December 2 & 3, 2011

“Some days I can’t get over the beauty hiding behind every corner of life with these four former orphans.”

I found this quote last night from this blog and it perfectly describes my heart the last two days as I have been reflecting on this past week. Even through the challenges, I have seen so much beauty in this new life. And it usually comes in the most mundane, simple moments of living.

Like when Isaiah was lying in bed with me yesterday morning and I started to hear, “asdlfadfa Migh-ty to Save, lasdflkdfl Migh-ty to Save” and continued unclear words to the tune of that song. It was the first time I’ve heard him sing in English on his own and it was BEAUTIFUL.

Like Wednesday, when on our drive to Huxley, I felt like I had the African Children’s Choir in the back of my van. All three kids were on the same song, but one of them was chanting, one was making background noises and one was singing the lyrics (in Lingala, of course!). It was so cool! BEAUTIFUL.

Like when we all got in the van to go to the grocery store yesterday morning (yes I managed another short trip to the store…successfully!) and Abram exclaimed, “Wadi (the way he says Muadi), are you ready?” (adorable in itself) and she replied . . . “set, go!” And then at the store Abram said something else to “Wadi.” As I tried to explain to her that he was saying her name but it comes out “Wadi,” she reached out and grabbed his hand in such a sweet, affectionate way. It was another link in the chain of forming a loving, brother-sister relationship. And it was BEAUTIFUL. (And franky, unbelievable if you saw their interactions the first few weeks.)

Hearing Claire say, “good job, mom” after dinner last night because she was trying to tell me she really liked that I made fish. A BEAUTIFUL moment.

Watching and listening to Zoe talk to Jason on the phone late yesterday afternoon. After saying, “Hi, Dad,” and laughing hysterically, she very excitedly and in a fast pace said, “dinner eh (and) movie eh fanta eh sprite eh copy corn” (a run-down of our evening events about to take place) and then with more laughter “mandesu (beans) big one” (because I let her buy the industrial size can of chili beans at the store!) and then, “Dad smile” (trying to say he was laughing). While watching her rattle all of this off to Jason, Claire and I were both dying laughing. And in the midst of our laughing together, Claire gave me the biggest hug she’s ever given me. It was the sweetest family moment I've experienced yet. So BEAUTIFUL!

There are so many others. Such a gift from God to be able to see the simple beauty in this new family He is knitting together. I am so grateful.

Jason’s work Christmas party was last night and I skipped out to be home with the kids. Since Jason was going to be gone, I arranged for Abram to go to Kate’s after lunch and have his first, official slumber party with Greysen! I had such an enjoyable time with my other three yesterday afternoon and evening. Jason’s being gone all day and night also explains why after dinner we watched a movie and had Fanta, Sprite and copy corn (one of my favorite Zoe-isms)! After the popcorn was made Zoe went to the back room and brought out the little toddler-sized table for them to each put their drinks and popcorn on and pulled up a little ottoman so Isaiah could have a seat. Meanwhile, Isaiah got out the popcorn bowls on his own initiative. This all seems so ridiculously simple but I can still clearly remember how awkward it all felt in the beginning, like we were managing three strangers. So to now see them functioning so comfortably and coming up with great ideas on their own was a sweet sight.

I’m telling you, it is all about the little things in my life right now! And I'm cherishing them all.

Part of what has been helping my perspective, besides the Word of God, is the book, “Kisses from Katie” that I am reading. Wow. You’ve got to read this book! Here are a few excerpts that have encouraged me:

“And even though I realize I cannot always mend or meet, I can enter in. I can enter into someone’s pain and sit with them and know. This is Jesus. Not that He apologizes for the hard and the hurt, but that He enters in, He comes with us to the hard places. And so I continue to enter in.” (23)

“Deep fulfillment had begun to swallow my every frustration.” (24)

“It was incredibly challenging and beautifully wonderful at the same time.” (62)

(For the record my “challenging” does not even begin to compare to her “challenging” – we’re talking on-different-planets-worth of difference.)

