Happy {& Sad} Birthday Abram!

Perhaps I should have titled this, "What I Want You to Know about Birthdays and Adoption."

While today is a wonderfully happy, joyful day, celebrating the gift of Abram's life, it is also profoundly sad. I cried myself to sleep last night grieving for Abram's birth family in Texas who I know loves him deeply and misses him - especially terribly on his birthday. I cried for the pain and grief his birth mother carries with her regularly. I cried for his Tia Leti, thinking about how I would feel if my sister placed a baby for adoption two years ago. I would miss that little boy SO MUCH on his birthday.

And I cried for Abram. As he gets older, I begin to see adoption through new lenses. Can you imagine having been created by God through two people who you never see? Can you imagine realizing you were formed inside the womb of a woman you never see? For some reason, God allowed me to imagine it and it hurt so badly. It seemed so wrong. It is not how God created life to be (but we live in a fallen world). Even though Abram has a great life and a great family those things do not erase the loss of biological ties for a child who was adopted. Thankfully God - by His grace - has redeemed that brokenness and most days of the year, we can feel great and happy about adoption (or not even really think about it at all). But birthdays are triggers for the losses that are part of every adoption. There is a near 100% chance Abram is going to feel all of this someday . . . and I wept for him having to do that.

I cried again today when I talked to Tia Leti on the phone. She told me she got out the pictures of her holding Abram for the first time right after he was born. Oh, the tears we both cried. We talked about how we both know that our relationship/situation is the best, but it is still hard. Even the best adoption situation still involves loss and pain and grief. Here is Leti's comment on my Facebook status this morning about Abram's birthday today:

"I was going to try not to boo-hoo today but i just can't, thinking about the first time i held him! Happy Birthday lil man! YOUR presence has brought strangers together to be one loving extended family all the way from Texas to Iowa! Love you with all my heart! Tia Leti"

There is no question our lives are filled with greater joy because of Abram and how God brought two families together to create a new extended family. So we of course joyfully celebrate his life today. None of his birthdays, though, will ever be without some sadness of what he has lost and what his birth family is missing. But - again, thanks be to God - the sadness is not in vain. It makes us truly long for heaven when there will be no more pain and all of the wrongs of our fallen world will be made right.

Now, onto the HAPPY! Abram LOVES trains so we planned to take Abram to ride the Boone & Scenic Valley Railroad train. However, it turns out that Ms. Details here missed the part of the website that said, 'These trains will operate from Memorial Day Weekend through October 31.' OOPS! To my defense, though, I did call and ask if they were open on Easter and they said 'yes' so I guess I got some wrong information.

Well, as you can see from the pictures below, Abram still had a blast and didn't even notice that we didn't actually ride a train. (Whew!)

And then to DQ for some birthday ice cream (of course)!

We will definitely be going back to Boone to actually ride the train after Memorial Day. Maybe we can talk Tia Leti into coming to visit to join us!

So Much to Blog About . . .

So little time right now.

I could blog about how we are moving in three days and while I'm thrilled to be moving to a new house, I had to do a little mourning for the house we are leaving. It was the first house I bought (while I was still single) and I put a lot of blood and sweat into this house, making it totally and completely mine (and then ours). My sister said to me last night, 'isn't weird to think about someone else living here?' That explains my feelings exactly.

After we thankfully sold our old couch on Craigslist and hauled it upstairs the other night, Abram wanted in on the action. He so badly wanted to carry that chair upstairs!

I could blog about how excited I am to drive to Chicago a few days after we move to celebrate with our good friends (who are in our connection group at church) when they meet and bring home their son from C----. He will be the first of all the kids coming to Central Iowa from C----. I absolutely cannot wait!

I could blog about the great get-together we had with many of the families in our area adopting from C----. It continues to be an incredible blessing to walk together with many other families through the C---- adoption process. We even had a new single gal from Pleasant Hill join us because she is adopting from there as well. That makes TWELVE families in our little Central Iowa area who are adopting from C----. God is doing an incredible thing!

