Adoption Update

I thought I would post an adoption update to report where we are at and some of the things we learned while spending time with Sonja from MLJ this past weekend.

We have been waiting for our 171H document, which is the approval of our Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition (I-600A). I called to check on the status of it last week and just this morning. They couldn't find it this morning and said they would check on it. I was a little frustrated. But, guess what I found in my mailbox this afternoon? Our 171H approval! It states, "It has been determined (by the US govt.) that you are able to furnish proper care to an orphan(s)..." Yippee!

As soon as we receive the adoption papers from C-country, showing that all three of our kids have been legally adopted in their country, we can send in our next (and last, I think!) document. I've been told our in-country adoption papers should be arriving any day. Our next/last document to send in is the I-600, which is a petition to classify an orphan as an immediate relative.

So, here is my estimated current timeline: Send in our I-600 in 2 weeks + 6 weeks for the I-600 approval + 4 weeks (for two embassy appointments) = about 12 weeks until our kids come home!

When you break it down into 2 weeks, 6 weeks and 4 weeks, all of the sudden it sounds like our kids are coming soon! AHHHH!

People ask us a lot if we are excited. While we are definitely happy and grateful to be adopting three kids, "excited" isn't exactly the word that describes the feeling I have. Maybe it does for Jason, I'm not sure! Because we are adopting three kids, we are expecting it to be C.R.A.Z.Y and very difficult for awhile when they get here. While I am definitely looking forward to looking at our kids' faces and wrapping my arms around them and while I can't wait for them to finally have a family to belong to, I can't exactly say I am "excited" for the chaos that will inevitably ensue. Let's just say I'm enjoying the calm before the storm right now. (And I'm trying to finish Abram's baby book/adoption story before then, too!)

Our time with Sonja over the weekend was so great. All five of the families from Cornerstone who are adopting from MLJ had lunch with Sonja and sat around for two hours asking questions and hearing more about C-country, the process, the kids, etc. What a blessing! Sonja has met our girls and she told us how sweet they are. When she talked about how much the orphans dream of having a family to belong to, I started to lose it! We learned that MLJ has a social worker that meets with our girls once a week to help them process their being adopted. I love that they are doing that. She said we should get a report from the social worker right before they travel.

Someone asked what the kids eat. She said a lot of chicken and rice (whew! I can handle that), hot dogs and other fairly normal stuff. She said they aren't allowed to have much, if any, sugar in the foster homes. :) Sonja said the foster moms grow to love the kids a lot. She said the moms will love getting pictures of our kids once they are with us, so they can see them in their forever families. I have a new-found love and respect for our kids' foster moms.

Well, that is about the extent of what I remember from our time with Sonja. Getting to hear so many more details was like making the fuzzy picture I have in my head much more clear . . . and REAL.

10 Questions for Parents Preparing to Adopt or Foster

The following is from Empowered to Connect, which I've already mentioned is probably the single best resource to help parents who are adopting children internationally or fostering children.

We believe it is critically important that parents who are preparing to adopt or foster a child must be honest and realistic about the journey and the challenges that lie ahead. Just as Jesus in Luke 14 challenged those who would follow him to ‘count the cost,’ so too parents who respond to God’s call to adopt or foster must be willing to count the cost of the adoption journey and prepare to “lay down their lives” to love their child and help him or her become all that God intends.

The following questions are designed to help parents (and parents-to-be) begin to honestly assess the journey ahead…and what it will require. We encourage you to thoughtfully and prayerfully consider these questions. They are not meant to scare you or in any way discourage you from continuing on this amazing path. Instead, our desire is simply that these questions will point you toward the hope and help that you need to form a strong and lasting connection with your child as you faithfully follow God’s call in your life.

1. Are you willing to acknowledge and fully embrace your child’s history, including that which you know and that which you will likely never know?

2. Are you willing to accept that your child has been affected by his/her history, possibly in profound ways, and as a result that you will need to parent your child in a way that exhibits true compassion and promotes connection and healing?

3. Are you willing to parent differently than how you were parented, how you have parented in the past, or how your friends parent their children? Are you willing to “un-learn” certain parenting strategies and approaches that may not be effective with your child, even if you have used these strategies and approaches successfully with your other children in the past?

4. Are you willing to educate yourself, your parents, family and friends on an ongoing basis in order to promote understanding of your child’s needs and how best to meet those needs?

5. Are you willing to be misunderstood, criticized and even judged by others who do not understand your child’s history, the impacts of that history and how you have been called to love and connect with your child in order to help him/her heal and become all that God intends?

6. Are you prepared to advocate for your child’s needs, including at school, church, in extracurricular settings and otherwise, in order to create predictability and promote environments that enable your child to feel safe and allow him/her to succeed?

7. Are you willing to sacrifice your own convenience, expectations and desires in order to connect with your child and help him/her heal, even if that process is measured in years, not months?

8. Are you willing to fully embrace your child’s holistic needs, including his/her physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs?

9. Are you willing to seek ongoing support and maintain long-term connections with others who understand your journey and the challenges that you face? Are you willing to intentionally seek and accept help when you encounter challenges with your child that you are not equipped to adequately deal with?

10. Are you willing to acknowledge that you as a parent bring a great deal to the equation when it comes to how your child will attach and connect? Are you willing to honestly examine (on an ongoing basis) your motivations and expectations relating to your adoption journey? Are you willing to look at your own past (including your past losses and trauma, both big and small) and consider how your past may impact your interactions with your child? Are you willing to consistently examine your role as parent as you experience challenges and difficulties along the journey?

As you read through the above questions, you may have concluded that some of the questions didn’t apply to you and your situation. That may be the case to some extent,as every adoption and foster care experience is unique. However, we encourage you to spend some time reading and talking with other experienced adoptive and foster parents about what you should realistically expect as you travel this journey. We find that parents sometimes start with less than accurate assumptions about how the adoption or foster care journey will unfold, and as a result they are more likely to form unrealistic expectations. We believe that these questions are helpful and instructive for all parents considering or pursuing adoption and foster care, and we hope that as you work through them they will lead you toward greater insight and understanding.

© 2010 Empowered To Connect

Don't Miss This Sunday!

I just want to post a reminder about the meeting with MLJ Adoptions C-country program director this Sunday, December 19th at 4:00p at the Cornerstone Church Cafe area.

This meeting is open to ANYONE . . . in Ames or outside of Ames, part of Cornerstone or not, thinking seriously about adoption, or just wanting to hear more.

This is seriously an AMAZING OPPORTUNITY! To be able to sit down and talk directly to a representative from a very reputable adoption agency - and in this case, the woman who established the C-country adoption program for the agency - and ask her anything, get more information, meet other families asking similar questions . . . incredibly valuable! In my experience, you usually have to go to these agencies to get this and they usually charge a fee. This is FREE and right here in Ames!

I hope to see you there!