Going Home Tomorrow

We are still in Burlington, helping Jason's mom with a number of things. We are planning to go home tomorrow sometime.

It has been so good to be here with Jason's mom, help her and see a lot of family. There have been some really great moments. The best was singing, "I Will Rise" (Chris Tomlin) at the end of Doyle's funeral . . . and reflecting on the fact that the grave (death) is overwhelmed and overcome by Jesus. God totally could have left us to ourselves and our sin to be separated from Him eternally when we die. But, He didn't. He made a way for us to live eternally through Jesus.

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

It is astonishing. He is worthy of all of our praise.

But, it has also been a very difficult week because our kids are struggling. Some A LOT. Even though I expected it to be difficult, it has been so hard for me to watch them struggle. To watch the progress we have made with attachment and feeling safe go backward (due to many new places and people and people coming and going a lot). Yesterday I reached the lowest point I have reached so far since the kids came home in October. I felt like we were losing one of our children emotionally. I felt like completely throwing in the towel with parenting the kids because it all seemed like a big mess. I cried out to Jesus to help and He was faithful. He reminded me that He has known that Doyle would die and we would need to be here for a week just three months after our kids came home and were not yet attached and safe.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).

What I see with my eyes looks so broken and failing. But, I am not responsible for picking up all the broken pieces I see and putting them back together. I can trust God to do that for us.

Mark and Kate came to the funeral and afterward we ended up sending Abram home with them and keeping Mya and Sydney here with us to play with the girls (who had previously asked to go home a number of times). It turned out to be a great plan that has helped both girls be content about staying until tomorrow. (And let's just be honest, without Abram, the two-year old, here today we have been able to help Rhonda much more!) The girls have had a BLAST playing together over the past 24 hours. Last night after the funeral, my mom, Rhonda and I sat at the table talking while the four girls danced their p-pops off in the other room watching Esmerelda. It was like God pouring grace over my soul to be able to sit and enjoy watching my girls have fun and be themselves. In fact, it was a dream come true . . . seeing my girls and Kate's girls having so. much. fun. together. Today I took them to Burger King (surprise, surprise!). I heard many squeals and screams of delight as they all four went down the slide together a number of times. To be honest, my girls have possibly bonded with Mya and Sydney more than we would have allowed at home but I don't even care. It has been a wonderful, needed, gift.

While I could write a lot more about our time here, my main intention is to ask for prayer for us as we return home. I feel like it is going to be a little like starting back at ground zero with one of the kids. The others will just have a hard time with tighter boundaries (as you can imagine we have loosened them up quite a bit out of necessity here).  But, perhaps "home" will feel even more like home to them when we go back. And knowing God, He will have blessings waiting in the midst of the difficulties. And He will provide what we need to help our kids feel safe and move toward attachment.

Thanks for praying if you think about us.