A Different Kind of Week

Jason's mom's husband, Doyle, has been fighting cancer since this past July. We saw him at Christmas, but his health declined rapidly since then. On Monday afternoon we learned Doyle was being moved from the cancer treatment center in Chicago to Burlington for hospice care because he was going to die.

At 3:00p, I began packing for our family of six, knowing we could be gone for a week, not knowing if we would stay at a hotel or Jason's mom's house. I packed clothes to run around in, clothes for a visitation and a funeral, snow clothes in case it snowed, swim clothes in case we had a pool and everything in between. Let's just say it felt like we packed half of our house! Jason came home early and was a huge help. I tried to explain to the kids what was going on. The girls got it. When most of the bags were packed, the girls started saying something about going to C and Isaiah nearly fell apart. For a brief moment he thought he was going back to C. It absolutely broke my heart to see him so distraught. (I have no idea if the girls intentionally taunted him with that or not.) Fortunately, after some explanation, he recovered. We ate McDonald's for dinner while we sat in the van and got an oil change. Praise God for the LOF!

We got a flat tire on the interstate on the way, which was not fun. But, we were thankful God kept us safe (being stranded on the side of the interstate in the dark with semis zooming by at 70+ miles an hour a few feet away does not create feelings of safety!). We finally made it to Rhonda's empty house at 11:00p. However, the pastor of Rhonda and Doyle's church and his wife set up air mattresses and put sheets on them for us, which was an INCREDIBLE blessing to arrive to. We all six got settled in our spots on the living room floor and Abram - Mr. Extrovert - thought it was a party and had a hard time keeping quiet. Once he calmed down, the clock struck midnight and played a song and we realized that would not work every hour throughout the night. So, Jason got up,  took the clock off the wall and put it in another room. At this point, it was a bit comical!

There was never a question if we would come to be with Jason's mom during this time. We absolutely wanted to come. But, we knew it would be hard for the kids to be in a completely new place with no structure or regular routine and for such a long time. The funny thing is that when Jason called me to tell me we needed to go on Monday afternoon, I was desperately working on a tighter schedule for the kids for the next day/week. Zoe had a rough day and a half and the girls were not wanting to play on their own as much lately so I sensed that the girls needed more structure. Ha! "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails" (Proverbs 19:21). Jason and I have dropped the bar down lower, are trying to give more grace, yet be consistent with discipline and we are expecting some regression/difficult behavior both while we are here and once we get back home.

Jason was with us much of Tuesday while Doyle was being transported to Burlington. Doyle passed away Wednesday morning around 10:00. The very wonderful thing is that Doyle accepted Jesus as his Savior last April. It is an incredible blessing to know he is in heaven with his Creator. Jason was with his mom almost all of yesterday. Being an only child, he is his mom's primary help with all of the details (in conjunction with Doyle's children). He will also help her figure out all the life stuff that needs figured out now that she doesn't have a husband. That left me in a small house with four kids. But, God has been so faithful. That mattress provision on Monday night was huge. Then,  on Tuesday night right as we got home from the hospice house with hungry kids, Rhonda's Aunt Wendy showed up with chicken and rice casserole. All I had to do was open the lid and put great food (that my kids would eat no less!) on plates. Another aunt had brought homemade bread. It felt as though God Himself had given us dinner that night. Although we had bought groceries the day before it was wonderful to not have to cook.

Another major provision for the kids and I is a great Burger King play land (a lot better than the one in Ames). I took the kids there TWICE yesterday! They love it and were able to burn off lots of energy. Another blessing/provision is that we have some friends who live here who recently adopted a daughter from Ethiopia. They came and visited us a couple weeks ago so the girls know who they are and in fact, after the Snyders left our house, Claire asked if we could go see Aliya sometime. We are planning to do that tomorrow morning. It is such a blessing that the girls already met them and know who they are - otherwise it would be very weird for the girls to go over there. Megan also brought us a whole bag of puzzles and games yesterday for the girls to play with (we brought plenty of toys for the boys, but I've never traveled with older girls and therefore didn't bring much for them to do).

The kids are hanging in there. Claire does great with lots of down time so she has been fine. The girls spent much of the past two days asking when we were going home. Zoe is constantly asking about what we are doing because she needs a plan to feel safe. Puzzles have been awesome tasks to keep her busy. Isaiah is not himself . . . being so young it is hard for him to know what is going on. For all he knows, we really could be on our way back to C. It is interesting, I would think he would want to cling to us more, but he seems to want us less . . . maybe protecting himself in case we are leaving him. Oh, the ongoing distress of an orphan.

And now learning about the distress of a widow and how we can best love and help her. Rhonda really wanted us to stay here with her, and I am very glad we are. But, I feel bad at times because she has to grieve in the midst of the chaos of four kids. We will be here at least through Monday (visitation is Saturday and funeral is Sunday).

To end I thought I'd write out the little conversation Jason had with Zoe when he got home after Doyle passed away yesterday. It has been interesting trying to explain the concepts of dying, death and going to heaven to our kids with our language situation.

Zoe: Grandpa Doyle?
Jason: He's done.(Sounds so harsh, but was the best way to try to explain it.)
Zoe: Go to God?
Jason: Yes, he went to God.

“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:55-57