Catching up on Pictures From the Week

Playing at the park.Love this picture of my girls.I especially love that they have clearly had a bond of being sisters long before they arrived in our home. I am just now remembering this was something I prayed for as we waited for them to come home. God is so faithful.

These pictures are from the day the kids played on this slide for about an hour!
Of course Zoe got creative (love it!).
And then the girls arranged for the boys to go down together! Don't worry, I was at the bottom. :)
So much fun!
This was the day Abram decided he would try to eat sardines like the rest of the kids. At one point he said, "it will be funny." So, I know he was doing it just to be funny. He did eat some bites but didn't really eat that much. And he dropped some of his fish on his blanket that was on the floor below him, which totally grossed me out!

Love this picture of our full bathroom before bedtime.
The boys checking out the tree.
And playing under the table in their p-pops.
After eating dinner at McDonalds Thursday night, the girls brought home their extra fries "for Abram" they said, which was so sweet. During snack time yesterday they wanted to eat their fries, which was fine with me. One of the girls had put her fries in the frig the night before and as it turns out the other one had kept hers hidden in her closet for the night.
While we have definitely had some food-related issues, they have not been too bad. I recently found an apple in the girls' closet but I don't even think they remembered it was in there. They sometimes do try to hide food in their room (like the fries) but usually it is because it is a "special" food item. In the same way, they all three very much like to hide possessions that are special to them (right now Zoe has her notebook and pen under the couch cushion, for example!). It is just what you do when you have lived in an orphanage and have had to protect your scarce belongings from the wolves.

I have tried not to get too bent out of shape about these food issues. I have made a very firm boundary that all food - being eaten or stored - stays in the kitchen. At first some of them had a hard time with this boundary, but they all get it now. When they do have special food items (which is rare) and want to take them to their room, I help them find a "special" place in the kitchen for them to put it where they know they can find it the next day (or where another kid won't get it). I have done this with other possessions, too. Like Isaiah's cars. That kid would eat, sleep and go to the bathroom with a car in his hand if I let him. At bedtime, he has to put his car(s) on the dresser and at dinner time he has to put it on the dish shelf (he always puts it/them as high as possible, out of reach from Abram). This took a little training, but now he easily puts them in their "spot" without a fit.

Sometime during week two when meal times were total chaos and the girls were eating more food than they should be, I remembered a blog post from a family that adopted three kids and made a new system . . . all of the food gets set on the counter, NOT on the table. And only mom or dad serves the food to everybody. And, we limited the girls to seconds only (each serving is a pretty big portion). In the beginning it was hard to try to explain this boundary and they certainly didn't like it, but it has become the norm now, which is very helpful. It is tempting in the beginning to want to keep giving them food because it feels like you are meeting a need and loving them. But God was faithful to remind me that we have to cut them off otherwise they would never stop eating (due to having never had enough to eat). FIRM BOUNDARIES are very loving and have helped a lot! The fact that our kids were in a good foster home for a year definitely contributes to us not having too many food-related issues. If they don't like something or don't want to eat it, I say, "that is okay . . . I will be make food again at ___ (lunch or dinner, etc) and that is when you can eat again." I don't say "no," which allows it to be their choice if they eat or not. (I learned most of this from my friend in California.)

I have been wanting to share about food-related issues because it is a very common issue with adoption. So, there we go. Moving on . . .

Abram getting ready to leave for his big slumber party . . .

His monkey backpack was loaded up.
Isaiah drinking hot chocolate - with marshmallows (thanks Lisa L!) for the first time. He loved it!

December 1, 2011

Abram is posing with his "hat." A "specimen-collecting hat," that is! They really do call them "hats," interestingly enough.
Isaiah wanted in on the action. And look at Zoe . . . I found her other earring this morning and she let me put it in - finally! I also fixed her hair and put a headband in it. After all of that she said, "thanks, mom." It was so sweet to hear her say that because I knew she meant it. A definite highlight of my day!

“Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.” (Psalm 16:1)

In the midst of feeling spent and wiped out driving home from Des Moines at 6:00p tonight, I found peace taking refuge in God. I needed safety from my own fears and overwhelmed feelings.

The morning was fairly calm and very slow going – everyone was finally ready for the day at 10:00a! The girls stepped outside the patio door to show me the grass and I realized they were trying to ask me why it looked the way it did - dead! Winter, dear girls. It is winter. Hard to explain that one in hand gestures. J Shortly before lunch all the kids but Abram were in the kitchen. I went to check on Abram and found him on the couch in a dead stare straight ahead. And then he barely ate anything for lunch. I checked for a fever and didn’t find one so I figured he was just tired. (Looking back, DUH, of course he was sick . . . more on that later.) After lunch I thought Zoe was being uncooperative in helping clean the kitchen, but then realized she was looking out the window, fascinated at the snow. It was fun to make a big deal about her seeing snow fall from the sky for the first time.

I dropped Abram off at Jill’s at 12:30p so I could take the kids (and our three "specimens!") to the doctor. I left early so I could take the kids to Jason’s office since we were going to Des Moines so they could see where he works. On the way there, I drove through Huxley and when we drove over the “rumble strips” before the stop sign at Highway 210, the girls got THE BIGGEST KICK out of it. It was like they were on an amusement park ride!

When I drove away from Jason’s office, Isaiah started crying. I asked him if he was sad about dad and he nodded yes (more evidence of understanding a lot of English). In his little mind I could have been having him see his dad for the last time before I drive him off somewhere. Poor guy. Fear is never far from a child that has recently been placed in a new family. And sometimes I forget that because we spend so much time at home in a simple routine of life which makes him (and the girls) feel pretty secure.

Our doctor appointment was at 2:15p. We were able to get in right away but we didn’t leave until after 5:00p. The appt went well. But there were definitely some interesting behaviors by all the kids since we were in a very new, scary (to them) environment. At one point I was standing up holding Isaiah on one hip and Zoe on the other side of my body. J I found out in the middle of the appt that the kids would need blood drawn so I called Jason to come for backup. I have not been feeling well today and I knew there was no way I could deal with all three kids getting blood drawn (and therefore traumatized) on my own. On our way to get blood drawn I got a text from Jill saying that Abram had just had a seizure. Anxiety and panic soared through me. I hate those darn seizures. I hated being away from him, too, but was so thankful he was in good hands. (Jill knew enough about his seizures to know what was going on was “normal” – what a blessing!) And I had to fight to cling to the truths of God’s word.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” (Psalm 23:4)

My circumstances were no where near the valley of the shadow of death, but Abram’s seizures elicit emotions of that sort in me every time. After fighting through my emotions with God’s truth, He gave me much peace. After all, God made Abram and gave him as a gift to me. God is far more able to protect and care for Abram than I am . . . it just takes me awhile to get to that place!

As it turns out the kids didn’t get blood drawn, which perhaps was a blessing given my emotional state of being by that time. We have to go back Monday for that. We let the kids eat McDonalds for dinner for the first time (!) and then came home.

Reason #7 I’m thankful we adopted older kids: While I may have missed their first steps and their first words and their first teeth coming in, I love the little firsts I get to experience with them (that they can show or tell me) – like discovering dead grass in the winter, seeing snow falling from the sky for the first time and thinking rumble strips are a fun ride!

November 30, 2011

We had an uneventful morning, which was a change of pace. I needed to be in Huxley at 10a to sign up for a new gym membership. (Exercising officially starts back up in my life tomorrow around 5:00a . . . I spent the past year training myself to get up before 5a to exercise because I knew when the kids came that would be my only time to exercise. Its time I get back on it!)

