Oh the Roller Coaster of Adoption

Two weeks ago, it was as if Jason and I got in a little roller coaster car. Only I think we forgot to put our seat belts on! We had quite the ride of highs and lows.

The week started with the two new pictures of our girls that my last blog post was about. Those pictures helped me take a few more steps down the road of loving these girls like my own (it is definitely a process . . . more on that later). In my last blog post I mentioned that we thought our 5 1/2 year old looked older than that. Sometime on Tuesday we learned that she is not 5 1/2, but 7 years old. SEVEN. We thought we wanted 3 and 4 year old girls. Then we thought we were adopting 5 1/2 and 6 year old girls. We are now adopting 6 and 7 year old girls. Welcome to the world of adoption!

Seeing 7 years old was a shock initally, but I am really okay with it. By now these are our girls, so it doesn't matter how old they are or what illnesses they might have, etc. (they both received good reports of health by the way).

On Wednesday night, out-of-the-blue, I had the first-ever panic attack of my life. I didn't know what was going on at the time, but it was terribly frightening. I now know it was a gigantic arrow from the evil one.

On Friday I reached the end of my rope regarding an issue that is holding up our home study. About three weeks ago we learned that in addition to the background check I already had processed and received from Thailand, I now may also need a child abuse registry check from Thailand. (Why we were not informed to have this done along with the background check remains to be learned and is very frustrating). Today - a week and a half later - there is still no resolution on the matter. I'll spare you the details. But, it has been incredibly frustrating to say the least.

A few weeks ago I remember quoting myself saying, "God knows exactly when our kids are coming home and nothing that happens during the paperwork of adoption will change that." Those words were easy to say four weeks ago. They have been very difficult to believe the past two weeks. But, I am trusting that God can take care of my Thailand issue in 10 seconds from now if He wanted. We are waiting on Him.

On Saturday our little roller coaster ride climbed to new heights. First, in the morning we received some detailed information about our girls' history. We were not expecting to get any information like this so we were very surprised. The information is a priceless treasure. While it is heartbreaking to read, knowing more specific details about their abandonment, how long they have been in the orphanage, school, etc. REALLY helped this whole thing to feel more real and it helped us feel more connected to the girls. I won't say much about their history, but I will say that they were definitely old enough to remember their abandonment and that has been very heavy on my heart lately. Oh, the pain they must feel. We also learned that they have been in school for the past few years, which is encouraging.

One of our girls said (to our agency's social worker) that she knows she has a family in the US and she wants to join them soon. How SWEET is that??!!

Knowing that we are now going to have six and seven year old girls now, Jason and I talked a lot that Saturday morning/afternoon on a drive to Pella and back about what age of little boy we should ask for. Should we specifically ask for an infant, a boy Abram's age or let God just give us what He is going to give us? Sometimes this whole "getting to decide the age-thing" is overwhelming. We originally said between 0-2, but we also weren't expecting to have to homeschool two girls so soon. We didn't really come to a conclusion during our drive.

When we got home from Pella there was an email in my inbox with a picture of a two year old boy, saying he was available for adoption and would we like to adopt him. It was as if God said, "Here you go. I'll make this easy for you. Here is your boy!" He is now our boy and we are naming him Isaiah. He has big, beautiful eyes like his brother, Abram. God has been so faithful every step of the way to show us His direction.

Saturday night, however, the roller coaster ride took another dive. All of a sudden (AGAIN) Jason couldn't see out of part of his right eye. Again it was quite frightening for both of us. We called an eye doctor, Jason did some exercises and it seems to get better. Another arrow from the enemy.

That Saturday night it became clear that the enemy of our faith is out to get us. He is not happy that God is rescuing three orphans through the Lee family. At that point I was absolutely and completely emotionally wiped out. The week's overwhelming highs and lows and frustrations had did me in. I had to just go to bed. I couldn't function.

I'm so thankful God's mercy is new every morning.

I share all of this to keep our adoption journey real. I have heard other adoptive families talk about the spiritual warfare that begins to take place when they start to adopt and I guess we are now experiencing it for ourselves. By the grace of God we will continue to press on to bring these orphans home to their forever family. We are weak and cannot do it, but Jesus can. We are relying on Him.