November 28, 2011

After our morning routine and helping the boys do their laundry J, all four kids played in the back room for about an hour. I decided to forgo the “schedule” and just let them play since we are transitioning back into real life today. The boys were playing (trains) very well together. Before the kids came I remember saying that once Abram gets over the adjustment he will love having a brother to keep him company while he plays and today I got to see it. And how I loved seeing it! I also cracked up when as he was playing he was telling his trains to say “I’m sorry.” Abram has gotten plenty of practice with those words over the past four weeks!

After the girls took baths, one of them wanted to wear shorts for the day. When I told her that she couldn’t (we were about to go run errands), she moved away from me and did her pout/fit thing. I made her sit on the bed as a consequence (which meant me physically dragging her to her bed) and went to her every five minutes to ask if she was ready to say, “okay, mom.” I also laid out two other options of pants for her. I probably went to her 6 or 7 times to see if she was ready to say, “okay, mom” before she finally said it. Each time I went to her, though, I knelt down and gently rubbed her back and her legs and tried to show her as much compassion as I could. I even prayed outloud for her once (and silently many times). During that half hour, each time I went to her and she refused to say, OKAY, I knew a battle was taking place in her soul. Though I couldn’t physically see it, my spirit (through the Holy Spirit) sensed it. The stronghold of “I’m the only one who can take care of me,” was being confronted. In the past she would not even let me sit near her or touch her during a time like this, so the fact that she let me try to comfort her in the midst of her inner turmoil was a HUGE baby step. She also had a few tears in her eyes most of the time, too. It was almost like a tiny part of her was starting to want to give in to me being her mom but that darn stronghold is not going to go down without a fight . . . which brings these verses to mind as I am writing this:

"The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still.” (Exodus 14:14)

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12)”

My role is to be still and let Jesus fight this battle for my child’s trust. And God totally provided the wisdom I needed to handle the situation the best I could. More than anything, He gave me peace and calm that has not always been there when I have to confront this child. He is indeed being faithful today to do what I trusted Him for last night (and this morning):

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness according to our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3)

{I like this version better than the one I posted last night.}

He is providing all that I need!

I had a few more episodes similar to this with the same daughter before rest time. When she does not get her way (like with the shorts) and I set a boundary, she often will almost try harder to grasp for her way afterward. After lunch she had to sit on the bench for 10 minutes but she didn’t completely freak out about it like in the recent past. Shortly after that, I had to set another boundary and she started to turn to walk away and then decided to obey. HALLELUJAH! I could almost see in her face that she knew that I was serious about the boundary line and she knew she couldn’t win. So, there is a big victory for the day. I know there are many more battles to come, but I don’t dread them. Jesus will fight them and they are productive battles, moving us toward healing and trust.

Before we left for errands, I found Claire in the bathroom putting her hair in little poofs. I loved that she had the idea to do this and I thought it looked so cute. So, I gave her tons of praise and told her how much I liked it and that it was such a great idea. The look in her eyes was priceless. Let me see if I can try to describe it . . . I saw confidence in her eyes, perhaps the satisfaction of having a mom in her life to find pleasure in her. God created each of us to have parents to show us His love and pleasure (and discipline when we need it). Children from hard places, who most likely had parents who left them, can have a very hard time knowing they are valued and treasured. That is what I saw in Claire’s eyes . . . I saw that she saw I treasured her. And it was worth every heartache so far.

Rest time went well . . . all four fell asleep. I wrote Sonja, from our agency, and asked if there is anyway the girls could talk to Marie, the main attorney getting it all done in C. Every time the girls see a picture of Marie they put their hand up to their ear like they are talking on the phone . . . meaning they want to talk to her. This has happened a number of times so I decided to see if we could do it. Marie is headed back to Congo tomorrow so she ended up calling today, during snack time, which was perfect! And I cannot tell you the joy it brought to me – because it brought a lot of joy to the kids. You’ll see it in the pictures (when I am able to post them). What a wonderful gift from God today.

After that we bundled up and went to the park. A good friend is loaning us her double jogging stroller so we don’t look like quite the parade/circus doing down the street. We played at the park for about 45 minutes and then the kids played outside in the driveway for another 30 minutes. Claire road her bike up and down the sidewalk and the other three did a surprisingly great job of trading off with the other riding toys. It was a fun afternoon. After dinner we all played Chutes and Ladders at the kitchen table. Everyone enjoyed it (the little boys had cars so that kept them occupied in between spinning) - except for Zoe when she had to slide down the chutes. :)

It is a beautiful thing seeing a family starting to form around here. I’m feeling a lot less like there are just six people living under one roof (which is definitely how it felt in the beginning). Yes, there are still challenges and lots of lack of communication and lots of things to deal with now and down the road when we can explain things more. BUT, we are becoming a family . . . laughing together, crying together, forgiving one another, loving one another (the girls have started giving us hugs from time to time) the beginnings of serving one another (Abram threw Isaiah’s banana peel away for him and then later Isaiah helped Abram put his shoe on . . . incredibly minor details that were a big deal in my world today). I can already see how being home spending TONS of time tether with no where to have to be, as well as not having the kids be around others has contributed greatly to our family starting to form.

I am very thankful.