Domestic Adoption: Orphan or Not?

I follow a blog of a family with adopted and biological kids called Joining the Journey. I thought a recent post I read by the mother should be repeated. Here it is:

Right from the beginning, I am going to give the disclaimer that I am not an expert on this subject. The past few weeks I have had quite a few emails regarding domestic adoptions. I am VERY PASSIONATE about these babies and their birthmothers. Abortion is RAMPANT here in the US. It is an easy "out," for some women but for some, is their only option (so they think). African American children are the last children to be adopted. With both of our domestic adoptions, we were our birthmothers only options.

I have journeyed through two domestic adoptions. They were both TOTALLY different. (kinda like pregnancies, no two are alike) I have had positive responses like "I am so glad that you have children from the US, we have so many kids over here that need families and everybody keeps going overseas!!" Then there are negative responses like " are these children REALLY orphans? I mean, they have a mother, they are not sitting in an orphanage with no one to love them...they are in America, they are not going to starve to death, and not receive the medical care that is needed."

I've been walking with a friend through a domestic adoption. The social worker calls and says "we would like to show your profile to a birth mom.....here is her story..." Then, YOU decide if you want your profile to be shown....the struggle starts. Do we show it? Are we open to STD's? marijuana? cigarettes? alcohol? and the list goes on....and then you start feeling like you are "playing God." we WILL do this, we WON'T do that, we are open to this.....The grandparents start sharing about how they are concerned about the heartache that the adoption will bring. They ask: "What about the birthparents medical history? what if they have had mental illness?"

Well, if you do an international adoption...do you know any of those details? NO! But for some reason, it is safer in people's minds. [Jen's note: this has not been my experience.] Perhaps what you don't know won't hurt you? How do you "classify" an orphan? The definitions of the word orphan vary from 1)a child who has lost both parents 2)someone who lacks care, or support or supervision 3) a fatherless child.

At the end of the day, in domestic adoption, there is a single woman (typically) who cannot care for her child. IT IS A TRAGEDY. Regardless of your circumstances, there is not ONE single part of a mother's heart that wants to hand the child that she has been carrying for nine months to someone else to love. Often, after laboring and delivering these babies, these girls feel a love for these babies that they HAVE NEVER KNOWN or FELT in their entire lives, just to do the most sacrificial act, give them away, so that they can have a better life than they could ever offer. Even the children that are created from the act of rape. After carrying these babies for nine months, the mothers have so much love for them.

I have a whole new perspective of these ladies that make an adoption plan after walking through the process alongside them. I pray for all three of my children's birth mom's EACH AND EVERY day and I thank my sweet Jesus for those women. I will never forget the first time that I was handed Joshua and the mom walked away. I literally fell in a slump over him and wept until I could hardly breathe. I felt as though my heart had been plucked straight from my chest. My heart THROBBED on her behalf. It was THE MOST life changing moment of my life and I have NEVER been the same since....

If there wasn't domestic adoption, we would have to have orphanages in the US. We would be so overwhelmed in our foster systems. If there wasn't this option for many of these mothers, we would find many more children left in dumpsters or they would try to parent them and who knows what the the future of these children would be. Abortion would be even MORE rampant. So, I am asked regularly "where is the largest need?" Hhhhhmmm...everywhere, there are hundreds of millions of needs.

Do we really think that our sweet Savior is sitting on his throne picking and choosing which child we should love because one is more in need than the other? Do we really think that if we bring a child into our home through domestic OR international that one might be where we are NOT "called" and if we bring one home from the wrong place that we will not be in His will and be sinning against Him? Sometimes I think that He just sits up there on that throne and just shakes his head thinking "THEY ARE MISSING IT!!!!" I just want you to love each other. It is so simple....LOVE ONE ANOTHER. We spend so much time thinking about WHAT we should do, instead of actually putting it to action.

I have done domestic adoption and international adoption. I would choose them BOTH again, again, and again. I would choose an HIV+ child again , again, and again.