle and pen. HILARIOUS! (And I totally remember doing this with my sister and cousins when I was their age, so I especially loved it.)

We have just experienced three, solid, really GOOD weeks. THREE WEEKS of NO major RAD behavior issues.  NO big battles and NO raging. THREE WEEKS! And we haven't just been sitting around doing nothing either! God has put some sweet ministry opportunities right in our path that made life not "normal" for a few days in there. 

Of course I do feel like the bottom could fall out at any moment. I will be VERY surprised if we do not circle back around to the old, crazy behavior to some extent again. But, until then I am enjoying my relationship  with Zoe that is becoming more and more real and authentic. Jesus is healing her! 

Another evidence of healing is that there have been several occasions in these last three weeks where she was "on the verge" of a big meltdown. But . . . she handled every one of those situations by using her words and/or just crying but getting over it quickly instead of raging and being super disrespectful. Major progress!

For example, one of our "not normal" activities was going to our connection group (church small group) for the first time in nine months last Monday. We chose to go when it was at our friend's, the Scotts, because our kids are familiar with their house and family. We arrived after everyone else and there were quite a few people there. I got three of my kids their food and a place to eat, but Zoe was playing on one side of the room with toys and didn't want to come. When I went up to her to ask her if she wanted to eat, she whispered to me respectfully, "there are a lot of people over there." OH. MY. WORD. I could have done a cartwheel right then and there!! Previously she would have hid or flailed around or been disrespectful because she felt scared/out of control. But, last Monday night she USED. HER. WORDS. TO. COMMUNICATE. HER. FEELINGS.

Can I get a HALLELUJAH please?!?!

This type of scenario - her using her words and being able to "snap out of it" much quicker instead of raging/hiding/disrespecting me - has happened a number of times in the past three weeks. I cannot even express the joy to see this happening in front of my eyes. JESUS is truly healing her!

Another huge thing is that she is allowing me to show her WAY MORE affection than I have ever been able to. She will choose to come sit on my lap at times. She will choose to snuggle in close to me when I am reading to her. Today at lunch without any prompting she said "thank you for the cheese" (she loves cheese and I let her have some on her rice and ham). AHHHHH! I could just about cry sitting here and recounting all the ways God is working in her. 

Another highlight of the past few weeks was at connection group: the girls watched all of the younger kids (Abram, Isaiah and Owen and Gibson Scott) in the back yard. One time I went out to check on them and Claire told me I could go because they were doing just fine. :) I loved it! There were also two older kids there that one of the couples in our group is fostering right now. One of the kids was an 11 year old girl. When I went out to check on the kids, she and Claire were sitting at the table talking. I don't know much of what they talked about and I know nothing of this other girl's story. BUT, I got choked up realizing that 11 year old girl had to have known Claire could relate to her life. Claire clearly is not living with her original birth family, as this girl was not either. It makes me pray big prayers for God to use our kids' lives for His glory to love and serve other kids who have experienced so much loss and grief. 

Another fun highlight: Claire and I served in the younger toddler room at church two Sundays ago (serving at church - another first for us since the kids have come come) and she absolutely LOVED every minute of it! I am not exaggerating when I say that she has asked me at least 15 times since then about when we can go back and work in the class. She just brought it up again last night. Jason and I have sensed for many months that Claire has a special heart and gift with young children. I also sense she has a heart for God, even though she can't quite talk about all the details of what that means right now.

And here is one of my most memorable moments with my girls so far . . . 

It is a long story, but we were able to help out a few Chinese women whose apartments burned in an apartment fire in our town a week and a half ago. I was driving my van with four Chinese women, two of their kids, Abram and my two girls (yes, 10 of us in a 7 passenger van). Seeing my two girls totally squished between these new Chinese friends in my van while we were meeting their needs was a priceless treasure to me. Being able to serve with my daughters these new friends who speak a different language was an incredible blessing. And even after we were away from home for big chunks of time two days in a row helping our new friends, the girls adjusted great back at home. I, on the other hand, took all week to recover. I napped three days last week - which is about the total number of naps I took in my whole life before my three kids came home. :) (Those naps also explain the lack of blogging last week!)

