ONE YEAR!

Last Sunday (October 28th) marked our ONE YEAR mark with our African kids! We were out of town over the weekend for a family wedding so that was part of our celebration. After thinking about the craziest  year of our lives and making it to the one year mark, I decided to celebrate all week long last week!

What an incredibly different family we are one year later!

TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR ALL HE HAS DONE IN US, FOR US, WITH US, THROUGH US AND IN SPITE OF US.

I'm a little late blogging about the big one year, partly because we were out of town and partly because all last week I was processing all that it means to have made it to the one year mark. At first, I almost didn't want to think back on the year. It was by far the hardest year of my life and in many ways, I didn't want to relive some of it. But, it was also the most WORTH IT year of my life and God did SO MUCH. I'm really glad I blogged a lot when they came home so I can read what happened and remember the details. Otherwise, it would be impossible to remember much of what happened. It is like a decade worth of life happened in just one year. In fact, my friend Jill (who walked very closely with me through this last year) said, "in some ways it seems like they have been home for a year and in other ways, it seems like they have been here for TEN YEARS." She was right on.

Last Monday I decided I would work on a photo album for the kids all week (if I don't do it now, I can't see when it might ever get done!). It has been good to go back and look at all the pictures from when the kids came home and talk to them about it. The girls haven't had too much to say about it. Claire said she was surprised to see all the people at the airport because she thought the escort would bring them all the way to our house. :) Isaiah was such a baby when he came. I feel like he has grown up three years worth (which is probably true, emotionally).

Last week I also decided to read each corresponding day from last year on my blog as I go along in the next weeks (today I read what I blogged on November 5th last year, etc.). Reading things like, "I saw Claire first (at the airport) and her eyes lit up when she saw me. She came right toward me to give me a hug," is something I do not remember, but it so fun to think about now that I really know her. Of course her eyes lit up - that is Claire! I didn't remember that Claire and Abram were buddies so soon at the restaurant and he asked to sit by her. I could go on and on! I'm trying not to cringe too much at the many things I said were good to do that I would not do if I had new kids placed with us now. :) But, hindsight is 20/20, right? All the reading in the world could never prepare you for adding three kids (two being older) to your family when you have only had a two year old. 

I've realized half of the incredible difficulty of the past year was not having a routine of life for older kids that our girls could jump into. Trying to make up our daily routine, figure out expectations, decide how we wanted our kids to act at the table and every other thing that usually becomes part of your family DNA over time - all at once - was a huge challenging factor (having nothing to do with adoption issues). I'm very glad to be over that hump. 

Another thing I have thought about is that "Gotcha" Day is just not the word to use to describe and celebrate the day our kids came into our family. I have no problem with other people using this word (and don't worry if you said it to me!). If you have been reading my blog, you know my kids have each struggled in HUGE ways adjusting to our family. In many ways their coming into our family has not been a happy thing for them. While we are so thankful (beyond words) that Claire, Zoe and Isaiah are part of our family, their coming into our family TO THEM represents a TON of loss, grief and trauma. Some days even now, two of my kids are still trying to figure out if they are happy to have been "gotten" by us and be part of our family. Homecoming Day is a better way to describe it for our family. 

And, I am very much praising God for the family that we are today. Just the fact that we feel like a REAL, TRUE FAMILY is an incredible blessing and evidence of God's work in all of us. He has done so much. My two favorite things about God in this last year: 1) Watching Him move mountains (healing my children), right in front of my face many, many times and 2) Seeing God come through for me EVERY time I needed Him to. 

I'm so glad God has allowed me experience all of the ups and downs of this past year. The highs were HIGH and the lows were LOW. Hard as it was, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Watching three former orphans become your children, learn to love and be loved (or at least on their way), develop personalities and talents and abilities and begin to hunger for spiritual things has blessed my life in unbelievable ways. Not only are my kids completely different kids than they were a year ago, I am different person and a much different mom. God has used this last year to allow me to know Jesus more, depend on Him more and live on His Word more than ever before. I don't ever want that to stop!

Zoe

Zoe and Claire with their cousins (and best friends), Sydney and Mya.

