November 7th

November 7, 2011

After I posted last night I realized that I completely forgot that Owen came over again (it feels like a months worth of things happen in one single day!). It helped that I gave them a choice of him coming or not. They gave a moderate positive response so we went ahead with him coming. He did great here and the girls did okay. They didn’t freak out like the last time so that was very positive. I even saw Muad try to playfully block his way when he was going into the back room, which was the first sign of them “playing” together. And then for lunch, Muad served him his food which was also sweet to see.

The first two hours of this morning were hard. First, Isaiah cried pretty hard for a full hour. His fever is back (after being down yesterday) and NOTHING would console him (even though I was holding him the whole time). All three had doctor appts at 9:00a but by 8:20a, it became clear that the girls were not going to make it. They were still in pajamas and hadn’t eaten breakfast (even though I had given them the choice of breakfast or a bath a number of times). We decided just I would take Isaiah to the doctor. Shortly before I left Jason said he thought Muad was crying in her room. I went in to check on her and I found in tears behind her door. When I bent down to her she said, “mommy,” and showed me the picture she was holding in her hand. It was a picture of all the MLJ staff members in Congo (I had printed it from the last MLJ newsletter and last week she pinned it on her wall). My sweet, oldest baby girl was grieving the loss of those special people she knew from home. I hugged her and cried and grieved with her and sat with her for as long as I could until I had to leave. Although I hated that she had to go through that, it was a probably one of the best bonding times yet (and the fact that I didn’t have to be dealing with another child at that point was orchestrated by God). Grief . . . forgot to add that to the list of factors going on here.

God gave me a wonderful gift in taking Isaiah to the doctor (in Huxley) by myself this morning. On the way home I stopped by to see Kate, which was so incredibly wonderful. Last night I bawled like a baby missing my sister and my family and friends. All of this extreme chaos and constant difficult behavior I expected and envisioned. And I knew we wouldn’t be able to be around people for a while but what I didn’t envision in my head about this new life was how badly I would miss the people closest to me. And realizing the long road ahead of us made me mourn that loss even more. So, getting to just sit at my sister’s kitchen table for an hour and talk to her (after texting Jason to make sure he was doing okay with the others at home) was such a gift. By the end of the time Isaiah was smiling and he and Greysen played a little.

When I got home with Isaiah I was on the phone with the ELL teacher and before I kenw it the other three kids had hopped in the van and wanted to go somewhere. As Jason was driving we were figuring out where we should go. The library came to mind since I had reserved some Leap Frog DVDs that were ready. The girls were reluctant when I asked if they wanted to come in with me, but they came. And it was so great. I let them pick out a number of books and then let them pick out a few movies. They got to scan the stuff they picked out and carry it out the door. YAY! Jason had taken the boys to Bandshell park so we walked there. On the way I was singing a song about Jesus (since when have I ever sang out loud walking down the street?!). After hearing it one of the girls said the word in Lingala for prayer and using her motions I figured out she was trying to ask when are we going to church. It’s a good question. I would so love to take her soon, but it is going to be a difficult situation for all of the kids in different ways so we will have to let God show us when. This whole cocooning thing gets interesting with older kids. It is an absolute must when adopting little ones - they have no idea in normal life you go to the grocery store once a week and go to church and go to school . . . so you can just stay home. But the older ones know some of what normal life is supposed to look like and staying home all day is not it.

Anyway, the library became my new favorite place in town today and I’m looking forward to taking the girls regularly.

Around 3:00p I got a call from the Dr. in Huxley who said I needed to take Isaiah to Des Moines for blood work before 6:00p. He needs to see the pediatric infectious disease doctor and Ames won’t see kids under 8. So we made a quick plan and I took him there after first stopping at the clinic in Huxley for a TB test. He slept half the way to DSM, he slept the hour that I waited in the waiting room and then he slept on the way home. Poor guy. I called a good friend on my way down which was another special treat. And on the way home I talked to my sister and mom a little. Praising God for some good social interaction today!

Jason made dinner (fish and rice). I think the girls were impressed that he made it! Dinner time went fairly smooth which felt like a victory. And after dinner Abram started chasing the girls around the house and they were loving it. It was the first time I have seen them “play” together. Definitely a blessing.

Last night before I fell asleep I read the chapter in The Connected Child called, “The Impact of Fear” and every word on every page described exactly what we have going on here with one of our girls. I hope to post some of it soon because it was just so incredibly helpfull. The bottom line is that giving choices and saying yes are the primary ways to help a scared child (who needs control) to feel safe. So, at least we are on the right track.

I was the most tired today that I have been so far so I am going to bed a little earlier tonight. Thanks for praying for us!