Thanksgiving was very hard for the kids and for me. Turns out I have had expectations of what Thanksgiving would be like when I had a family. And we weren't the happy, close-knit family I envisioned (at least not yet). I had a huge breakdown Thanksgiving night. I remember telling Jason through my sobs, "... and my kids don't even tell me that they love me." This had been the case for the previous year and it never bothered me. But all of a sudden my kids not ever telling me they love me - along with many other adoption-related issues - did bother me. Ahhh! Part of the problem was that Thanksgiving coincided with the transition from "the crazy/hard first year" to "normal life." Although the first year of adding three new kids with traumatic histories to your family at one time is CRAZY and HARD (but absolutely worth it!), the nice part about it is that if your kids haven't brushed their teeth in two days, you can say "well, its the first year!" After we hit the one-year home mark (October 28th), I think I thought life was supposed to be more normal. But, ha! much of it still wasn't "normal."
Christmas was WONDERFUL! I lowered my expectations, focused on Jesus, we limited extended family time (for the sake of normalcy for our kids) and we didn't travel anywhere. Success! Praise the Lord!
New Years Eve was a disaster! Oh boy. We tried to go to an indoor water park/hotel for a couple nights with several good friends. Our RADish still struggles with a great deal of fear and staying in a hotel pushed all kinds of her triggers (I saw in hind sight). I had breakdown #2 of the holidays in the front seat of our van while driving away one night earlier than we planned, leaving all of our friends.
January has been GOOD! It has been filled with more homeschooling than last semester, increased structure in our days and little time away from home. The combination of those three things has been wonderful for all of us! I do school with the girls every Monday-Thursday morning (Fridays we clean - woohoo!). We are focusing on reading well. Zoe is reading very, very well and while Claire is a ways behind Zoe, she continues to make great, steady progress. Attachment and healing are still our main priority with the three kids (two of them more than one).
Jason started a new job at the beginning of January. This is an amazing answer to an over two-year prayer of mine (and a good friend!), asking God to provide Jason a job in Ames. He had previously been commuting 40 minutes TWICE a day to Johnston. Not only did God give him a job in Ames, but God provided a job that allows Jason to fund raise (his profession) for an organization (LSI) that does a lot of work that we are passionate about - namely adoption and foster care, but LSI also helps refugees, disabled, elderly, etc. Jason travels a little, but most days he is now home shortly after 5:00p. Its GLORIOUS! Perhaps this is why January was so good. Just kidding. But not totally! His working in Ames has been an amazing blessing in many ways in the short month he has been there. God is so good!
This picture (we sent for Christmas) tells the story almost better than my words could:
GOD IS HEALING OUR CHILDREN!
You can see it in their faces.
They belong to us and we belong to them.
It is hard into put words to the slow, steady climb of attachment and healing as it continues after the first year. Without fail, every step forward still comes after pushing and testing to make sure we are not going to leave, not going to stop loving them. Although our RADish still has a lot of crazy, controlling and manipulating behavior, I have seen significant growth in attachment over the past few months. Having that attachment in place makes it much easier to endure the crazy (not-yet-fully-attached) behavior. She has recently started giving me hugs for the first time since she has been my daughter, 15 months ago. She asks for Jason and I to hug and kiss her goodnight every night. And just in the past couple days she has started sweetly and genuinely thanking me for normal things I do for her or give her. HELLO healing!!
Perhaps the most telling evidence of God's power and healing is a note my little RADish wrote me last Friday. She got upset at me for something. Two hours of manipulation ensued. I asked for her forgiveness for my part of the mishap and then pulled her on my lap and rocked her, holding her tight (she now snuggles in and lets me hold her tightly, which never used to happen). We talked about what happened. I told her I can see Jesus healing her heart more and more, that I love her and that I am so happy she is my daughter. A little while later, I got a delivery from the mail man (Isaiah!) with a note that said:
I'm so happy that you so happy to
Thank you for talk to me a good thing
You my best mama
Love you mama
You make me so happy
Thank you for every thing
Oh, the wonders God has done (Psalm 40:5)! Of course tears fell out of my eyes reading her note. Jesus is truly the HEALER of the broken-hearted. He is turning my daughter's heart of stone into a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:9). His truth is triumphing the evil and lies that used to hold her captive. There will still be hard days ahead (in fact, she's in a big funk as I type this!). But, I feel like we have made it - BY THE GRACE OF GOD - to the other side of the steep, steep mountain that is loving a child with an attachment disorder. The arduous climb up that mountain has, without question, been WORTH IT!
Praise be to the Lord God, the God of Israel,
who alone does marvelous deeds.
19
Praise be to his glorious name forever;
may the whole earth be filled with his glory.
Amen and Amen.
Psalm 72:18-19
