It was a great weekend of birthday celebrations. It really was. But, it is impossible for me to celebrate Abram's birthday without thinking about his birth family. Without their sacrifice and loss, we would not be celebrating the birthday of our son. Jason had taken all the kids to Brady's soccer game Saturday afternoon (I called it the World Cup game because the kids were SO EXCITED to see him play soccer!). Abram's Tia Leti called while they were gone. It was wonderful to talk to her as I was getting ready for his party. But, after I hung up the phone with her, the tears started flowing and I ended up on the floor bawling my eyes out. When I think about when Abram was born, there are some wonderful parts of it, but it is mostly gut-wrenching thinking about his birth mom and family and all they had (and have) to go through to give him to us.
Abram's birthday is wonderful. And good. And worthy of celebrating. So, we will always celebrate. But it is also heavy - loaded with emotions beyond my ability to express. So, I did what I do every year . . . I texted my wonderful friend Jill, who understands exactly, and asked her to pray for me.
I also learned a big lesson . . . while you are in the middle of therapeutically parenting kids who are not yet attached and you have a birthday party: order pizza, call Hy-Vee to make a cake and have your family bring everything else!! I'm serious. I didn't think I was trying to do it all. I had my family all help out. But making some food and a cake was TOO MUCH. There is a reason we normally don't go anywhere or have any outside commitments. I do not have the capacity under my current circumstances to do anything else well.
My two-hour nap on Sunday was wonderful but I was still feeling totally out of it Sunday afternoon and evening. And even by Monday I was not yet myself (felt depressed/in a funk/wiped out). So, I declared it "mental health day for mom," drove to Huxley and spent a good chunk of the day with my sister. Ahhh......
On our way to Kate's.
The kids played inside for a short time but it was beautiful out so they were outside most of the time. The boys took off to the pond. I found them on the farthest corner of the pond: Greysen with the big fish net, Isaiah with the small fish net and Abram with the fishing pole. Just seeing these three having fun and enjoying the great outdoors brought life to my soul.
Here they are playing by the smaller pond (my sister's yard is a dream, especially now with more kids now to enjoy it!)
The girls' wasted no time running outside to pick flowers - they do it every time we go to Kate's now. I love it! They always make bouquets.
Here is Claire's picture of her bouquet. Stunning!
Notice Kate and I in the background . . . this is what we did for the whole three plus hours we were there. Talked and talked and talked. I haven't been to Kate's to just hang out in a few weeks.
It did wonders for my soul.
I didn't realize it at the time but when we got home Zoe had a fever and wasn't feeling good (I see it in her eyes in these pictures now). She had a fever and body aches for two days. It was a bummer, but the good of it was that she wanted to sit or lay on my lap the whole time. That was pretty sweet. I realized that if Abram were sick with a fever and wanting me to hold him, I would just hold him all day (as much as I could). So I used that same mindset with Zoe and tried to be available to hold her or be with her as much as I could (and still take care of three other kids) - realizing she never got that kind of nurture in her former life. It is the first time she has been sick so it was a new experience for both of us.
