War

This is the only way to describe the past 24 hours. The most intense spiritual WAR I have ever experienced. A war for my daughter's soul. I'm not sure if my thoughts are coherent enough for a blog post (I had a complete break-down after the kids went to bed), but I'm going to give it a shot . . . at least to update many of you who have been praying since last night when I asked for prayer on Facebook.

The enemy has wreaked havoc in my daughter's life through the events that led her to be an orphan. We have seen this havoc rise to the surface several times in the past, but last night was worse than ever. They enemy is bent on stealing, killing and destroying her (John 10:10). Even while she has a loving family and plenty of food to eat, the enemy breaths lies to her that we are not her parents and that we are terrible and that she should go back to her birth country.Worse yet, he causes her to believe (through the trauma and abandonment of her past) that she is not valuable and not lovable . . . which fills her with intense shame.

My daughter, like many orphans, had to use control and manipulation to survive in the eight years that led up to her joining our family. Our primary job, as her parents, is to help her to attach to us. But, the only way that can happen, along with giving her as much nurture as we possibly can, is to provide firm boundaries to counteract the control and manipulation (and any other sin . . . all kids need firm boundaries to address their sin). Incredibly firm boundaries are what bring her to the end of herself and put an end to her control and manipulation so that she can finally TRUST us and ATTACH to us. Only with trust and attachment come healing from the wounds in her soul.

Parenting in a way to confront the control and manipulation (which has been NON-STOP for weeks) with firm boundaries is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Trying to figure out WHAT to do to parent in this way that will bring healing was the first enormous challenge, and often still is. God has provided us with great tools and a mentor (Jen, who has been through it and whose 9 former orphans are healed and fully attached) and the BIBLE. But the learning curve is so steep and I have failed a lot (thankfully I can still pray for healing even when I fail).

Second, getting over my FEAR of implementing the super firm boundaries is the next battle in my soul. I fear the conflict it brings. Satan tempts me to fear that what I am doing isn't working. My flesh fears not knowing the best way to respond to her control and manipulation. One of the hardest parts of the past 24 hours is that I have realized that I have not been holding as firm of boundaries as I need to. Jen reminded me today through a text that I need to be in charge/directing everything my daughter does (much like you do with a toddler). To be honest, I have slacked on this . . . many times allowing her to herself just a enough to keep the peace rather than rock the control and manipulation boat. I'm thankful for God's grace to help me get back on track. I'm taking one moment at a time and trusting God to help me be in charge of that moment.

And lastly, there is a battle in my soul to BELIEVE  THE TRUTH and trust God that He will heal my daughter. The last 24 hours feels like a big, gigantic, chaotic mess. But, I have to choose to believe that God is working and that He is going to bring healing through this.

Nothing can prepare you to watch your child rage against your firm boundary and then after two hours grieve tortuously from the effects of abandonment. And watch her hurt so deeply but push you away in her anger and sadness. (Jen reminded me that mad often masks sadness and fear.) Last night I had to trust what my eyes could not see. I have been praying a lot lately for God to heal her so I had to CHOOSE to BELIEVE that God was working and answering my prayers.

This morning I sat and waited for her to get out of bed. Not knowing how mad or sad or controlling she would be filled my stomach with knots. This kind of  "unknown" seeks to wrack me with anxiety. In my flesh I feel like I have to figure out how best to respond. In reality, I need to depend on Jesus to give me wisdom in each and every moment. But this morning I was very weary from the battle and my faith was faltering.

However, God was gracious to me and reminded me of a time two years ago when I sat in our old house praying for our kids after we started the adoption process. I had done some research and was beginning to realize what we might be getting into (which we are definitely INTO...namely, RAD!). I was struggling to trust God and not fear. The verse he brought to mind that day was Romans 8:35 . . .


Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

I remember thinking two years ago that no matter how hard adopting three kids would be or no matter what "issues" our kids would have, those things would NOT separate me from the love of Christ. Jesus would still be FOR ME.

This is the truth I clung to today. Tonight I am clinging to the whole passage:

If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans, Chapter 8)

It looks and feels like the Grand Canyon is separating God's love and healing from my daughter. There are so many lies warring in her soul. But, I am choosing to believe that because God is FOR HER, none of the enemy's schemes will be against her. And the same for me!

Psalm 143:12 says:
And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies, and you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul... 


Jesus, please destroy the adversaries of my daughter's soul and bring her healing.

I cannot thank those of you who have been praying enough. Please continue to battle in prayer with us for TRUTH, TRUST and HEALING in our daughter's life.