“By God’s grace, even in the hard moments, I know that the job of being a mother was what God had created my heart for.” (63)

“'Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.' People repeat this frequently; I heard it when I was growing up and I hear it now. It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if I believed it were true. But I don’t. I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him a nd He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives . . . I have learned to accept it, even ask for it, this ‘more than I can handle.’ Because in these times, God shows himself victorious. He reminds me that all of this life requires more of Him and less of me. God does give us more than we can handle. Not maliciously, but intentionally, in love, that His glory may be displayed, that we may have no doubt of who is in control, that people may see His grace and faithfulness shining through our lives. As I surrender these situations to Him, watch Him take over and do the impossible, I am filled with joy and peace – so much more than I can handle.” (137)

Catching up on Pictures From the Week

Playing at the park.Love this picture of my girls.I especially love that they have clearly had a bond of being sisters long before they arrived in our home. I am just now remembering this was something I prayed for as we waited for them to come home. God is so faithful.

These pictures are from the day the kids played on this slide for about an hour!
Of course Zoe got creative (love it!).
And then the girls arranged for the boys to go down together! Don't worry, I was at the bottom. :)
So much fun!
This was the day Abram decided he would try to eat sardines like the rest of the kids. At one point he said, "it will be funny." So, I know he was doing it just to be funny. He did eat some bites but didn't really eat that much. And he dropped some of his fish on his blanket that was on the floor below him, which totally grossed me out!

Love this picture of our full bathroom before bedtime.
The boys checking out the tree.
And playing under the table in their p-pops.
After eating dinner at McDonalds Thursday night, the girls brought home their extra fries "for Abram" they said, which was so sweet. During snack time yesterday they wanted to eat their fries, which was fine with me. One of the girls had put her fries in the frig the night before and as it turns out the other one had kept hers hidden in her closet for the night.
While we have definitely had some food-related issues, they have not been too bad. I recently found an apple in the girls' closet but I don't even think they remembered it was in there. They sometimes do try to hide food in their room (like the fries) but usually it is because it is a "special" food item. In the same way, they all three very much like to hide possessions that are special to them (right now Zoe has her notebook and pen under the couch cushion, for example!). It is just what you do when you have lived in an orphanage and have had to protect your scarce belongings from the wolves.

I have tried not to get too bent out of shape about these food issues. I have made a very firm boundary that all food - being eaten or stored - stays in the kitchen. At first some of them had a hard time with this boundary, but they all get it now. When they do have special food items (which is rare) and want to take them to their room, I help them find a "special" place in the kitchen for them to put it where they know they can find it the next day (or where another kid won't get it). I have done this with other possessions, too. Like Isaiah's cars. That kid would eat, sleep and go to the bathroom with a car in his hand if I let him. At bedtime, he has to put his car(s) on the dresser and at dinner time he has to put it on the dish shelf (he always puts it/them as high as possible, out of reach from Abram). This took a little training, but now he easily puts them in their "spot" without a fit.

Sometime during week two when meal times were total chaos and the girls were eating more food than they should be, I remembered a blog post from a family that adopted three kids and made a new system . . . all of the food gets set on the counter, NOT on the table. And only mom or dad serves the food to everybody. And, we limited the girls to seconds only (each serving is a pretty big portion). In the beginning it was hard to try to explain this boundary and they certainly didn't like it, but it has become the norm now, which is very helpful. It is tempting in the beginning to want to keep giving them food because it feels like you are meeting a need and loving them. But God was faithful to remind me that we have to cut them off otherwise they would never stop eating (due to having never had enough to eat). FIRM BOUNDARIES are very loving and have helped a lot! The fact that our kids were in a good foster home for a year definitely contributes to us not having too many food-related issues. If they don't like something or don't want to eat it, I say, "that is okay . . . I will be make food again at ___ (lunch or dinner, etc) and that is when you can eat again." I don't say "no," which allows it to be their choice if they eat or not. (I learned most of this from my friend in California.)

I have been wanting to share about food-related issues because it is a very common issue with adoption. So, there we go. Moving on . . .

