RAD, Books & A Swimming Pool

The RAD in our house continues on full throttle. I feel like she must be feeling more safe and comfortable (which is good) and is therefore unleashing her control, manipulation and verbal assaults at rapid fire pace. Most nights last week I went to bed feeling verbally beaten up and abused. While I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, my husband gently reminded me that Jesus probably felt that same way, often. (My husband is such a gift to me . . . God often uses him to speak truth right in the middle of my emotional messes, which is so what I need.) I'm so thankful for his words of wisdom that helped me gain a better, more Christ-centered, perspective.

For one, I do think that my daughter's behavior has shifted to be much more verbal, instead of so much stonewalling and fit-throwing/raging. It has taken me now about a week to adjust my game plan and be able to respond to her rightly . . . which means responding very positively, not taking it personally. Oh boy did I blow it tons of times last week. I had a hard time not taking everything personally. But, today when my daughter told me, "You no good woman," I looked at her and in a genuinely sweet, positive voice said, "oh, thank you." That is the grace of God in my heart.

And just when I needed it last week, I got an email from my friend/mentor, Jen Summers, that said this:

Also, the closer you get to 1 year home, the harder it gets (in my opinion) because the honeymoon is over and you FEEL like it should all be fine - and it's not - AND, you're really tired tired tired of it! LOL! It is OK. It IS hard and it is OK. God is good and sovereign and he will sustain you until things really are more normal.


OH MY WORD. God knew this is exactly what I needed to hear. And He knew exactly when I needed to hear it most. He showed up for me. AGAIN. He provided the encouragement I needed to keep going on.

And though hour-by-hour it feels like my daughter is out to get me, the reality is that she is probably growing closer to wanting to attach, but needing to test me even further to make sure I am trustworthy. This is why I blog. To remind myself of this reality. In the beginning of dealing with RAD I could keep this reality in view more. Now that this is just life, it is harder to remember and easier to get frustrated and angry.

Which is why I am so excited to be going to hear doctor/psychologist/author, Bruce Perry, speak tomorrow in Des Moines. (He is one of the speakers at the 2nd Annual Psychological Trauma and Juvenile Justice conference.) Bruce Perry wrote the book, "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog." It is about how childhood trauma affects the brain and how the brain can be "rewired" and healed.  Lisa Qualls (one of my favorite adoptive, blogging moms) recommended it a couple years ago. I read it then and it is still one of my favorite books (I was a psychology and sociology major in college...what can I say?!). While it is a secular book, I was blown away learning how God wired the brain to be able to be healed from devastating trauma. God has done that! Months ago when Jason's co-worker passed on the info that Bruce Perry was going to be in Des Moines, I debated whether or not to go. I didn't really need to go since I'v done a lot of reading on this topic, but I decided to go as a hobby/fun thing to do (I know, I'm a nerd.) When I realized yesterday that I am going tomorrow, I was so excited. It is coming at a perfect time when I need to regain perspective with my kids and the trauma they have endured.

Speaking of books, I am finishing up a book called, "Last Child in the Woods...Saving our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder"  (Louv). I saw it recommended on a blog I follow. It looked interesting and something a little different from what I have typically been reading since the kids have come home (although Jason laughed at this because it is still somewhat child-development-ish). While some of the book is common sense and some of it is over my head, I have enjoyed it and it has been good for me to read. I am not an "outdoorsy" girl. I would rather sit inside and organize something than sit outside and enjoy nature. Reading this book has helped me appreciate the value of nature for myself, but especially for my children and it will definitely affect how we school our kids and have them spend their time as they grow up - much more in nature than in front of technology.

In other random news, I finally have a camera again and can post a couple pictures . . .

Of the kids in our our new 12' wide and 3' tall swimming pool. It was given to my sister and brother-in-law but they didn't want it (for a number of reasons), so they GAVE IT TO US. I seriously feel like we won the lottery with this thing. The kids L.O.V.E. it!! And since I have zero ambitions of taking my four kids to the  water park in town (where they would be over-stimulated to the moon and back), the back yard is where we will be this summer.