The kids enjoyed seeing Jason come home Tuesday night, although they might have been more excited about the escalators at the airport. :) All four kids fell asleep on the way home, which was a first for us.
Wednesday was the first "normal" day we've had in awhile and I was thankful for that. However, our "normal" still includes three yet-to-be-attached children so it is far from normal.
Thursday I began to implement a little more structure for the kids - well, the girls. During breakfast I told the girls that after we ate they would need to help me clean up the kitchen, then fold their clothes, take baths and then do English a little (which we haven't done since before Christmas). I didn't get very positive responses about having to do English. So, we worked on saying, "okay, mom" with a good attitude. (And we continue to work on this often. The honeymoon is over so many more "real" responses are coming out.)
I sent out a much needed prayer request on Facebook that morning at about 10:30 because the structure - and therefore obedience required - was causing one of my daughters to have a very hard time. There was crying harder than I've yet to hear, a little bit of raging and then a four-hour silence, refusing to say, "sorry, mom, I disobeyed" the many times I went to see if she was ready to do that. But, it wasn't just a disobedience issue. It was her saying I've always been in charge of me and I've always had to take care of me. Anytime an adult has been involved (except for the time in foster care) I have been hurt. If I submit to you that means I have to trust what you are saying is best for me and I don't trust you.
Also, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "I go back to C . . . here no good" in the last few days, I would have a lot of money.
The good news is that I was not thrown off by this. I knew these days would come. They need to come. My daughter's behavior and relationship with us is very unattached. Which was fine in the beginning. But, we want her to be fully attached to us and healed of the trauma and fear from the past. I was very thankful for all the people who were praying along with me "that Jesus would conquer the fear in my daughter's heart and help her trust that we love her." I was thankful when "sorry" was finally said and we could move on. But, I know we will have many more days like this ahead because this is not the kind of battle that will be won in a day. And that is okay. As long as God continues to supply the wisdom, strength and grace we need (which He will!), we will make it. And more importantly, she will make it . . . with a restored and healed heart that can trust and attach.
Besides carrying us through those four hours, God came through other ways later in the day. There were a few things she asked me to come help her with, which were great opportunities for me to meet her needs. Also, spaghetti was on the menu for dinner, which just happens to be one of this daughter's favorite meals. When she walked in the front door shortly before it was time to eat, I heard her say, "smells good." I just love that God arranged for me to make her favorite meal on this particular day!
Lastly, God allowed an amazing thing after dinner with both girls. We played Twister as a family (well, two-by-two!) which ended, as usual, with Jason wrestling with all of the kids. At one point, I rocked Abram awhile in the rocking chair. Soon both boys were asking for milk (which they get before bed). But then the girls also asked for milk. It would have been easy to pass that off as the girls just acting silly, but I knew there could be more to it than that. I sensed there was a request for nurture in their request for milk like the boys. So, I scooted Abram off my lap and asked Claire to come sit on my lap. And I rocked her, holding her like a baby, for about 15 minutes! Not only that, but I was able to put my face right against her face and rub the other side of her face, holding her as close to me as I possibly could. This was not easy, people! She is a big girl. But, I was thrilled to do it. And as if that weren't enough, there was a water bottle nearby and she asked me to give that to her (since I didn't have much milk in the frig). So, in a slightly awkward, yet sweet moment, I did. And I honestly got tears in my eyes thinking about her as a baby, wishing I could have given her all the nurture she missed out on. Such a gift!
Since Zoe had also asked for milk, I decided to see if she would sit on my lap and rock. And she did! I honestly can't remember if I gave her water in the water bottle or not, but I rocked her for a good 10 minutes, holding her close to me. It was wonderful!
I could not believe God gave me those moments with the girls after the day we all had (the other daughter also had some obedience/trust issues). God is good and He always comes through!
All of this to say, though, that Jason and I decided it would not be best to go away overnight after all that happened on Thursday. And that is okay. We are still going to go somewhere for most of Saturday afternoon and evening while mom watches the kids. I'm excited for that!
To end this post, I have to share a song a friend shared with me today (this friend stopped by and gave me a card and a CD with many awesome worship songs . . . talk about the best gift ever right now!). I started playing the CD during rest time. I cried my eyes out to God, putting my hope in Him while I was putting away groceries listening to this song (I put the lyrics below)!
[Verse 1:]
There is a light
It burns brighter than the sun
He steals the night
And casts no shadow
There is hope
Should oceans rise and mountains fall
He never fails
[Chorus:]
So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again
[Verse 1:]
In death by love
The fallen world was overcome
He wears the scars of our freedom
In His Name
All our fears are swept away
He never fails
[Bridge:]
All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/h/hillsong-united-lyrics/take-heart-lyrics.html ]
All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome
All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome
All our burdens
And all our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome
All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome
All our failures
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome
God our justice
God our grace
God our freedom
He has overcome
God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome
No comments:
Post a Comment