And then I could on and on for a long time about how we got new pictures of our two girls being silly together, looking totally and completely like the true sisters that they are (though they are not biologically related). I should probably process the feelings I have when I look at those new pictures of them. They will be a year older when they come than they were when we accepted their referrals, which means they will be 7 & 8 when they arrive. While I know WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that God has led us to adopt these two girls (and our son), my current feelings could be summed up as completely freaked out! Good thing I have until August to continue to have God prepare my heart.

Urgent Need

I learned of this need through a blog I follow. As my heart broke for this girl, I decided I had to post this on my blog in the hopes that it might somehow, possibly reach someone who could give this beautiful girl a family. At the very least, I hope this girl will provide a real-life face to the need to adopt orphans. Even if you can't adopt her, perhaps you can you can start the adoption process to adopt a different orphan so that he or she does not end up with four weeks of his/her life before there is no hope.

"This week IBESR, the Haitian Social Services, informed the orphanage that if Elange is not matched with a family within the next 4 weeks, they will not allow her to be adopted. The reason is that she must be under 16 years old at the time she is issued her visa. Elange’s chances are running out and the very worst part of it all is that she knows. She knows that no one has chosen her. She has watched as one by one parents have come for their children, her friends, while she watches and waits. She begs me, over and over again not to leave her there forever. She begs me to find her someone. The last time I left she reminded me on my way out the door, to show her picture to all of the people who might want a bigger girl. She understands, she knows people want babies… SHE deserves to be someone’s 'baby'."

Beautiful

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful

You are made for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful
You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are HIS

You're beautiful

I'm praying that you have the heart to fight
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight

For all the lies you've held inside so long

They are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful

You are made so much more than all of this

You're beautiful
You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are HIS.

You're beautiful

This is Elange. Most of you met her here. My heart has been so heavy for Elange, this week the weight overloaded. I found out something that breaks my heart. This week IBESR, the Haitian Social Services, informed the orphanage that if Elange is not matched with a family within the next 4 weeks, they will not allow her to be adopted. The reason is that she must be under 16 years old at the time she is issued her visa. We are already pushing it. No one really knows the average adoption timeline for Haiti post-earthquake but given the rate that our files are moving through, we estimate around 9 months. This does not give Elange time to wait.

The reality of this situation is that if someone does not step forward and chose this precious girl she will be lost. Her dreams of becoming a doctor will be impossible. If she does not get adopted she will have to leave the orphanage. Her life will become like hundreds of thousands of other Haitian women. She is worth so much more than that!

Elange’s chances are running out and the very worst part of it all is that she knows. She knows that no one has chosen her. She has watched as one by one parents have come for their children, her friends, while she watches and waits. She begs me, over and over again not to leave her there forever. She begs me to find her someone. The last time I left she reminded me on my way out the door, to show her picture to all of the people who might want a bigger girl. She understands, she knows people want babies… SHE deserves to be someone’s “baby”.

Right now I am doing everything in my power to keep the promise that I made to Elange, to tell everyone I can, to show her picture, to make sure she has a chance to be known, loved.

Elange needs a family to step forward with either a current Haitian approved dossier OR current USCIS approval for international adoption. Because of the time limits she needs someone that is paperwork ready.

For someone with current USCIS approval (not specific to Haiti) an application can be made to rush their status for another country. This will need to be done right away.

The current criteria for adoption from Haiti are…

-Couples must be married for at least 10 years.

- At least one parent must be 35 years or older.

- Couples may have no more than 2 biological children.

- Single men are not allowed to adopt, single women are acceptable and must be at least 35 years old.

- FDPD also requires that adoptive parents must be of Christian faith.

The fee for Elange’s adoption is $10,000. It is big, it is scary. God is bigger. Financial concerns are the #1 thing that hold people back from adoption, please don’t let that be the case for this girl. We are working on setting up a fund for the costs associated with this adoption. There will be some sort of scholarship in place to help mitigate the cost of this adoption. We don’t know yet what that will be, but that is what faith is, “being sure of what we hope of and certain of what we do not see”.

I believe with all of my heart that God has plans for Elange’s life. I believe that He longs to rescue her. His plans are not dependent on our abilities, finances do not intimidate Him. The only thing that can prevent God from doing a big work in this life is fear. He only requires you to step out in faith, His promises cover the rest.

Please, if you would like information about adopting Elange contact me. Let’s give this girl a chance!