And Then the Enemy Attacked . . .

Three weeks ago was one of the best weeks we have had as a family and it was preceded by several good weeks. God was doing some really cool things. I blogged about it for heaven's sake! Homeschooling was going great, our RADish was showing more signs of healing and attachment than ever before and life was, dare I say . . . normal?  Not to mention God had already begun using Jason's job - though officially a fundraising position - to advocate for some kids in the foster system who need families and want to be adopted.

And then last week the enemy attacked . . .

Last Tuesday night our sweet RADish had possibly the worst raging episode up to that time. It was by far the most evil. To be honest, I thought these terrible rages might be behind us. She had made so much progress in attachment that I was surprised by the need to test our love was still there. But, alas, I am still learning a lot about the complex world of attachment challenges. When the rage was over, she allowed me to give her tons of love and affection, so that was good. But, to have grown much more emotionally close to my girl and then have an episode like felt like whiplash and triggered some of my own trauma from last year.

The very next night we were in Ankeny having dinner with a couple who wanted to know more about adoption. My mom called me frantically to tell me that Abram was having a febrile (fever) seizure. He had had a fever that day and this was his 5th or 6th febrile seizure since he was about one so I told her to stay calm. Then mom said Abram's mouth and nose were blue. That has never happened before. I hung up, called 911 (as I cursed the enemy) and we raced back to Ames, praying and frantically texting and calling people to pray. Abram came out of the seizure normally, after about two minutes, but the paramedics still took him to the ER in the ambulance (with my mom) to have him checked out. We arrived at the hospital the same time as the ambulance. Besides looking terrible from being sick, he was fine and we were able to go home a couple hours later. (P.S. The last febrile seizure Abram had was the very first night our three African kids slept under our roof . . . Hello spiritual warfare!)

And just for fun. . . before I went to bed Wednesday night, I listened to a message I had on my phone. It was Sam's Club telling me that the two containers of spinach I bought (and we had eaten part of, of course) were being recalled for ecol i. Seriously?!? At this point, I almost laughed. Really, Satan, do you think Jesus is not bigger than ecol i?? 

Sometime during one of those days last week, I took Zoe's hair out and then did hair for the better part of two days. (While I really love doing the girls' hair, doing hair completely takes over life and I lose all control of everything else, which I don't like!) Suffice to say we were a little weary by the end of last week. Jesus and His Word sustained us and we were so thankful for the many friends and family praying for us.

The verse I happened to be memorizing last week was 2 Corinthians 9:8 . . . "And God is able to make EVERY grace overflow to you, so that in EVERY way always having EVERYthing you need, you may excel in EVERY good work."

God made many, many graces overflow to us last week in the midst of spiritual attack, but perhaps the biggest grace (if there is such a thing!) is how God's TRUTH has CONQUERED FEAR in my heart. As Jason and I drove from Ankeny to Ames (25 minutes), not knowing what was going on with Abram, having no idea if he was breathing or not . . .

I DID NOT HAVE FEAR IN MY HEART.

I think I need to say it again . . . I DID NOT HAVE FEAR IN MY HEART.

The ONLY explanation for this is God's grace and the power of His TRUTH that has overcome my fear. If Abram's incident would have happened in any of the previous 35 years of my life, I would have been an anxiety-wrecked woman, paralyzed by fear. But, as I went through the worst case scenarios in my head in the car (as I'm guessing every woman does!), God's powerful truth overcame them.

If the worst happened and Abram died . . . death has lost its sting because of Jesus' death on the cross. I would see my boy again in heaven and while immensely painful, God would use it for good here on earth. God has every one of my kids' days numbered. I can rest in God's sovereignty. (Little disclaimer: In no way do I mean to say if you have lost a child, just believe these truths and everything will be okay. I know it is much more complicated and difficult than that. I say what I did to show how God's truth helped me in my few minutes of fear, not how easy it would be to deal with the loss of a child.)

If Abram did not get enough oxygen to his brain and he was impaired in some way . .  we would still be okay. We are parenting kids with difficult issues now and God would see us through it again.

People, this is not the me that I have known most of my life! I recently listened to an excellent message series by Beth Moore where she encouraged women to let God live through you in a way that you no longer recognize who you are. I cried in awe of God when I heard her say that because I realized it was true of me. I don't recognize myself with this new freedom to NOT FEAR. Yes, I still struggle with fear and I have to FIGHT it with TRUTH, but fear no longer enslaves me.

The primary way God has overcome fear in my life is through my sweet RADish girl. Parenting her has exposed every weakness and frailty in me. All of her crazy, difficult, manipulating behavior in the past year left me feeling unimaginable losses of control (which led to fear). In learning to parent her from a Biblical perspective, God has given me hundreds of opportunities to BELIEVE HIS TRUTH in the midst of situations that looked and felt absolutely out of control and horrible. I can easily say this past year has been the most heart-transforming for me than any of my other 18 years of knowing Jesus. I am so grateful to God for what He has done.

To God be the glory as He continues to heal my daughter . . . and me.