Since we were in Huxley, I asked the girls if they wanted to stop by Aunt Kate’s house for a little bit. They both said yes so we did. We ended up spending a surprising two hours there. Two wonderful hours for me, getting to hang out with my sister . . . AND see my kids do so well at her house. That was a HUGE blessing! Abram had a blast playing with Greysen and asked if he could stay. And the girls did very well. They were very content and seemed to enjoy the toys they found to play with. By the second hour they were playing with Sydney a little. Isaiah did great, too. At one point all six of the kids were sitting around the table eating popcorn (I made sure I was the one who served it to them). It did my heart good to see that. I’m sure Kate’s too.

At one point I asked Zoe if Claire had gone outside and she said, “Claire no outside.” I was almost shocked to hear her say that! And then I realized, “oh yeah, they really are going to be able to speak English some day." Life has had to go on without English. I accepted the huge language barrier at some point a few weeks ago and we have gradually worked our way up to being able to function at a basic level very well with our limited language. Because of all that, I’ve realized that there is part of my brain that thinks this is how the communication will be forever. So, when I heard Zoe say that broken English sentence I almost leaped with excitement getting a tiny glimpse of what it might be like someday to really communicate with them.

However, we are talking YEARS before the girls will be able to really speak comprehensive English. I think this was part of my freaking out about the language barrier in the first weeks. Our girls aren’t going to just “pick up English quickly” like I was expecting. At their older ages, it is going to take a long time (especially since we are keeping them home from school to help with attachment and trust and healing). But, fortunately, by the grace of God I am okay with that (at least this week!). They have the rest of their lives to learn English (and this is the best time to learn to trust and attach). A friend sent me a really interesting and helpful link about learning English as a second language which shed more light on the issue.

In other news I'm sure you are dying to hear, we are taking the kids to the infectious disease doctor in Des Moines tomorrow (to check for parasites, etc.), and I have personally collected two poop samples this afternoon for the appointment – only one to go! Sorry if that was too much information - you know I like to keep it real around here. Just trying to explain the whole thing to the kids was pretty funny. I haven’t ever mentioned the how open the topics of suba (pee) and sumba (poop) have been since the first day the kids got here. And with all the beans we were eating in the first weeks, let’s just say we had a very sinky house (and still do often!). Honestly, at times in the very, very first days, this topic provided the comic relief/ice breaker that we needed to make us all laugh together. So, having to tell them I needed them to poop, etc. wasn’t that big of a deal since they announce to us when they are doing it anyway. J

Out of nowhere before dinner, Zoe brought me the framed family picture we have and showed me that she wanted her hair like it is there (extensions with beads) for Christmas. I asked Claire if she wanted the same and she said yes. The girls are already greatly anticipating Christmas. It is really fun. I have been wanting to do some advent stuff with them, but most of what I saw is too complicated for my kids with little English. We decided to just read the Christmas story over and over, leading up to Christmas . . . maybe even have them act it out after a while, etc. And then tonight I got a message from a friend saying that she is giving me all the materials, along with the website, that she is using with her kids – making it SUPER easy for me to do with mine. In fact the stuff is in my mailbox right now she said. I cannot tell you the huge blessing this is to me. I am so excited. Once again, God provides through His church . . . it is so beautiful!

Tonight Jason and the kids listened to worship songs (around the computer in the kitchen) after dinner. And I was thankfully able to use that time by being in and out of the kitchen with them, but actually making a legitimate grocery list for the first time in 5 weeks and changing the laundry that I started but has been sitting in the washer for way over 24 hours (because I am trying to do it on my own like a big girl now!) and picking up some remaining Christmas decorations (stars) that I thought I would get hung in the front window (I finally just decided that what I have done is enough because I was tired of looking at them sitting there). It felt good to be able to do some housekeeping things that haven’t gotten done in a long time. If I had more time I would take a picture of my craft room to show you more evidence of the grace of God – in that it is a total pit. And you know how I love that room in all of its organized glory. But it is okay that it is a mess right now. IT IS OKAY. I just keep telling myself it is OKAY.