Random Thoughts

1. These lyrics to an Anthem song we sang at church yesterday sums up how I've been feeling lately:

Give me faith to trust what You say,
That You're good and Your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life


I may be weak, but your Spirit's strong in me
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will


I'm so glad God will never fail. I fail so often.

2. Isaiah started off the week last week going to sleep and sleeping much better. He got a new (and bigger) blanket for Christmas that Brady and Grammy made for him. I have been wrapping him up in it and I thought that was helping. But his sleeping went downhill again by the end of the week. He had one of the worst nights trying to go to sleep to date at the end of the week. I couldn't pinpoint any reasons why. Last night he went down very well and didn't wake up or have a night terror one time (I don't remember the last time that has happened). The kids watched Charlotte's Web last night and I watched the second half holding Isaiah, wrapped up in his new blanket, giving him lots of kisses and cuddles. I am wondering if all the extra holding and nurture helped him feel more secure/less fear. Hmmmm. I am nearly sure his disturbed going-to-sleep face and his night terrors are from fear so it would make sense. We'll see.

3. I am still reading Attaching in Adoption. It continues to be very helpful. It does a good job of explaining how bonding and attachment actually work, which has been good to read. I hope to write more about a few of the things I am learning from this book if I have time.

4. I have also been listening to a message/video on "Adopting the Older Child" from the Christian Alliance for  Orphans Resource Library. It is SO GOOD. And actually is just as good for those adopting younger children as well. If nothing else, listen to the first part about pre-adoption preparation. It is some of the best I have heard on that specific topic.

The woman (a family support specialist with Gladney in Texas) ends up talking about a lot of Dr. Karyn Purvis's principles. She expounds on some things more, which has been helpful to me. I was really convicted while listening (I'm still not done - it is long!) that much of our three kids' behaviors are still driven from FEAR. It takes 1-2 years for most kids from hard places/with trauma to feel 100% safe and not react out of fear. Our kids seem so comfortable in our home and family that I had forgotten that fear is still a big factor. After listening to the message I went back and thought of a number of situations that I should have handled differently because my kids acted out of fear and not disobedience. Oh, continually learning!

5. One day last week, Abram woke up from his nap too early so I laid with him on the couch and he fell back asleep on me. Shortly after, I heard Isaiah crying (having a sleep terror). So I gently slid Abram off of me and got Isaiah and brought him to the couch. Both boys fell back asleep - Abram laying on my chest and Isaiah lying right beside me (I was holding him so he didn't fall off!). I enjoyed every moment of that rare little blessing. And it was a great time for me to think and pray, which was an added blessing.

6. We had Kate and Mark and the kids and my mom and Ed all over for lunch yesterday after church (since I made a big turkey for New Year's at the girls request!). The girls were really excited for them to come. Before they got here, Zoe said (pointing to the kitchen table) "man and woman here," and (pointing to the table in the back room), "little bit every one here." She was saying that the adults could sit at the kitchen table and the kids at the table in the back room!

I thought that would be a good real life example to share for two reasons: 1) It shows how the girls are able to communicate in a way that while far from exact/correct, we are able to understand what they are talking about (sometimes it takes a little figuring out!). 2) While it was so cute that she said that (especially the way she described the little people) it is also a good example of how Zoe needs to be in control and know what is going on at all times to feel safe. She is always thinking about things like this. Her brain is always on alert.

7. Also, while all of our family was over yesterday waiting for lunch to be ready, I had an interesting attachment moment. I was sitting on the love seat next to Mya and I was about to lean over hug her and cuddle with her, but I realized one of my daughters was standing several feet away. In that moment I realized that I had/have much more of an attachment with Mya (and Sydney) right now than I do with my daughters. Wow! It was such a clear distinction emotionally. I noticed my daughter standing a little ways away, looking like she wasn't sure if she should come sit with me or not (another piece of non-attachment evidence). My natural reaction was to show affection and attention to Mya and let my daughter stand there. I had way more feelings of affection toward Mya than I did my daughter in that moment, despite the fact that I love my daughter just as much as I love Mya. It had everything to do with attachment. It took intentional effort on my part to invite my daughter over to sit in between us so I could connect with her. I guess that is a good example of one of the  differences in relationship when there is an attachment and when there is not (yet!).

8. Lastly, the girls asked for photo albums last week to put their pictures in (all of their referral pictures I printed, plus other pictures of the gifts we sent them, the birthday parties we had for them, etc.). I have been planning to do that, but wanted to wait for more communication. It was cool that they asked to do it. We can always go back and add captions. Jason was home this morning while they were working on them and we all four had another good conversation about their lives in the orphanage. They had one meal a day. (when they got back from school around noon). Again, it is one thing to assume that and another to hear it coming out of your daughters' mouths. Looking at some of the very first pictures we got of the girls (while we were doing their albums), it is quite apparent they only had one meal a day.