You guys, Zoe is doing SO WELL. I have had a hard time getting this post started because I am afraid I will not be able to do justice to all the ways God is working in her life - all the ways He is healing her. There wasn't really one event. (Or maybe it was the "just go throw a fit over there" bit that helped us turn a corner. Ha! I'll never know.). But about two weeks ago, I noticed her heart and disposition take another turn . . .

A turn toward me.

There is no greater joy when you are doing the attachment dance.

I don't think I ever wrote about the time about a month ago when she was SAD (I think this was a huge healing/turning point). She was sad about something she wasn't able to do (that I didn't let her do because she was trying to use manipulation). It took me about 1.5 hours to realize she was SAD and not MAD. Remember how Dr. Karyn Purvis says that "mad is really covering sad"? She was SAD and not mad for the first time ever. This means she felt safe enough and she trusted me enough to show her real feelings. I was able to encourage her that God was making her heart stronger because she was sad instead of throwing a fit. I empathized with her and told her that God gave kids mommies to comfort them when they feel sad. We rocked with candy and I had THE BEST bonding time with her EVER. I was able to literally pour out my love to her in words (while tears ran down my face), telling her how much I love her and how she is one of the most amazing girls I have ever known in my life. Because I am telling you - SHE IS.

While there is still some crazy behavior, there is such an evident and strong attachment to Jason and I forming in her. I remember reading somewhere about an easy sign of attachment:  if you glance at your child and smile and they naturally smile back - that comes from having an attachment. She totally does this. I see so much LIFE and SPARKLE in her eyes now - not fear!. She lets me hug her many times a day. She'll even let me crawl up in bed with her and snuggle with her! We are starting to see such a fun-loving girl come out of her. She laughs A LOT (and so hard!) She snaps out of her fits and funks so easily (we are talking seconds here, people!).

Zoe is my super task-oriented girl (kind of like the old me - before I had four kids!). She is always doing something. Whether crafting up something with my glue gun, reading books, coloring, cooking, doing her doll's hair, playing with dolls, dancing, and on and on. From the moment she wakes up until her head hits the pillow, she is doing something. Her abilities and talents seem to be never-ending. She can sew a Barbie dress from her old jeans, she can dance like nobody's business, she can cook, she can sing, she can write (more on that below), she is very athletic (though we haven't ventured out into that world yet), she loves to help Jason in the yard (she mowed the yard the entire summer!), she taught herself to read over the summer and I could go on. I'm telling you . . . she is amazing!

But, what is even more exciting than all of this is how Zoe's spiritual life is forming. About a month ago she asked me (rather out of the blue): "Mom, when God's people ran away from him (in the Old Testament), did He punish them or forgive them?" WOAH! We hadn't just read a certain story nor did she hear that question somewhere. She was genuinely wanting to know. It was a really good question! It was such a great opportunity to share the example of when Abram (using her as an example would have been too much) disobeys, Daddy has to discipline him, but Daddy disciplines him AND loves him AND forgives him at the same time. Because this is exactly what God does for us. Sometimes God has to do something (that feels like punishment) to stop us from going the wrong way. I remember praying that God used that time to help her see how our boundaries and structure in her life are LOVE. Getting to share truth like this regularly with my girls is my favorite part of parenting these days!

About a month ago, Zoe started writing in a notebook. And she really hasn't stopped writing! Not only do I think writing is probably one of Zoe's God-given gifts, but I think God is really using it to help her express thoughts and feelings that she has inside that she is not yet ready to say out loud.  She writes stories and songs and prayers. The things she writes about BLOW MY MIND AND HEART AWAY. They usually are about God's truth and what He has done for her, thanking Him for giving her a good family, thanking Him for forgiving her and on and on. Can you believe this?! It fills my heart with incredible JOY.

Another way I can tell her attachment is growing and she is healing is how she interacts with her brothers. She didn't used to have much of a relationship with them (because if you don't have an attachment with one or more parent, you literally don't know how to have relationships with anyone else). But she has started to form relationships with both the boys. It is so fun to see. She helps them and she makes tents and forts for them and most recently she has been playing "school" with them (hilarious!). Abram loves to run up and give her a hugs, which is so sweet (especially if you knew how non-existant this was).

