Unfailing Love

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." (Psalm 143:8)


After a hard time trying to sleep last night, God was so faithful to renew my heart and spirit this morning and show me the way I should go, specifically in parenting my daughter who had a rough time. The enemy would have me cower in fear and loosen up my expectations for my daughter so as to avoid the conflict and hard stuff that may come. That would be settling for less than her full healing. I wrestled with all this yesterday and last night. God is teaching me so much. Primarily that I need to obey Him in parenting her and trust Him for what that might bring about. Surrendering to do that has given me so much peace. I am feeling much more normal today and am so thankful! I know much of that is a direct result of so many of you praying for us. We are so incredibly grateful for your prayers. As in . . . I'm not sure we would make it if so many people were not praying for us! In addition to praying for our daughter (and our other kids who still have a lot of healing needed in their hearts), please pray for me to parent out of faith and obedience and not out of fear.

Getting to hang out with some GOOD friends last night (on the calendar for two weeks - God's timing was so perfect!) also helped me a great deal because I was able to share and process much of what happened on Wednesday. Not to mention just being with good friends . . . that always does a heart good!

I wanted to post part of an email Jason sent to the elders of our church (so that they could pray for us). It is so insightful into the spiritual battle of adoption and orphan care:

The plight of a (former) orphan has to be one of the worst effects of sin and evil in this world. They were impoverished, abused, neglected, shamed, and abandoned to defend themselves and all the while being deceived that it was all their fault...then even when partial redemption has come (through adoption), they continue to suffer the effects of being an orphan and have the twisted thinking and feeling that on some days it would be better to be an orphan again (this has been expressed multiple times) or worse. 


Also, I need to recant something I said yesterday in my post. I said, "All the extreme, scary stuff might not end up applying to you (especially if you are adopting younger kids). But, then again, it might." A friend of mine who has also adopted commented on that and wisely said,


I would encourage parents adopting any child of any age to have a broad perspective on the challenges of babies/children from hard places. There's no security that adopting a younger child won't have RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). The unattached child's disconnect comes from unfulfilled needs as infants. 


So true. In total honesty, I put the part about younger kids in parentheses because I was trying to soften the blow and not freak people out (I know I can sometimes come across that way)! But, the reality is that most of the indescribable pain in orphans - and therefore bad behavior that we see as parents - comes from their needs not being met the first three yeas of life.

Do not lose heart, though. Just start reading "The Connected Child" or "When Love is Not Enough" or a number of other great resources out there. AUnsk God to prepare you. Follow blogs of parents who are parenting kids from hard places (I guess you are if you are reading this!). That is why I try to be so honest about the good, the bad and the ugly. I was prepared so much through following a few families who did the same. The more prepared you can be ahead of time, the less life will feel like a "crisis" when hard times come.