November 11, 2011
The hair extension take out party started at 9:45a. My friend (and absolute life-saver), Karen, came over at 1:00p, finished helping me take out the last of the extensions (the girls each helped on the other girl). I shampooed their hair and then she started showing me how to plait (braid). We just did simple cornrows in each girls’ hair. But, “simple” was part of the problem for me. I know how to braid, but I don’t have much experience French braiding. I had a TERRIBLE time figuring out how to braid the girls’ hair. And it nearly drove me off the edge. I was so frustrated. Thankfully Karen stayed at our house for three hours to finish (I ended up doing two braids in one of the girls hair). I would have been a heap of tears if she had not come today. I know it will get better with practice . . . or at least I hope so. Karen finished the second girl’s hair at 4:00p. We did hair pretty much the entire day. Thankfully the girls are used to it taking that long. And, I should mention, I love their new do’s. I wasn’t a huge fan of the beads and their new style shows off their beautiful faces even more. For bed they put bandanas on (to protect their hair) and looked so stinkin’ cute! Oh, I should also mention after their hair was done the first thing they did was point to my bangs and complain (even though they couldn’t say words I understood) because they wanted hair like mine. Then, they pointed to my skin. I tried to tell them that God gave them their skin and hair and He gave me mine. I guess I was a little shocked that ALREADY they are dealing with those issues.
Part way through the morning Kate called and asked if we were coming to Greysen’s (3rd) birthday party tonight. It killed me that his birthday wasn’t even on my radar anywhere. I know that it is okay that it was not, but it is those little things that sometimes get me and make me sad. We ended up deciding to eat dinner at home (trying to eat out there one night this week didn’t go well for one of the kids) and then go for cake and ice cream. The girls cleaned up the kitchen in a flash after we mentioned the cake and ice cream part! And they did surprisingly well at the party (given that there were more people there than just Kate’s family). The girls were more lively than they had been and I know they still weren’t 100% comfortable but it was good progress. Isaiah didn’t need to be with me the whole time which was also progress.
My heart is very heavy right now. After some advice from a friend and leading by the Holy Spirit we are strongly considering not putting the girls in school (after all) for awhile. I don’t have the emotional energy to go into all the reasons why right now (hopefully later), but it primarily has to do with their ages, attachment issues and healing that needs to be done in their lives. Having other adults meet some of their needs during this time – along with a host of other factors - could be potentially dangerous. While I am fully on board in theory with this new idea, we do not have the practicality of it figured out at all and it has my stomach in knots. We are asking God for wisdom and working on the feasibility of this over the weekend. We appreciate prayer for wisdom.
Tonight while the girls and I were making dinner I had to say, “no thank you,” (while gently lifting up her chin, like I always do) to one of the girls for something she did. Right after that she disrespectfully mimicked me saying, “no thank you” a couple times. This is not the first time something like this has happened (though it was the most blatant) and I knew that I could not let it keep happening. So, I had to use a more stern tone and look at her again in her eyes and say even firmer, “no thank you.” Jason also came over and did the same thing. I think I have been afraid of using more stern responses for fear that the girls disconnect even more. She did go to the living room and just sit (and pout) looking out the window. I knew she felt bad for what she did (which is a good thing). I went over and tried to talk to her in a way that showed I am not angry or upset at her even though she sinned. Darn it, if I could speak to her in a common language I would have told her that I am a sinner, too, and we both need God’s grace and forgiveness. I then took her the silverware to set the table with and that got her back in step with me. While our kids need a lot of yeses they also need high structure/boundaries/discipline because that also makes them feel safe. Trying to balance all the parenting wisdom from the Bible and from good books for our girls also has my head spinning. All I know is that if any good comes out of us parenting these kids it is only from God . . . we are completely incapable of this. I’m thankful God likes to give us strength when we are weak.
One super wonderful blessing is that some friends from our church offered to buy us Rosetta Stone (Engilsh) for us to have here at home for our girls. What an incredible blessing! Rosetta Stone is actually what the school uses to teach non-English speakers English and other ESL teacher friends have highly recommended it.
3 comments:
Would a private tutor (or something like one... other homeschool parent/teacher/an isu student majoring in ed.) work to come to your place a few days a week for the girls? Just an idea. Mrs Y
I'd encourage you to search out blogs and YouTube for help with hair and practice, practice, practice (using a doll or something similar). When we first brought our girls home, hair was a control issue and caused many problems the first few times, so it was good motivation for me to learn quickly and pray that they would give me grace as I took over that task completely (their nanny had always done their hair in Liberia, but one of my daughter's knew how to plait), in effort to stop sisterly conflict and to help them to learn that I can and will take care of their needs.
I think it's a good idea to keep your children home with you until they are firmly bonded with you as their mom. These beginnings weeks are critical for you caring for their needs and teaching them how life is in your family. It's exhausting, but God will give you the strength that you need for each day and the wisdom to know what to do. I think Rosetta Stone is a great idea. I'm thinking that we used some English language song cds from the Ames Library with Issac (I can't remember the name but I think it was something like Let's Learn English). He wasn't too motivated to talk so it wasn't a help but if your girls like songs they might like that. Also, memorizing Scripture is a good way to learn language and proper speech. It's very repetitive and you can make up some simple motions.
I forgot to add, I can send you the blog/YouTube sites on black hair if you need them. There are several that have been helpful to me. After the girls came home, I did their hair every week. It forced me to learn and practice quickly. I don't have time for that now, but I think it gave me practice in trying lots of new styles and they liked the attention while I did their hair.
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