November 15, 2011

November 15, 2011

Of course day two alone with the kids could not go as well as day one. J It is fine – I expected it. Things went fairly well until after the girls’ baths. They were in getting their clothes on while I was dressing the boys and making an eye appt for one the girls (who has been complaining about light bothering her eyes a lot). When I went in the girls room to tell them it was time to go to the back room, I found one of them taking out the others braids. Hmmm . . . Things don’t have to go 100% according to my schedule, BUT the girls also have to learn that they can’t just do what they want, when they want, without asking mom. Try communicating that with no English! AHHHHHH! I remained calm and left them alone at first because I didn’t know what to do. I g-chatted with Jason to ask him what he thought I should do. We decided that they needed to know what I said above even if I couldn’t explain it to them exactly. I asked God to please give me grace as I took my white erase board with the check boxes and loose schedule into their room and tried telling them what I said above. I told them it was time to go get their laundry from downstairs. It took some prodding, but all the kids and I went downstairs to get the laundry and then the girls very reluctantly folded it in their room. I helped a little, as I could while still dealing with the boys. I wanted to show them grace and that I wasn’t mad at them. I think they tried doing hair again after the laundry, and I basically had to take their hands and lead them to the back room. I showed them to work on their coloring/writing from yesterday. They were both NOT HAPPY with me at all. But, welcome to having to learn I am the mom. I didn’t enjoy it either. Part way through I offered them gum (like I usually try to do – it is an easy way for me to give a YES to all of the kids a few times a day). One didn’t want any (always has before) and the other nodded that she wanted some, but I made her say, “yes, please mom.” She barely started to say it but then I think realized if she said it she would be doing what I wanted her to do and she was still mad at me. So, she didn’t say it . . . and didn’t get the gum.

Meanwhile Abram refused to just play along with Isaiah or even play by himself. He received a lot of discipline and I wondered how long this stage is going to last for him. I need more patience for it than I have right now I am guessing.

After awhile I told the girls when they finished cutting they could do work on hair (I wanted to show grace and not make the one go all day without her hair done). They were happy to then work on hair and even wanted me to help. Whew!! Once I realized we would be doing hair all day, I called Kate to come get Abram. There was no way I could do hair all day and deal with Abram. (In my mind, hair will always be done on the weekends when dad is around to help with the boys.) It was going so well doing hair (Zoe Mujinga was singing a song in Lingala about Jesus – the only word I could understand) and Isaiah was happy to play around us and then the one whose hair was being done went and looked in the mirror and did not like what it looked like at all. She was then on her bed, totally in tears while I made lunch. I comforted her as much as I could a few times. I am still in the dark as to why she let the other one do her hair if she didn’t tell her what she wanted. As much as I do have sympathy for her because it is no fun for a girl to not like her hair (and hair is a big deal for African kids/people), there is also part of me that has to let them figure out how to get themselves out of this little pickle that they created for themselves. It is 1:35p and I’m curious how this story is going to end.

The friend I talked to on the phone over the weekend (who gave me loads of great advice), said that it is non-negotiable to find one daily thing you love and do it during this very rough season (1-2 years). For her it was coffee from the coffee shop every day – a luxury she never would have otherwise indulged in, but when parenting three and then six kids from hard places it gave her something to look forward to in her day as she was dealing with lots and lots of difficult issues. This is great advice and I’m pretty sure my daily indulgence (while great coffee would be a close second) is blogging about what is going on in our family. It is the one thing that helps me get through because then I know people know what is going on and that, in turn, makes me feel understood and loved and not alone. Once I start going to bed very early again (back to the original routine of early bedtime, early wake time, exercising at 5:00a, etc.) I won’t be able to write at night, but I will be able to during the day because . . .

The other non-negotiable advice my friend gave me was to have a 1-2 hour read and rest time for every child in the house. She said this will be my sanity and allow me to parent the way I need to. The boys both take naps now, so that is accomplished for them. The girls do great playing with their dolls after lunch (during nap time) so I am fine with that for now. It allows me about an hour or so to do some things I need to do. I do notice they yawn in the afternoon so I think a rest time would benefit them. For now, without language and without them being able to read books by themselves, it would be hard to explain a read and rest time. At some point, once the language is there, I will switch to that for them.

I am so thankful for those two pieces of valuable advice. God has been so faithful to provide wisdom for us. And just to be clear and fair . . . while God is providing wisdom and helping us know hour, by hour, what to do each day, I have so completely blown it a number of times. The biggest was on Sunday night. I had gotten Isaiah to sleep (which is quite time-consuming and difficult) TWICE and both times woken up by noisy kids in the living room. One of the times, I came out and spoke WAY too harshly to one of the girls. I mean, I nearly killed her with my tone and my words. I was so angry in my heart. After Isaiah got to sleep, I went to her in her room and apologized to her and asked for her forgiveness. Even though she couldn’t understand my words, hopefully she could understand my sorrow over my terrible actions. I went to bed feeling awful that I had hurt her like that. Dang, being a parent is hard.

We are turning a corner in Isaiah’s going to sleep pattern. Before I chose to be with him until he fell asleep. But, it was beginning taking a lot longer for him to fall asleep and he would always wake up five times or more when I tried to lay him in his bed and then he would fuss and fuss. So, I still rock him at night with milk (and look into his eyes – the most important part of bonding in that way) but I lay him down and lay with him for a little while and then leave. He is doing better and better with this, which I’m thankful for. (Or maybe not . . .after I wrote this I heard whimpering – over an hour after bedtime – and he was sitting up on his bed. Poor guy. So, I just rocked him to sleep and it didn’t take long.)

We ended up finishing the girl’s hair whose needed finished during nap time. She has worn a bandana on her head since then, so I guess she doesn’t like it, but she was checking on it all the while we were doing it with a mirror I gave her. Who knows! Fortunately, both girls’ attitudes returned to normal after the morning’s episode. About a year from now, I’m guessing we will all be laughing at all the things, such as this, that we weren’t able to communicate during this time. At least I hope we will all be laughing about it. J

I took the kids in the van to go to the bank around 4:00p – they are always happy to go “drive.” On the way home we went to Huxley to get Abram. Jason had to work late tonight (just got home at 8:20p) so being in the car for awhile was a good way to buy some time. Making dinner, eating and cleaning up all went surprisingly well not having Jason here. We watched worship videos after dinner in the kitchen, like usual. The bedtime routine also went incredibly well, considering Jason wasn’t home. All four kids decided to brush their teeth at the same time, which was hilarious. Spit was flying all around! The kids asked about Dad a few times during the day and especially at night. I reassured them that they would see him in the morning.

Thankful for another day and baby steps toward bonding, attachment, language and knowing Jesus more. Hearing the little boys at the end of “Mighty to Save” (kids favorite song so far) tonight yell, “Jesus!” “Jesus!” made my night!