November 1st

I decided to write things throughout the day in word document to journal some of the hundreds of thoughts that roll through my head hourly. I want to remember what God did during these days. And, it is good therapy for me. :) My thoughts are random and not always coherent or in good order, but I'll share them anyway!

November 1, 2011

The Scotts came today and the girls wanted nothing to do with Owen. L I am not terribly surprised – I knew this was a possibility. Fortunately, Owen wasn't too thrown off. The kids are not doing well with visitors at all. A few people came today to drop things off to us or stop by (while in their car) to say hi and they did fine with that, but when people come in the house to visit for a little while, the girls go to another room and Isaiah sits on my lap with listless look on his face.

Little Isaiah wanted nothing to do with me holding him and rocking (make that bouncing) him to sleep for his nap. But I knew he was tired. He scratches the back of his head incessantly when he is tired. Poor little guy cried a lot longer than yesterday. But, he did finally fall asleep. I have found the secret is to rub his face downward over his eyes and then when he is in the in between not sleep and sleep rub under his eye with one finger. It is sweet to learn how to love him. Everytime I lay him in his bed and look at him in the face while I have my arm on him (to make sure he stays asleep after putting him in bed), I can’t help but think of the sweet woman in Congo who carried him in her womb for 9 months, delivered him, loved him and then had to say goodbye for whatever the devastating reason. If she is alive, I know she still loves him and thinks about him and my heart breaks for her.

I haven’t mentioned this yet and I don’t want to forget it. As we were leaving the airport in Chicago, I took the kids over to say goodbye to Marie (which made me cry more than anything). She talked to one of the girls first and when she was done she told me, “I told her to never forget that Jesus is the most important.” And I said, “AMEN!” That was a definite highlight. (Our agency is not a 'Christian' agency.)

The kids surprisingly like things very organized (woo-hoo!). The girls re-did each of the drawers with their clothes folded just as they wanted. Zahra especially likes to keep her spaces organized. It is great! Although don’t be fooled – the house is still chaos most of the time. But, it is good chaos. They are very thorough with washing their hands – they wash them better than most kids in America. And when Isaiah dries off his hands or wipes of his hands he has to get every last bit.

In addition to the girls both letting me put lotion on them (which is a great bonding/trust building thing) Zahra let me put Vaseline on her dry lips a couple of times, which is huge to me. So thankful!

Last night I cried when I kissed Abram goodnight in his bed. Because my relationship has changed with him (not bad, just different) and mostly because I am blown away by how well he is doing. However, around 5:00p the last two nights he has said, "I want Grammy come get me."Poor little guy just needs some space from the chaos! He is going to Aunt Kake's house tomorrow afternoon, so that will be good for him.

While the boys napped today (and praise God for 2 napping boys...I did not count on that), we moved Zoe's top bunk to the floor (we figured out she preferred that). We had the girls help us (funny!) and then moved the dresser and nightstand. The girls had a great time putting things where they wanted them to go. And get this . . . they asked me to get down their extra sheets and THEY CHANGED THE SHEETS ON THEIR BED ALL BY THEMSELVES!! They have only slept under their comforters, on the sheets once, maybe twice. It cracked me up, and I loved it - changing sheets is one of my least favorite things to do. And they put their little green table and two chairs right in the middle (barely space for them) of their room. It is so cute!