Hopefully you can see what an amazing work God has been doing in Zoe's life. So many other little things have happened that show God's healing in her life but I can't remember half of them! Getting to be part of God's redemptive work in her life has been the HARDEST but MOST WORTH IT thing I have ever experienced. I love her so incredibly much! Getting to be her mom is one of the greatest privileges I could ever have imagined. I can't wait for how God will continue to heal and restore her and use her life for His glory.

Claire

 I thought I would give a little update on the girls (first Claire, then Zoe in the next post). We have had two VERY GOOD weeks with the girls. Way more non-therapeutic parenting going on than therapeutic parenting. I am praising God for His goodness and grace to continue to heal my kids.

It has been fun to start helping the girls see some of the gifts that God has given them, help them be able to use them and encourage them as they use their gifts. This part of parenting is awesome! God has given Claire a gift to love and help younger kids. It is very evident in her life.

God provided a really great opportunity for Claire to use this gift a couple months ago. The girls go to a homeschool coop class (drawing) for one hour every Tuesday. There is a Kindergarten/1st grade coop class two hours a week at the same building on Thursdays and the teacher was looking for a helper. After hearing how much Claire loves helping out at church with younger kids, the teacher asked if Claire could be her helper. It is such a win, win, win situation. Claire loves helping younger kids, she is good at it (she is not shy, but confidant and takes initiative to help) and she is sure to learn a lot in that class. I love how God orchestrated this!

A couple months ago I asked Claire to give the boys a bath and put their p-pops on because I was finishing up Zoe's hair after dinner and Jason was working late. Not only did she do that, but when I went in the boys room to check on them, I found Claire reading to the boys on the bed, one boy on either side of her (she can't even really read yet, but she tells stories from the pictures - I love it!). Each boy had their own monkey all wrapped up in a blanket. Abram's monkey had a diaper on (just like he wears) and Isaiah's monkey had a pull-up on (just like he wears). Of course Claire had helped them do all of that. It was too stinkin' cute!

Claire is VERY relational. She likes being around other people and I am still amazed at her confidence in interacting with others. She is also quite perceptive when it comes to relationships. She is very aware of people's feelings and interactions. The other day we had some new friends over (three kids, their mom and their grandma). After they had been here for about ten minutes, I looked over and saw that the grandma had a glass of water. And that was because Claire (unbeknownst to me) had already asked if they wanted water. Sheesh! She put me to shame in the hospitality department! Combining her past experiences (being in need and being an older child helping others in Africa) with her budding maturity and gifts from God, this girl has an amazing heart to help other people. If you were to ask her what she wants to do when she gets older, she would tell you she wants to go back to Congo and help kids. If this is God's plan for her, we would LOVE to cooperate with God to help her achieve it. 

But for now we are working on helping her obey mom and dad. :) She struggles with this (of course - what child doesn't?!). She is so much like me . . . the oldest child of the family who is often times too responsible for others and tries to be in charge too much and she is very emotional. It is great to be able to impart God's truth to her daily as we parent her now. On more than one occasion I have told her that I think God has great plans to use her life for His kingdom (which she is excited about) but obeying mom and dad is the best thing she can do to prepare for that now. :) 

Claire is my laid-back, likes-to-lounge-around girl. I love how genuine she is. She has matured SO MUCH in the last months so she doesn't like to play nearly as much as she did before. She and I share lots of clothes these days. :) School is not Claire's strong suit, but little by little she is starting to make progress with reading and math. She loves to listen to stories so in addition to me reading to her, she listens to a lot of stories on CD and books on CD from the library. She loves hugs and reminds us if we have forgotten (or if she thinks we will forget!) to give her a hug and kiss before bed. 

I am so incredibly blessed to be Claire's mom. SO BLESSED. I can't imagine my life without her. She is doing so well that I feel like she has been my daughter forever. In fact, sometimes I am caught off-guard when a situation reminds me of what her life used to be like before she came into our family. It almost doesn't seem possible. I am blown away by God's ability to HEAL and RESTORE a child's life after he/she has been through and witnessed such tragedy. It has been an amazing joy to watch God work in her life and see her blossom into the girl (on her way to being a woman really fast!) He created her to be. Words could never express how THANKFUL I am that God chose me to be her mom. He is so GOOD!

Claire with her cousin, Mya.