November 23, 2011

The day before Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite days. I love the anticipation of celebrating this holiday and the preparation that comes with it. I have been a little sad over the past few days that this year’s holidays will be so different, but today has been a good day and “feels” like the day before Thanksgiving a little bit, so I am thankful for that. Mom and Ed are going to come over for a short time tomorrow and eat with us. Mom is making a few things and I am making a few things (yes, we will be having rice for Thanksgiving this year!). I am planning to make sweet potato rolls and a pumpkin pie. Last night I decided I’m also going to make a French silk pie (my personal favorite) which will help make it feel like a special day.

Last night we tried explaining to the kids that tomorrow is a holiday (looked HOLIDAY up in the Lingala dictionary). We told them they could watch TV (the Macy’s Parade), which got cheers. Today when I took them to the grocery store, I let them get some Orange Fanta to drink tomorrow. Every country that I have ever been in has Fanta (several flavors) and I heard them talking about Fanta the other day. They were excited! This all has helped make it feel like a holiday for me in this new life.

So, yes, I took all four kids to the grocery store and it went quite well . . . except when they all four wanted in/on the cart and I physically couldn’t move it so the oldest had to get off. J The other three rode the whole time. I got quite the looks from other shoppers! I also had to run some other errands so I called a good friend that I haven’t gotten to talk to (or seen) in awhile while driving. I’m thankful for that time.

We ate lunch when we got home and then they were all dying to go outside. THANK YOU, LORD, FOR THE GORGEOUS WEATHER!! They wanted to go to our “old house.” The photo album we sent the kids after we were first matched with them, of course, had pictures of our old house. We have since driven by it and showed them the pictures so they now know what “old house” means. So, we did the parade-thing over to the old house (just a few blocks away) and then kept going, making a big loop around our neighborhood. I was feeling ambitious, I guess. We went where there were no sidewalks so it was a bit of a chore to teach and keep all the kids on the correct side of the road. Thankfully, no one got hit by a car. J Claire Muad is really riding her bike now – it is so fun to see the huge, carefree smile on her face when she is riding it. When she passes me, she’ll say, “bye!” in a cute way as she rides off. I’m sure it has boosted her confidence to be able to learn and be competent in a new thing in this new world of hers.

Abram practically asks to take his nap these days. J He gets worn out from all the chaos, I imagine. Isaiah is going down for rest time really well. Yesterday and just now he fell asleep on the bed after looking at books, even though I didn’t make him nap. And the girls did a baby step better moving to rest time today. I think it helped a lot that I told them at 3:00p they can get up (and showed them on their watches). One of them still gave me a little bit of a fit but has been where she needs to be for rest time.

Thankfully I am feeling pretty good today considering how my throat felt last night. I’ve lost part of my voice, but not bad. This morning after breakfast, the girls (without me asking) went to town cleaning their room. Claire Muad was all the way under her bed, retrieving everything under there. She then asked me for the vacuum (using motions of course). Zoe Mujinga then vacuumed the boys room and living room while I dusted quickly. Yesterday Zoe Mujinga swept and mopped the kitchen floor after breakfast and I decided post-breakfast time would be a good time of each week day to do a little cleaning (with the girls help). This is one thing I wanted/needed to add to the schedule this week and the girls totally did it without me even asking two days in a row. Definitely a blessing from God.

I guess this would be another thing to add to my “reasons why I’m thankful we adopted older girls.” I need to start that list because to be honest, I have been grieving (not in huge ways, but little ways here and there) as I process the ages of our girls and the things that happen – or don’t happen (often because of their ages) - on different days. My deepest confession is that I find myself sometimes thinking, “This is not the life I dreamed of or thought we would have.” Which throws me off because I thought I dealt with that already. You don’t say ‘yes’ to adopting 5.5 and 6 year old girls, plus a 2 (now 3) year old and expect your life to be what you always dreamed. I thought I traded in my dreams for God’s plans a long time ago. But, I’m realizing I had a picture in my mind of what adopting three kids, ages 3, 7 & 8, would look like and life doesn’t look like that. It feels like there are extra challenges with even older kids and no language. And I find myself being upset at God about that at times. God is creating a completely new life for us. Our new life will be an entirely different life/”normal.” AND I NEED TO LET GOD DO THAT. A friend who has adopted said it like this when she saw the picture of our family together for the first time:

I think I am feeling the emotion of it all - the months of the agonizing wait, and the months of painful loving ahead...living out the realities of broken pasts. And then the day that finally comes where everything feels 'normal' and you can't imagine life any other way.

We’re talking a year or two before we can really see what this new life is going to look like . . . which is okay. Clearly I need some time to adjust. J Not having biological kids is playing a surprising role that I did not expect as well. But, I don’t even want to get into that right now. I’m glad I at least found words for some of what I have been thinking lately. Last night I sat with Jason and just cried about all of this and I didn’t even know exactly what I was crying about. Now it is a little clearer.

So, to preach to myself, there is so much good and so much to be thankful for in adopting older kids – specifically the two girls that God has given us. The girls initiating cleaning would be one. Seeing Claire Muad proudly riding her bike with a huge smile is another. Watching them worship is my favorite.

Well, I have 35 minutes left until the girls can get up and I feel the need to start making my French silk pie in the quietness of my kitchen. Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I can easily say all of you who read this blog (which makes me feel loved because you understand a bit of my new crazy world) and have supported us in countless ways are at the top of my list of things I’m thankful for this year.