All is Not Lost

From: savetheorphan.blogspot.com

Have you ever come across something that so accurately expresses things you have been thinking and feeling but have never been able to put into words? Last night I had such an experience. My good friend, Janel Sullivan, sent me a blog post (savetheorphan.blogspot.com) that puts into words so much of what I have come to realize adopting orphans is going to mean for us - and them. The blog is about children and an orphanage in Sierra Leone, which is a worn-torn country similar to the country we are adopting from. I can talk about attachment issues, learning disabilities, and other adoptionese issues (which I do hope to do) that kids who are adopted from hard places will likely face. But, this is what it all boils down to . . .

Though Innocence is Taken…All is Not Lost
We call these children “orphans”…. Children who have lost parents…suffered immense loss…parentless…. To think this is the darkest part of their life ….the only piece that defines them… would be naïve and quite an understatement…

I think it is fair to say that “orphans” are plagued by not only living life “alone” but suffer through pasts many of us may not ever feel we could overcome… How about the child who is not only orphaned but also a victim of child abuse… intense physical and emotional battery… what about the orphan who not only lost their parents but actually witnessed their untimely death first hand…. The child who has vivid dreams of the moment their parent took their last breath.. what about the orphan who works for a living and at 12 years old cannot read or write a complete sentence because they have never been given the education or stimulation to overcome their learning disability….what about the orphan who was born malnourished, was abandoned by their mother and left for dead in the “starvation” unit of a third world hospital… what about the orphan who was taken from her mother because her mother sold her little body … day in and day out to hungry dirty men…all for something to eat…what about the orphan that suffered such extreme hunger they now suffer long term eating disorders…or what about the orphan who was abandoned not once, not twice….but many times… what does that feeling of worthlessness and being unwanted do to a tiny little soul?

It’s easy to look at “Saving the Orphan” (the organization whose blog this is from) and think we can just “fix it” for them.... taking them in off the streets…or by adopting them and giving them a family… that everything else they have been forced to endure will just disappear… If it were only that simple… I do believe that a child cannot truly begin to heal until they have a family support unit… someone that they know will be committed to them through their healing process and when they come through on the other side… but it really is only the first step…There is so much work for God to do in these tiny little hearts… so much restoration that needs to take place…There will be uphill battles and valleys so dark you wish you had never started the journey to “save” them in the first place… because now it hurts you to much too… I think that is us in our humanness… but if we choose to love and parent these children through Christ… instead of not wanting to take a chance on loving an orphaned child and allowing them a permanent place in our guarded hearts… we instead realize that through our suffering comes healing to another… just like through Christ’s suffering we find redemption and forgiveness…a permanent place to rest our heart… straight into his arms as he spreads them wide upon the cross…experiencing the ultimate sacrifice….his very life…

I am leading a small group of families with hearts wide open praying God will open the floodgates and provide us the approvals we need to bring home 21 children and make them our own… that they will no longer be called orphans but our children… I am not naïve in realizing many of the children we have found families for have experienced the “lives” I shared with you above…. They are not only orphans but broken children with broken hearts and broken pasts… and although there are moments when they are hard to love…. I will not be scared away… I will not run when it hurts me to love them… I will not leave when the going gets tough… Why? Well because I know I am hard to love… I am also a broken person with a past God has also redeemed…. And he didn’t give up on me…. In fact he chased me… and he chases you… and he will chase us down and love us till we can no longer deny his presence in our lives…. I want to show that same “love” to my soon to be children… and thought the roads will be long and winding… we will reach that destination where true restoration will occur and they will find their healing… after all… although their innocence may have been taken… all is not lost. That is a promise we CAN hold onto.

California

Finally posting pictures from our trip to California.

We arrived on a Sunday afternoon and walked the 1-2 miles from our hotel down to Balboa Island. Jason wasted no time getting his favorite island treat: the chocolate covered banana (with all the toppings).
At our hotel on our way to eat sushi the first night (the first of three sushi meals!).We went back down to the ocean the second day. The little blip in the water is Jason. The water was freezing, but Jason really wanted to play in the ocean. He made friends with the high school guy standing in the water and they body surfed the waves together for about 30 minutes.Hanging out in the sunshine at about 9:00am at our hotel . . . with an iced coffee from Starbucks (at the hotel) of course! Another trip back down to Balboa Island.

Sunset

Before we left Iowa I had scouted out where the Goodwill stores in Orange County were! We rented a car and went to three of them. (Jason took the pictures!)

The third Goodwill we went to was a "Classic Closet," the nicest Goodwill I've ever seen.
Here I am with my purchases from the Classic Closet.
My favorite purchase was a red Gymboree vest (size 3T for our boys) with the tags on it for $1.99! Sitting by the pool in 75 degree weather was awesome, but going to Goodwill in California ranks right up there as one of my favorite things we did on our trip!

Jason took way more pictures than I did, including one of the back of my head. This is one of the patios at our hotel, with a gas fire pit (it got a little cool around 5:00p) - very cool!
Sunset from where I was sitting above.
On our way walking to the beach.
I was running one day and found this great spot overlooking the ocean so Jason and I went back on our last day.







Walking back from the beach.

So long California. Jason's annual conference is going to be in Nashville next year - not California like it has been the past five years.

Adopting Older Kids

Jason and I made it back from an 8-day trip to super-sunny, 75-degree-California this past Sunday. Half of the trip was business for Jason, but the whole trip was vacation for me. And it was wonderful! We celebrated our 5-year anniversary (back in September!) and enjoyed time together before our lives get turned upside down soon. If I have time, I will try to post a few pictures from our trip.

Until then, I want to post the first of what I hope will be many posts on some of the things I've been reading to prepare for adopting kids internationally. There are so many GREAT resources out there (especially a few select blogs) that have helped us get a clearer picture of what our life is going to look like when we bring three orphans into our lives.

I know my family (ahem, my mom and sister!) think that I am over-preparing for this whole thing. :) But, what I read on the front page of the the Older Child Adoption website makes me stand firm in my resolve to keep on reading and preparing. And this excerpt just begins to scratch the surface of some of the issues our children may face. Here is the excerpt from www.olderchildadoption.com:

Older child adoption is a complex melding of joys an d challenges. In fact, the issues surrounding older child adoption might be called “the ugly, the bad, and the good.” Every parent considering older child adoption needs to read, talk with other parents, and read some more. And, one of the most important pre-adoption projects is to convince yourself that, “Yes, it WILL happen to me.”

Some older child adoptive parents may deal with developmental delays and challenges. Children may act younger than their chronological age. And, they may not be consistent i.e. they may speak at age level, be two years behind socially, and be physically three years behind. For children coming from orphanages, the rule of thumb is one month of delay for each three months spent in the orphanage. Parents will need to work on these child development gaps with at-home activities, or possibly with the help of physical, occupational, or other therapists and specialists

Some older adopted children slide into their new lives with little difficulty. These children joyously participate in their new family’s activities. They quickly learn the rules. They bond strongly, showing positive interactions with other family members. However, many older, special needs children, due to a combination of biological, emotional, and neurological issues, present challenges to their parents.

Older child adoptive parents should prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. Every prospective older child adoptive parent must acknowledge that they may be challenged in ways they cannot fully anticipate. They will deal with grief and loss in children. They will learn about the impact of trauma on children in their early years, about attachment and bonding, and possibly a new language if it’s an international adoption. The challenges may seem overwhelming at times, however, the rewards will be great!