I agree with so many of the things the author says. Her main point is that most people she talks to (she facilitates international adoptions) want to adopt a healthy infant. But, the majority of the 147 million orphans in the world are not healthy infants.
She says,
I don’t feel that it’s ever right to try and guilt-trip someone into adopting, but it is good to offer people different perspectives and to challenge preconceived ideas. Not every family can or should adopt a special needs or an older child, but I would ask those families who say they “really want to make a difference” to think about ways in which they can make the biggest impact on one of the thousands of desperate, adoptable children who are waiting, waiting, waiting, right now.
I am not aware of any adoption program, anywhere in the world where healthy, adoptable infants are sitting in orphanages waiting for families.
I thought I would share the little knowledge I have on this last statement because I don't agree with it fully. While healthy, adoptable infants are not sitting in orphanages in Congo waiting for families, MLJ Adoptions IS facilitating adoptions of infants (even infant girls) from Congo. The reason (from my limited knowledge) why healthy, adoptable infants are not sitting in orphanages waiting to be adopted is because there are plenty of families willing to adopt these infants. As soon as an infant gets arrives at an orphanage and is deemed adoptable (parental rights terminated or abandonment proved), MLJ can move that child to a foster home because there is a family ready to adopt him or her.
While I don't agree fully with the author's second statement above, I DO whole-heartedly agree with the point of her post: the majority of children waiting to be adopted in our world are older children or children with special needs.
My overall reaction to reading her well-written post is that while adopting older and/or special needs children is extremely difficult, it is also extremely DOABLE. There are great resources available to "normal" families to address the issues you may face. And it is doable primarily because Jesus is ALIVE and He cares about the fatherless and He promises to never leave us or forsake us as we care for them. HE will do the work in these children's lives through us . . . if only we give Him the chance. (And He might just change our lives, too, while we are at it!)
One more thing while I am on the topic - okay, soapbox - of older children adoption. There is something I have been wanting to say for about a month: After having our children home almost seven months now, I can say with a good deal of confidence that our ten year old girl has LESS attachment/adoption issues than our boy who came home to us at age three.
(There is a lot of commentary I could give on this but nap time is almost over so I will just leave it at that!)
6 comments:
I read this, and loved it, too!
Jen, I would love to read the extra commentary. We have 3 kids (6, 4, & 4). We adopted the youngest a 2+ from Ethiopia. We are know considering adopting an 8 year old. I just blogged tonight about some of the things we're considering and discussing but I would appreciate your honest (and maybe difficult to receive) input.
Thanks,
Tamara B
www.journey4hope.blogspot.com
tam4buit at hotmail
I also read this blog post a few days back. This may be a country difference, but some African countries now have domestic infant adoption programs that have been successful. Congo may be different , but I believe this is what the author was saying. Thank you for your honesty in writing your blog, btw.
Thanks so much for this article and your individual thoughts. I see your point and respect where it is coming from, but I disagree that for it is extremely doable for everyone - especially for families who need two incomes or families where the Mom's job provides the insurance, etc.
Mom's need to know upfront that they will need to be at home providing safe boundaries for a long time (years!)
In the China program, we've seen alot of older kid/SN adoptions disrupted because the parents were simply not able to... or willing to... or maybe did not have the skill to...
I think alot of parents thought, "OK! Our kid is in 3rd grade so we'll just put them in school." But you know it simply is not like that for kids from hard places.
If anyone is thinking of adopting an older child or a child with special needs, I highly recommend ALOT of reading and meeting other adoptive parents (like you!) who have walked that beautiful journey.
Well, not that I've typed out all those thoughts, I'm sure we agree. :)
I would like to hear your additional commentary when you have the time. I think personal experiences are much better examples than "they say...x". Hearing about how you do, see, deal with it is enriching. Mrs Y
Congo is the only place right now where healthy infants are being adopted. I have heard of many, many day old referrals. After reading the histories of many African countries and studying the cultures, I have some concerns about a program referring tiny babies. Many of them.....I would caution others on this matter. I would definitely encourage parents to adopt waiting children.
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