Claire's birthday was yesterday. She turned 11. The fact that she is probably 2-3 years older than 11 is for another post at another time. For now, she is quite happy turning 11 and we are, too!
Planning a party at this stage in my life felt like an impossibility. And then last week I decided, wait! this is my daughter's first birthday in our family . . . I need to do something. The girls and I found some fun colored plates and cups at Sam's Club (for the big family birthday in a couple weeks) so I just used those colors and found a few other things to go with it. And yes, thanks to the three good weeks we have had, I had the capacity to attempt a birthday banner.
The girls were in full pre-party mode the day before Claire's birthday, eagerly helping me cook and get things ready. Just seeing their excitement the day before was so fun for me. Zoe started cleaning as soon as she woke up yesterday and had the house in tip-top shape by 8:30am. When that girl is happily "on-task" there is no stopping her!
Zoe had a little photo session with Claire outside yesterday morning.
I love this picture of her with the boys.
God's timing of my girls having birthdays now (Zoe's is August 19th) - nine and ten months after being home - is a gift of grace. They are far enough along in their attachment and adjustment to be excited about their birthdays, yet firm enough in their understanding that we are their forever family. They are at a place where we felt like Claire could have a party with friends. Getting to have this many friends over to play for a good chunk of the day was a special treat since we have limited their time with my nieces and not really allowed them to play with other friends much at all.
My mom let the girls borrow a bunch of her beads for everyone to make necklaces.
I tried to keep the boys occupied and out of the girls way before lunch. Playing in water always does the trick.
Claire picked tacos for lunch and she made fruit kabobs (grapes and strawberries on a skewer) herself the day before.
The girls did LOTS of swimming.
Opening presents.
Instead of a cake, Claire wanted a cookie and ice cream (otherwise known as "pazookie" in our world) so everyone got their own little cookie, straight out of the oven with ice cream on it. A big hit with all the girls!
I had fully braced myself for "issues" from both girls. From the time I first started reading about post-adoption issues, I have read that birthdays are nearly a universal trigger for big emotions/issues. Whether it is thinking about their birth family or not knowing exactly what their birthday is, etc., kids who were adopted can often struggle on their birthdays and siblings' birthdays. Claire, however - and not surprisingly - did great the whole day. Her attachment is strong (still growing, but strong) and she is so relational. Relating to others just comes very naturally to her and she enjoys it . . . so she had a wonderful day with all her friends.
Little Miss RADish, on the other hand, did struggle - especially at the beginning of the party. I'll spare the details, but control and manipulation made their way back into her behavior. The girls who were here did a great job of encouraging Zoe at one point to be part of the fun (instead of sulking) and swim with them and after several invitations, Zoe finally did jump back in and was fine the rest of the day. So while she definitely struggled, it could have been so much worse. I am incredibly thankful that she did as well as she did, given it was a big day.
Her behavior yesterday reminded me about the fact that a child's attachment with a parent is the essential foundation for every other relationship of their life. If a good attachment with a parent is not present in a child's life, he or she will struggle with every other relationship in his/her life. This was evident yesterday. I felt that Zoe's biggest challenge was that she just didn't know how to navigate her role in Claire having a birthday and she didn't know how to relate with the other girls at first. So, she went back to using the tools that are much more familiar to her - control and manipulation. Fortunately, after time and encouragement from her friends, I think she realized she didn't need those faulty tools to relate to the other girls and she engaged with them better. So thankful for progress!
Having such and "older girl" birthday party as the first birthday of one of our African kids was, well . . . not what I envisioned a year ago. BUT, it was SO GOOD. Since we have limited friends for so long, I really enjoyed seeing how much my girls enjoyed playing with friends all day. (And I totally remember MY 11th birthday.) It was wonderful to just celebrate Claire. More and more she is such a JOY to us. Her smile lights up a room - and my heart. I love seeing her relational strengths grow and grow and her heart for others develop. I'm so thankful God chose me to be her mom. It is such a privilege.
A few weeks ago, Claire asked me what her name meant. I didn't know (she chose her name a couple months after she came home), so I looked it up and found that it meant "bright, clear."
BRIGHT . . . describes Claire exactly!