Tonight was a party in the kitchen. We are getting meals every other night so on the other nights I am making dinner . . . except for tonight. Guess who made dinner? MY TWO GIRLS!! I simply asked Zahra to measure the rice and water in the pan and she basically took it from there. Of course she thought the water was to rinse the rice and when I tried to give her a strainer she refused it because she was using her hands (no strainers in Africa!). It was such a great way to let her keep a tiny bit of her culture. I showed her how to turn the stove and timer on. I also laid out some frozen cooked chicken (from my nesting days). This was the best part. My microwave is not working today because I used the griddle for the first time today at the same time as the microwave and it blew something (flipping the fuse didn’t work). So, I had a pan out to defrost the chicken and I was planning on serving it plain. But, not my girl! She found all my spices and went to town, doctoring up the chicken . . . water, oil, bullion, and a bunch of other spices I didn’t even see. I was just letting her do her thing. Zoe was looking through the freezer so I put her on frozen vegetable duty. She put it all out on a pan, sprinkled the seasoning I use, and then I showed her how to put in the oven. Then, Zoe proceeded to set the table without my asking (having my dishes in an open cabinet, easily accessible to the girls paid off!). Plates, silverware and one cloth napkin (this is our new thing and it is great!). Jason got out the glasses, but then she found a “pitcher” (my big pyrex measuring bowl with a small spout), filled it with ice and water and set it on the table. Meanwhile, Zahra figured out how to ask me for more chicken and she started on round two since she didn’t realize that there was already extra water in the rice when she dumped more water in, so it was taking longer than usual. My girls were totally in their element. And I was absolutely loving it! I was able to get some more dishes done so the post-dinner cleanup wasn’t so much. The second batch of chicken Zahra made was way too spicy. Every single one of us were coughing from just the smell of the red pepper. Zahra felt bad, but we reassured her that is was not a big deal at all and Jason and I each ate some (it was stinkin’ spicy let me tell ya!). Meanwhile, I found Isaiah some drums (bread crumb and cornmeal containers and later an oatmeal container) and I had a little drummer boy on my kitchen floor, drumming and singing away – he has definitely been around some African drummers! At different times, Zoe would chime in with Isaiah’s songs and dance. And the girls were happy as can be cooking away. It was so wonderful. I think it really helped the girls feel more like themselves, doing something they are clearly used to doing, and I also think it built a lot of TRUST . . . I gave them a lot of freedom to cook how they wanted. Yes, we had to throw out some chicken, water was spilled, etc. but it was totally worth it. After dinner Zahra totally took over the dishes. Letting her cook empowered her to feel ownership in the kitchen –YAY! I also gave Zahra the broom and showed Zoe how to move all the chairs so they could sweep. Seriously, if this kitchen business can keep up, it is going to help me A TON.

A good trust-building/fit-reducing thing happened at dinner with Isaiah. He has a big thing for gadgets (watch, phones, and especially the CAMERA). Oh, the camera! If he has the camera and you take it away, he is a complete WRECK and has a hard time transitioning to something else to do without crying/having a fit. I try to keep the camera hidden away, but I also want to take pictures, so it inevitably gets set on the counter or somewhere he can reach. He unfortunately grabbed it right before we sat down to eat. UGH! He only wanted to mess with the camera and not eat. So, I took it from him (but knew it would not be good) and set it on top of the frig. He, of course, threw a fit (which for him is being very sad, making a whiny/crying sound) and I knew he would not eat in his upset state. It seems like a no-win situation, but at that point (God showing up to remind me!), I I remembered a great lesson from Dr. Karyn Purvis about getting creative in giving YESES: I got the camera off the frig and gave it to him, but set it right in his booster seat with him. That way I said, “yes, I hear you that you want the camera and you can trust me to meet your needs (even though this was not a ‘need,’ due to his very fragile state right now, you have to treat it as a need), but it did not interfere with him eating. HALLELUJAH! Thank you Dr. Purvis.

God also came through in a HUGE way today . . . I got to talk to Karen Jennings-Boland, who (with her husband) adopted two girls, ages 7 & 9 from Africa five years ago. I had been praying to find someone to talk to who adopted older girls from Africa who did not speak any English and that was the case for them. Oh, the gift to just get to talk to her. And she had a bunch of super helpful things for me. In all of the reading/research I did for this adoption, I honestly found nothing on how to deal with the language barrier with older kids (which seems strange to me).

Lastly, I remember when we decided to adopt three kids a year and a half ago . . . the only way we knew we could make it is by God showing up for us EVERY SINGLE DAY, providing everything we need to make it through. And I’m here to tell you HE IS SHOWING UP FOR US! I already mentioned a couple ways today (and there are more). But, a big one is the love that is a love growing in my heart for each one of these kids. Let me just be completely honest here – while all of you saw the great pictures of us meeting our kids what you did not see was that I did not feel much love them the first couple days. I am not kidding. I was scared to death, I did not like the way the girls’ hair smelled at all, it was so awkward, it was confusing, it was overwhelming and they did not feel like my kids at all. I had to take Zahra to Target on Sunday to get some shoes that fit her (we had none) and as I was walking in in with her, it felt so strange. In my head, I knew she was my daughter, but it did not feel like it at all. But, I gave my feelings to God and told Him he had to change them. And oh, my word, is He ever! The kids are feeling more and more like my own kids each day and I love them more and more each day. And I can only trust God that He will continue to make that love grow. After all, where does our love come from anyway? We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

So many people say, “I don’t know if I can adopt because I don’t know if I can love an adopted child like my own.” This is a very legitimate feeling and fear when you first are confronted with it. But, it is selfish to not care for orphans just because we think we can’t love them. It is not about us. It is God who gives us love for them. He is faithful!