While I was putting away the boys' clothes, I sorted through them all to get rid of some that were too small and get out some other 3T clothes from their closet. I had started to change the boy's clothes but then let them play naked for awhile!
This one really cracks me up!
Looking for a shirt for Zoe. I guess she thought it was interesting!
They even followed me downstairs in their nakedness!
And, back up again!
Thanks to Zoe I have all of those pictures. I had no idea she was taking them.
The girls played outside again for about two hours today!! Zoe has not been interested in riding the other bike we have, but today when I looked out the window I saw Claire trying to help her learn to ride it . . . all while in their snow boots. Gotta love that!
I made chicken lasagna (Jason’s favorite) for dinner tonight and the kids loved it! They also like the quesadillas I made Sunday night. I’m thankful to be able to branch out a bit from the few choices we had previously. I know Jason is REALLY thankful!
I also noticed the girls were sleeping in their own beds tonight for one of the first times. They always go to bed with a book (opened) near their pillow. I have no idea what that is all about!
I have been really seeking God’s wisdom the last few days about how to best love and parent Isaiah. A few nights ago I started questioning how I was handling some of his behavior. Isaiah has come a long way from the near-infant I felt like I had during the first two weeks of him being home. When he came to us, I sensed that he lacked a lot of nurture during his infant years so I held him as much as I could the first few weeks, rocked him, fed him, gave him milk in a sippy cup before bed, etc. I still do some of that, but he doesn’t have such infant-like-neediness anymore. In fact, he looks like a healthy, happy 3 year old a lot of the time. But, as I have grown to know him, there is something about him that isn’t right. He rarely acts mad (which would mean sad inside) and he never acts crazy (which would mean scared). If anything, he withdraws, but he doesn’t do that a lot.
I’m realizing that my sweet boy does not know that he has a VOICE. I can tell that he has not known his needs can be met if only he asks. For example, he was sitting in his booster seat, leaning all the way over for his car that had fallen on the floor. Some kids would ask mom for help to get the car or others would whine or throw a fit to get the car. Isaiah won’t do anything. (Well, he might have whined about it a few weeks ago, but we have a very firm boundary with whining so I think he now knows not to whine.) He won’t even try to get my attention. I think he would stay in that position, leaning down for his car, all day long if I didn’t help him. Another example is that he finished his first bowl of yogurt at snack time and I know he wanted more, but he just sat there doing nothing. He does this with nearly everything he needs or wants all day. It becomes incredibly frustrating by the end of the day – because it seems so simple to just ASK.
My girls – they have voices. On one hand, they are doing such a good job of asking for their needs to be met (in a correct, polite way). But, they each also have a voice when they are upset and they need or want something. One primarily uses the “voice” of pouting/sulking/complaining and the other’s “voice” is often hiding her face/squirming/etc. But at least they are trying to show that they don’t like something or feel bad about something, etc. I knew these kinds of “voices” were often used by kids to have their needs met, but I did not know that some kids just don’t use their voice at all.
After Isaiah ate his first bowl of yogurt and I was waiting a little bit to see if he would ask or not, Abram and I had this little, telling, conversation:
Abram: What’s him need?
Me: I don’t know what he needs, that is the problem.
Abram: Okay.
From all that I’ve read and now observed in Isaiah, the bottom line is that he doesn’t know that he is valuable enough to ask for his needs to be met – either with words or bad behavior. I’m realizing he has an incredibly crushed spirit. I can tell his poor little spirit/heart has been trampled on. I would guess he was quite neglected in the first two years of his life (he was in foster care from age 2-3 while we were matched with him).
I am constantly, all day long saying to him, “use your words.” Not only that but I most often have to give him the words to say . . . “help please mommy,” “more please mommy,” etc. (I know that he knows how to say these things in English so that is no longer an issue.) Up until a few days ago, I thought Isaiah’s not using his words or not talking was a disobedience issue (if I had given him the words to use once, then he should be able to say them the next time), so I was using firm boundaries to deal with it. But, God helped me see that I was wrong in doing so. Instead, I am seeing that it is a training issue and one that needs a lot of gentleness, love and compassion. To be honest, it would be easier if it were an issue of obedience. I can tell it is going to be a long road ahead of helping him not only use his words but also instilling into his precious being that he is worth having his needs met. Oh, the distress of an orphan.
But, oh, the faithfulness of our God! “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5). He has given wisdom generously the past few days. And I am trusting Him to continue to show up every day and provide the grace I need to show compassion and love to Isaiah when he continues, for the 50th time that day, to not use his words to ask for very simple needs to be met. I am also trusting God to heal Isaiah's crushed spirit and broken heart.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3)
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