Resources

I went back and found an older post I did that compiles quite a few of the resources that I have found to be most helpful. I amended it slightly below.

Resources for Adopting Kids from Hard Places

I’ve been working on a list of resources for adopting kids from hard places (internationally or from foster care). It is not exhaustive, but it is made up of the top resources I have found in the past several months. Here are the statistics (from Dr. Karen Purvis) about kids from hard places transitioning into families: 1/3 of children adopted from hard places make a seamless transition into their new home, 1/3 of children have significant issues and the last 1/3 of children have intense issues transitioning to their new home.

Here is the reality: At the very least, any child being adopted from overseas has likely:

1) experienced a lack of food/starvation

2) had parents either leave them or they have had to leave their parents to be adopted

3) left everything they have ever known to be familiar to them (even if they were ‘bad’ 

circumstances from our perspective, they were still familiar)

These events happen to nearly EVERY child adopted internationally, no matter what their age (except for newborn infants who have care from birth and are then adopted). These events are traumatic. There is a lot of loss and grief these kids will experience. In addition, every child is going to have to deal with the issue of attachment to varying degrees; they also have to adjust to new parents and learn to function in a new family – or maybe the first family they've ever been a part of. Add to all this the possibility of having bonded with a foster parent and leaving them, having a parent leave them in the street to fend for themselves, witnessing fighting, abuse, murder, experiencing physical and/or sexual abuse and you can begin to see why kids who are adopted from hard places will have significant trauma that their parents will have to help them through.

Parents adopting kids from hard places can’t to bring these kids into our homes, give them the love we have to offer, parent them like we parent our children who have been with us since birth and expect that they will be fine. It is not fun to think about, but it is reality. And this reality can be incredibly overwhelming. Trust me, I have cried many tears over this. There were about four Sunday church services in a row last fall that I bawled like a baby, grieving and crying out to God about these things. There is nothing that has made me long for and depend on the power of God like the thought of adopting kids from a very hard place. In addition to the grace and power of God, there are two main things I have learned (from Dr. Karen Purvis at empoweredtoconnect.org) in my preparation that have helped me the most when I begin to feel overwhelmed about the challenge of parenting kids from hard places:

1. Parents who have a realistic perspective about how difficult it can be to parent kids from hard places will experience more success and joy in parenting than parents who have an idealistic view of what it will be like to bring these kids into their home. An idealistic view involves thinking “we have so much love to give a child,” “when they come home it will be wonderful,” “our child will be so happy and thankful we adopted him.” Being as realistic as possible about the difficulties that lie ahead is very important.
2. Dr. Karen Purvis has said if parents use the tools available to help parent kids from hard places, she has never seen a child not progress to their full potential later in life.

With this said, below is a list of books, blogs and more that I have found to be the most helpful. I also put my own commentary after each one to give more description about why it is on the list. Most of them are on this list because they have been recommended by a number of people. Some I have read, some I have not yet read. My goal in compiling this was to have as many of the resources I may need in the future handy and available. I actually have many more on a longer list, but I’m posting what I think are the main important resources. This also includes therapists. I know that may sound scary, but again, I’ve done enough reading to know that it is quite likely that one or more of our kids could need adoption-specific therapy or other treatment. I’m not planning on taking our kids to therapy as soon as they get here, but it makes me feel better to know that I know who I can call if I need to down the road.

BOOKSThe Connected Child (Dr. Karen Purvis, et. al.) If I had only one book to read to help me prepare and to refer to when my kids come home, it would be this one.

Wounded Children Healing Homes (Schooler, et. al.) Not quite as practical as “Connected Child” but my second favorite book in preparing to adopt kids from hard places.

Attaching in Adoption (Deborah Gray) I started reading this book, but decided it would be better to read after the kids come home and I know the specific attachment issues we are dealing with because it is very in-depth.

Nurturing Adoptions (Deborah Gray) I am planning to read this after the kids come home as well.

Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening love in deeply troubled children (Daniel Hughes) I got this book from the library last week, but then found out the author is doing a webinar through Adoption Learning Partners on March 8th (see below), so I signed up for the webinar and took the book back to the library.

Theraplay: Helping Parents and Children Build Better Relationships Through Attachment-Based Play (Jernberg & Booth) I am really looking forward to reading this book. I like the concept of using play as therapy and look forward to learning more about how we can do that.

The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog (Bruce Perry) This book is not about adoption, but rather about how the brain is affected by trauma. It is not a necessary read for most people, but it is probably one of my favorite books I’ve read EVER (I was a psychology and sociology major, what can I say?)! It is incredibly fascinating and lays the foundation for understanding why kids end up acting the way they do after they’ve had traumatic experience(s). Trauma literally changes brain chemistry. The good news is that there are ways to “re-wire” the brain through treatment, therapy and appropriate parenting techniques.

When Love is Not Enough (Nancy Thomas) For parenting a child with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), but there is good, good stuff in there that would be helpful to know for anyone adopting, in my opinion.

Parenting with Love and Logic (Cline & Fay) I don’t have much to say about this book, but have seen it recommended by a number of sources.

Inside Transracial Adoption (Steinberg & Hall) “Transracial adoption” refers to adopting a child of a different race than yourself and your spouse.

I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla: Raising Healthly Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscience World (Wright) Another book about the issue of transracial adoption.

BLOGShttp://www.onethankfulmom.com/ This is my all-time favorite blog for Christ-centered adoption information. It is an adoptive mom who simply shares what she is learning, the issues her adopted kids face, etc. Most of my book recommendations have come from her.

http://gatheredfromafar.com/ This adoptive mom does a great job of sharing what life looks like after adopting three girls (I think they were adopted as toddlers or a little older). It has helped me get a better picture of what life might look like for us. She is also a believer.

OTHER RESOURCEShttp://empoweredtoconnect.org/ (Dr. Karen Purvis) I’ve shared this website on my blog before. It is PACKED with incredible resources. I have looked at many of them, but decided to wait to use this as a resource once our kids get here (instead of reading everything on it now).

7 Gifts & 7 Insights Video Series (by Empowered to Connect) If there was just one resource on this entire post that I recommend the highest it is this. It is a series of 17 short videos by Dr. Karen Purvis. We were required to watch this video series by our agency and I am so glad we did. There is also a study guide that can be downloaded to go along with it. This video series is the nuts and bolts of what every family must know about adopting kids from hard places.

Healthy Touch (Texas Christian Institute of Child Development) This is a DVD that I have about the importance of using touch/massage with children to help bond with them. Touch is a powerful tool that parents can use to help their kids bond and attach.

Adoption Learning Partners This site offers an extensive variety of online courses to help prepare for adoption. We watched “Food for Thought,” which helped us learn about how to help our kids catch up from being malnourished. I am also going to watch "Connecting Your Family, Inside and Out" by Daniel Hughes in a couple weeks. Most courses cost around $15.

Adoptive Families Magazine This is a great magazine and is available at the Ames Public Library (or you can buy a subscription). Each issue covers a number of important adoption topics. I used to get it shortly after Abram came home, but found it not as helpful for a domestic newborn adoption (there aren't as many post-adoption issues to deal with in an infant, domestic adoption). I need to start looking at it again because I know it will be very helpful now that we are adopting three kids from Africa.

NUTRITION These are the best two websites I've found to help parents know how to help kids nutritionally who have been malnourished.

http://www.adoptmed.org/

http://adoptionnutrition.org/ (The Spoon Foundation)