November 18 & 19, 2011

Yes, this is BOTH of the girls in the Burley bike trailer! It is one of their favorite things to do with their Dad. He took them to the park while the boys napped.

Making popcorn for movie night tonight.

On Thursday I forgot to share what the cashier at Target said to me when I was there with the three kids after the eye doctor. She said, “So, are you babysitting?” HA! I said, “No, they are my kids. We just adopted them.” To be honest, babysitting is how it feels sometimes, though. Just as the kids don’t trust us and fully see us as their forever family yet, I don’t yet have all the feelings a mother has for her kids who have been with her since birth. And then the woman said, “So, did you get them when they were little?” “Nope, they just came home three weeks ago.” I know it doesn't exactly make "sense" to a lot of people who see our new family.

I did’t blog last night because Jason and I got out of the house and ate at Applebees. (Thanks to mom and Ed coming over after the kids were asleep . . . well, except Abram wasn’t asleep and we let him stay up and cuddle with Grammy while they watched a movie.) Hallelujah for a break from rice and beans. Jason and I actually do not mind eating some combination of rice, beans, chicken, fish/tuna or spaghetti every night (and I love the simplicity of cooking from only a few options). BUT, it was time for a break after three weeks. We had rice in the frig ready to warm up for the kids and I opened a few cans of sardines to make a very easy dinner (Abram ate some other leftovers!). I have seen the kids eat sardines a few times but I don’t know what it was about last night that made me almost lose the contents of my stomach watching them eat nearly whole, small fish in one bite - repeatedly. Wow. Isaiah could not eat the sardines fast enough. And this morning what did he smell like, but fish?! Such is life in our new, third culture (not 100% African and not 100% American anymore) family!

Yesterday I had to go to my room by 10:00a to cry, pray and read God’s Word. It was everything and nothing specific that had me in an absolute breakdown. I think the reality of this being our new life is beginning to set in. And it was the end of my first week home by myself with the kids – that probably had something to do with it, too. It was after this breakdown that I told Jason we had to get out of the house and do something fun. After eating dinner (a steak quesadilla!), we drove to Huxley and crashed my sister’s card club. It was a much needed fun break from life.

I don’t remember much of what happened yesterday except that during rest time I I spent 1.5 hours searching for hair styles for Claire Muad. But, I ended up frustrated because all of the pictures were either of toddler girls or the girls her age ALL had very long hair. So, showing her hairstyles online was not going to help solve the hair “mountain.” So, I called another woman from our church who has adopted several black children. When I told her that Claire Muad showed me a picture of a woman with straight hair, she told me that I could try using my flat iron to straighten it. I figured it was worth a try because it was something I could actually do myself. I showed her my flat iron and she was happy to do it. We took her box braids out, washed her hair, dried it a little and then put in quite a bit of Olive Oil Creme. Then, I set out on my hour-long venture of straightening her hair. When we started, I was not very confident that she or I would like it. But, I am happy to report that when it was finished, she was happy with it and I really like it, too. And, I can totally see why she wanted it like that. It makes her look the older age that she is (without looking too old). It is very cute. As we were working on her hair at one point the song, Mighty to Save was on (of course, it is the girls #1 favorite) and once again when I heard, “Savior, He can move the mountains,” I was thanking Jesus that He was helping to move this mountain in our lives. He is so faithful. And, getting to do her hair for a couple hours was, of course, a great time of bonding. This morning, Claire Muad came to me and asked me to help her with her hair. I could tell she was not happy, so I was worried. But, I just needed to touch up the straightening, which only took about 10 minutes or so. If that is what we need to do most days, then I can easily live with that. Now, I’m sitting back down to write again after lunch. When I took the girls to Target this morning – after doing Claire Muad’s hair . . . she had it covered up again. So, I guess she doesn’t like it after all?? Poor girl. We bought a better flat iron so hopefully that will help. (I hope!)

Another favorite worship song of the kids (and mine!) is “I Will Follow You” by Chris Tomlin. Yesterday the words and truths of the song got me through the day.

All your ways are good

All your ways are sure

I will trust in You alone

Higher than my sight

High above my life

I will trust in You alone

Where you go, I’ll go

Where you stay, I’ll stay

When you move, I’ll move

I will follow you

Who you love, I’ll love

How you serve, I’ll serve

In this life I lose

I will follow you

I’m not going to lie . . . loving these kids is more hard than easy much of the time at this point (which is why the reality that this is going to be our life for awhile caused me to have a breakdown, I just realized). So, when I hear, “who you love, I’ll love” and “how you serve, I’ll serve” it helps me SO MUCH to remember to let Jesus do it through me. Jesus loves the hard to love (which happens to be me everyday) and because He lives in me I am able to love them, too. I also needed to be reminded that God’s ways are good, sure and higher than my sight and my life. Amen!

I am back to rocking Isaiah to sleep at night. After a few nights of lying him down to sleep on his own, the sad and listless look on his face made me strongly feel like he needed his mama’s arms wrapped around him to feel safe and secure when he went to sleep in this still new, scary world. It is inconvenient, let me just get that out . . . because it takes him 30-40 minutes to fall asleep after I’ve rocked him with milk. But, it seems to be the right thing to do for now. For his naps, I hold him for a little bit and then put him down and he falls asleep on his own.

I think part of the reason I was so discouraged yesterday is because I started to wonder if we are ever going to be a “normal” family. (In hind sight, I realize this was probably an arrow from the enemy). It seemed so impossible yesterday. But, then today, God provided glimmers of hope today with the girls responding just a tad better to a couple things. And, more importantly He helped me see things differently. My friend who has been giving me a lot of advice said that the girls (through their behaviors) are constantly going to be asking, “I’m okay?” For many obvious reasons from their past (being abandoned, trauma, etc) and being taken to the middle of Iowa with strangers make them constantly question, “Am I safe?” “Can I trust these people?” And ultimately, “AM I OKAY?” So, today when I saw one of the girls getting extra ice, looking in the cabinets and a few other things (to remain in control because she doesn’t yet trust us) before she sat down at the table to eat lunch with the rest of us, I was able to see her (mis)behavior (which often aggravates me) as her working out, “AM I OKAY?” Being able to SEE in this way helps me to have more compassion and get less frustrated. Thank you, God!

Zoe Mujinga loves to go get the mail every day. Today when she brought it back, we were all in the living room and there was a piece of mail for each of the three kids. It was fun to read their names on the envelopes and let them open them. I was hoping they were their permanent residence cards and they were! They had an ID card (hard plastic like a dr. lcn) with their picture and some info on it. Even though they didn’t know what it was, it was fun to make it celebration (Jason and I cheered and gave them high fives) and they loved seeing their pictures and names on the cards. Jason made them copies so they could keep them since we need to keep the originals in the safe.

Jason worked more with Claire Muad on riding her bike and she rode it a little bit several times on her own. Meanwhile, Zoe Mujinga loves to ride the little Diego plastic tricycle that is 5 times too small for her. She LOVES it and figured out a way to put her feet to ride it so we let her. J

Well, that is all for the past two days. We have declared Saturday nights “movie night” so the kids are watching Madagascar II and loving it. I loved hearing them all crunch their popcorn that we gave them for the first time. Tomorrow I am leading an adoption/foster care info meeting at Cornerstone during the 11:00a service. Fortunately, I have done this several times in the last couple years, so there was very little prep. The girls are very excited to go to church again tomorrow so maybe we will see (but probably not be able to talk much with) some of you then.

Thanks for continuing to read even though sometimes these posts get really long. J