The girls have been connecting really well with Jason lately, too. I think this picture below was after connection group last week - we let them stay up late and hang out with us on the deck (which we are clearly loving!). 

The Boys

Just a few pics of the boys. While they are a handful at times - of course - because they are two three-year olds, I absolutely LOVE having two little boys so close in age (6 months apart). They have so much fun together and I enjoy seeing the creative things they come up with together. Of course they continue to have spats (usually always instigated by Abram), but they are learning to play well together more and more and it is such a joy to me.

One of their favorite things to do these days is "push" daddy's car out of the driveway when he leaves for work.

 And then run back to the door with huge smiles on their faces (hard to see here). I love it!

Hanging out on the deck. 

 Playing "letters" in the bath tub.

Isaiah is doing so well. Man, has he come a long way. A few weeks ago, I ran across an old post from  December about Isaiah and was blown away by how far he has come. In light of the past month's struggles with the girls, I tend to forget how much I used to struggle with loving and parenting Isaiah. Jesus has done so much healing in his life. He is a pretty easy-going boy who loves to play, color, swim (he is a FISH!) and do everything else little boys like to do. He does SO WELL at using his words to get his needs met. He receives love and gives love well, too. He still struggles to have a personality of his own (easily copies what Abram says and does) at times and is sometimes too compliant so I know there is still some healing left to be done in him. Whenever I notice this "old"/"trauma" (whatever you want to call it) behavior circling back, I first get annoyed. But, then God always reminds me to pull him in closer with more nurture and affirmation, warm eye contact and cuddling and I kid you not, within less than a day he is a different, more connected child. The power of nurture for kids from hard places is so strong!

And Abram . . . well, he is a typical three-year old. He needs lots and lots of training and instruction and discipline right now, but he keeps all of us laughing most days and he STILL tries to be the boss and remind everyone he was here first - even though the kids have been home almost nine months now.

I Held a Miracle

I spent much of last week grieving with and for a friend from our church as she and her husband lost and buried their baby - a baby they were planning to adopt, but instead spent 62 hours with here on earth, alongside their baby's birth family. It is an absolutely gut-wrenching, beautiful story with the hand of God evident every step of the way. Amanda is just beginning to tell their story and you should read it in her own words on her blog. 


The fact that God has and is allowing me to walk alongside them in their joy and deep grief has been an astounding privilege. My life has been deeply impacted by what I've seen God do through my friends' lives. Getting to witness and even hold in my arms the tiny life of Miracle Renee Stevenson Cooper is something I will always treasure and never forget. 

War and Peace

As I was driving with my kids to "Crazy Park" (the fitting name my kids gave to the old Roosevelt school park in town) this morning, I was struck by the quote on the Veteran's Memorial on Grand Avenue - the memorial I've driven by a hundred times:

To be prepared for war, is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.
(George Washington, from the First Annual Message to Congress, January 8, 1790...had to look that up!)

This quote struck me because it is very true of my own spiritual life. My heart is more at peace when I am prepared for war. When I am not prepared for war emotionally and spiritually and a battle breaks out, it catches me off guard and I am way more likely to worry, fear and not have peace. I am still learning to always be prepared for war.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:10-18

4th of July Fun

Since fireworks were on the 3rd, we killed time by swimming longer than usual after dinner. The kids LOVE playing "Marco Polo" with Jason!

I may have started a new 4th of July tradition . . . PAZOOKIE (cookie dough in a pie plate, slighty underbaked with several scoops of ice cream and a spoon for each person)

We watched fireworks with the Wheelers in Slater.

We usually go to the Slater parade with my sister's family but they were on vacation. So, we went with some other friends who have two kids adopted from the same country as ours (you can't see their youngest in the picture). 

The boys got to each make a rope.

And grind corn.

And lo and behold, we let each child ride a ride!

Zoe didn't want to ride by herself and wanted me to ride with her. This was very good for attachment and bonding but was NOT very good for my tendency to get motion sick.

Even after I napped that afternoon, I still felt sick!

Later in the afternoon, our good friends, Yong and Qing (pronounced Ching) stopped over. We had not seen their twin boys for eight months. Adorable!

We hung out and played.

And my mom and Ed came over for dinner.

Apart from the motion sickness, it was a great first 4th of July as a family of six!