Abram getting ready to leave for his big slumber party . . .

His monkey backpack was loaded up.
Isaiah drinking hot chocolate - with marshmallows (thanks Lisa L!) for the first time. He loved it!

December 1, 2011

Abram is posing with his "hat." A "specimen-collecting hat," that is! They really do call them "hats," interestingly enough.
Isaiah wanted in on the action. And look at Zoe . . . I found her other earring this morning and she let me put it in - finally! I also fixed her hair and put a headband in it. After all of that she said, "thanks, mom." It was so sweet to hear her say that because I knew she meant it. A definite highlight of my day!

“Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.” (Psalm 16:1)

In the midst of feeling spent and wiped out driving home from Des Moines at 6:00p tonight, I found peace taking refuge in God. I needed safety from my own fears and overwhelmed feelings.

The morning was fairly calm and very slow going – everyone was finally ready for the day at 10:00a! The girls stepped outside the patio door to show me the grass and I realized they were trying to ask me why it looked the way it did - dead! Winter, dear girls. It is winter. Hard to explain that one in hand gestures. J Shortly before lunch all the kids but Abram were in the kitchen. I went to check on Abram and found him on the couch in a dead stare straight ahead. And then he barely ate anything for lunch. I checked for a fever and didn’t find one so I figured he was just tired. (Looking back, DUH, of course he was sick . . . more on that later.) After lunch I thought Zoe was being uncooperative in helping clean the kitchen, but then realized she was looking out the window, fascinated at the snow. It was fun to make a big deal about her seeing snow fall from the sky for the first time.

I dropped Abram off at Jill’s at 12:30p so I could take the kids (and our three "specimens!") to the doctor. I left early so I could take the kids to Jason’s office since we were going to Des Moines so they could see where he works. On the way there, I drove through Huxley and when we drove over the “rumble strips” before the stop sign at Highway 210, the girls got THE BIGGEST KICK out of it. It was like they were on an amusement park ride!

When I drove away from Jason’s office, Isaiah started crying. I asked him if he was sad about dad and he nodded yes (more evidence of understanding a lot of English). In his little mind I could have been having him see his dad for the last time before I drive him off somewhere. Poor guy. Fear is never far from a child that has recently been placed in a new family. And sometimes I forget that because we spend so much time at home in a simple routine of life which makes him (and the girls) feel pretty secure.

Our doctor appointment was at 2:15p. We were able to get in right away but we didn’t leave until after 5:00p. The appt went well. But there were definitely some interesting behaviors by all the kids since we were in a very new, scary (to them) environment. At one point I was standing up holding Isaiah on one hip and Zoe on the other side of my body. J I found out in the middle of the appt that the kids would need blood drawn so I called Jason to come for backup. I have not been feeling well today and I knew there was no way I could deal with all three kids getting blood drawn (and therefore traumatized) on my own. On our way to get blood drawn I got a text from Jill saying that Abram had just had a seizure. Anxiety and panic soared through me. I hate those darn seizures. I hated being away from him, too, but was so thankful he was in good hands. (Jill knew enough about his seizures to know what was going on was “normal” – what a blessing!) And I had to fight to cling to the truths of God’s word.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” (Psalm 23:4)

My circumstances were no where near the valley of the shadow of death, but Abram’s seizures elicit emotions of that sort in me every time. After fighting through my emotions with God’s truth, He gave me much peace. After all, God made Abram and gave him as a gift to me. God is far more able to protect and care for Abram than I am . . . it just takes me awhile to get to that place!

As it turns out the kids didn’t get blood drawn, which perhaps was a blessing given my emotional state of being by that time. We have to go back Monday for that. We let the kids eat McDonalds for dinner for the first time (!) and then came home.

Reason #7 I’m thankful we adopted older kids: While I may have missed their first steps and their first words and their first teeth coming in, I love the little firsts I get to experience with them (that they can show or tell me) – like discovering dead grass in the winter, seeing snow falling from the sky for the first time and thinking rumble strips are a fun ride!